Character Evaluation Forum

[Vince]

Shamelessy copying Lilaena here. I've been getting more info about the characters from reps received (:love), but a thread about the characters I'm writing is something I feel could open up for some constructive criticism.

Star Wars
Ben Merasska - He's been getting a lot of love recently, but I'd like some thoughts on him, since I've noticed that he's changed a bit from the character I'd envisioned way back when.

Serasai Onashi - From the responses and such that he gets from others I managed to make him an actual asshole, which is harder than I thought. I'm constantly having to delete and edit his posts to keep him from becoming likeable as a person. Though I've not managed to get him in many threads with people other than Jace, but we all know how the saying goes: "Everything's better with Jace!"

Esther Hadrana - not much done with her yet, and I'm stalled in her one thread by the lack of conflict pushing the exposition along. It's difficult to get what I've wanted so far. She's been very difficult.

Palara Iscandar - She's a very interesting character for me to write, and is actually quite easy, as her very occupation gives her a conflict she needs to resolve.

Mutants, Unite!

José Luis Flores - Not much to say about this kid; I wanted him to be as normal as could be given he's a mutant, and he's trying to stay normal when he's not, which will eventually blow up in his face. I also write his mother, Madeleine, but she's a supporting character, and not nearly enough of her has been written for me to have a grasp on who she is.

Julian Davitt - I've gotten some more written with him, but he's very very difficult to write, as he has a mindset that is almost completely alien to mine; he's developed mostly as a wolf, and I can't say I know how wolves really think, so I've tried to keep things focussed on Julian being a human who has lived as a wolf, to keep things more relatable. He's still very quiet, and that's difficult carry through in some of these threads.

[Tear]

I don't have a character evaluation but I do have an evaluation about you as writer. Not that I have the right to judge anyone, but I think you've come a long way since you began here on Swfans. The breadth of your characters, the scope of your stories, everything.

I think you have quickly become one of the staple writers on this board. So... good job, yo!

[Aimee Connors]

I think you're doing great. :D I will write a more comprehensive post later when I am not drinking the alcohol. ;)

[Captain Untouchable]

I'm only intimately familiar with three of your characters, so I'll only weigh in on those for now.


Ben Merasska

It would be all too easy to just write Ben as if he was Wash. Hell, that is almost certainly what I'd do. It'd also be too easy to write Ben as someone completely different, to avoid seeming like a rip-off. You went and picked the much harder route down the middle: Ben is completely his own character, and yet it's clear to see why Alan Tudyk was "cast" as him. I love the kind of cowardly lion approach you've got with him - he want's to seem brave, but can never quite manage to pull it off - and his random comments like "What's a chicken?" always crack me up.

Serasai Onashi

It's certainly not hard to suss out what John Glayde thinks of the guy. That's one of the things I love about Onashi: he's not massively annoying, massively dispicable, or anything else in massive proportions; he's just mildly irritating. The amount of work that you put into keeping him there is obvious: it would be all to easy to give him a redeeming quality every now and again, but nope. Unfortunately, you may have painted yourself into a corner with him: any steps to develop his character or explain why he's like that might end up making him likeable. I think what you might need to do is send him on an epic, potentially life-altering adventure... but have him come out of it at the other end exactly the bloody same.

John hates me for suggesting that.

José Luis Flores

José is another fantastically frustrating character, at least as far as Tom Harriman is concerned. Not only is he trying to stay the same; he's being ridiculously stubborn about it. I had a lot of fun writing our face-off in the mall, and the dressing up posts at the beginning were damned funny. It'll be interesting to see how the character evolves as he gets himself increasingly in trouble; is he actually going to evolve some common sense, or is he way too stubborn for that?

Julian Davitt

If you want him to seem more like a wolf/dog type person, he should lick his own balls more. That's a wolf thing too, right?

[Cirrsseeto Quez]

Ben is amazing. You refuse to typecast him and he's probably the most human character any of us write in the SW universe. I've been amazed at all times at how vulnerable he is, and the strange kind of strength that comes from reacting to that vulnerability. I'd like to see circumstances force him to make a big decision as time goes on, because thats where you shine.

[Freight Train]

Ben has been fun to read so far, for the first two pages of Cold Storage, anyway. My first impression was that same kind of "This is just Wash" thing that the good Captain mentioned, but it became clear in short order that they're separate. EDIT: Gah, I'm really brain-addled from exhaustion. I just realized that this character, Freight Train, isn't so different. I came up with her powers first, then attached a personality, then picked (cast, as it was put earlier) Toph for the image. Gonna keep an eye on Ben for sure.

Palara is far and away the most engaging character I've seen from you. Her conflict, being strong in the Force for an existing organization and her control stands as a unique foil to Wei Wu Wei's weakness in the Force, upholding an organization that has dissolved, is going to be a total blast to read.

I've not read much of Julian, but he doesn't sit well with me, somehow. Granted, I haven't read a single post of his since before the setting went dormant, so I don't recall why. Need to re-read and pin that down for you.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

I, like many others, love Ben. I haven't read all of his RPs but I think you write him consistently. He's funny, but with that 'sad clown' center that really humanizes him and makes him more than just comic relief. But there is nothing wrong with comic relief and I love how you can make me laugh with his posts. No suggestions here, just keep up what you're doing. :)

Julian is still a pretty young character, only a few RPs under his belt. I think he's a very passive character, which isn't a bad thing, but it can make it hard if you're trying to figure out what to do with him. We talked a little about how our RP is lacking conflict - Julian seems content just to go with the flow. He needs to generate a story of his own. Is he interested in finding his human family, for revenge or hugs? Maybe he's meek because he's always been a beta under another, alpha wolf. Now that he's away from the pack and trying to be human, maybe Julian decides to assert himself as an alpha... or find an alpha to put himself under for protection. I think he's got tons of potential and I hope you find his story and a way to tell it. I'm excited for him to continue at the House with all the other crazies. :)

Jose has a LOT of story to tell, it's just leaking out all around him in every post. Such an expressive character...but he's low on RPs. Keep up the good work and keep getting him out there. Getting punched by Polly was awesome. ;)

Palara is great, I love her accent. I need to read more of her RPs but what I have read are really good. No suggestions!