More Thievery! Character/Writing Eval

[Miranda Tarkin]

>_>

So hi! Most of you have seen my writing evolve over the years and I am also curious as to what am I doing right? What am I doing wrong? Is there something in my style that I do too much of? Not enough of?

The same goes for my characters as well.


Miranda Tarkin
Navaria Tarkin
Grace Van-Derveld
Vishan Korogoth
Saricia Ask'lan
Aliya Vahlshalynn


Those are the ones active or relatively active at this point

[Kira Draykin]

All work with the characters since I already think your writing is some of the best I read. Although I do have to admit I like your longer style of writing more then your short style but that's just personal preference both are great. Also you are very good at molding your characters to what ever scene there in weather you created the scene or some else did.

Miranda Tarkin

I didn't care much for the character early on, she always seemed to lack a human eliment to me. However I would say right just before she became empress she really shined for me. I couldn't get enough of her she became more human and more vunerable character. She started to show more of a dark side with what she believes are good intentions. I really think this character has grown over the years and is continuing to grow. The side of her I have to say I like the most is how she wants to save her sister yet at the same time has to face the fact that her sister is a Jedi and should be removed. She isn't invulnerable or untouchable as I once thought and I commend you for that.


Navaria Tarkin

Just like her sister she wants to the other. On top of that wants to rid the Galaxy of tyrrany that is the Empire, that is her families Legacy. Torn between duty and love (Daria) was also a high point for me anyway and still is (there relationship). Also her facing off against Vega was total awesomeness it was perhaps the best dual I had seen played out in a long time. I can't wait to see how she handles being one (maybe the only not sure) Jedi masters on the wheel and the responsibilities that intails. Not to mention future possible face off's with her own sister. I honestly should keep better tabs on reading this character then I do.



Grace Van-Derveld

What's there to say beside god dam you and Jen (Dasq) for still making me wait five years into this dam storyline and Grace and Dasq still haven't made babies. Enough of that rant cause it could go on for days. I loved all the Dasq and Grace interaction, I actually miss it. I honestly fell out of the loop on the on going story after Dasq was captured and imprisoned. I know from what you told me she has become more hardened and colder then she use to be because of what happened. I think there is a lot more to this story and I can't wait to read it sorry I fell out of touch with it. This character still has tons of potential and room to grow.

Vishan Korogoth

Makes me laugh a lot. I felt really bad when Soolin decided to leave the boards, I thought for sure it might be the end of this character. But he was stuborn and is forcing his way back into the galaxy at large once again. I'm also very glad that I will become apart of his on going story. The trials and tribulations of Vishan hopefully his IC bad luck streak will end soon. He is just a fun character to read and rp with and again I'm very glad you decided to keep him in your collection. On writing side of things the way he speaks is just amazing I wish I where better at writing an acient in my characters speach maybe you can teach me how you do it?


Saricia Ask'lan

Honestly I have only read one or two posts with her. I know the design and set up of the character some what. I won't say she is a bad character because she isn't. She just doesn't grasp my attention very well and that's a shame I'm probably missing out on a lot. I will just have to read some more of your work with her maybe then I can tell you what it is she needs to grow on as character.


Aliya Vahlshalynn

I like the concept of this character and think you should actually post as her more. The reason being at times when reading your post with her she comes off very stiff. Maybe it's just the character but I don't know it could be you haven't really got to play with her much. She really has a lot of room to grow and I hope you continue with her. Maybe if we work on the old storyline between her and Malick that we talked about we can see more sides to her. I really think this character has something special to her that we just haven't gotten to see yet.


(Thats all I have to say for now. Keep it up kid your doing great. )

[Anbira Hicchoru]

Saricia needs to step out of her comfort zone and have fun. It's okay to be bad in small quantities. Sure that might involve trophy sex with Sanis, but that's all a part of simple farm girls and growing up.

In all seriousness, I'd like to see some development here. You've got shades of the old Dalee here which I think is kind of interesting. Kind of makes me think of Sandy in Grease. Eventually, we'll get her wearing makeup and a leather jacket ;)

and having sex with Sanis.

Really, he just needs to get laid.

[Captain Untouchable]

One of the earliest threads I remember from being on Fans this time around was the first one we had with Miranda and Elias: where Vega gatecrashed, and then 'this shit got real'. What makes it lodged so firmly in my memory (and I've forgotten the first threads with pretty much every other character) is your writing. I can't begin to describe how fantastic that was: and that just sums you up, really. Your writing is such a joy to read that I'm at a complete loss for the words to describe it.

Jumping into the character stuff -

Miranda - We need to do more. Anything. Everything. Our Elias interactions were fantastic fun to write, so we definately need to do more of that. Also, with Ceto getting involved with the Bespin / Cloud City stuff, it might be fun to try and do a "part two" of the interaction between them; another, memorable encounter with the Empress, now that he's had the opportunity to redeem himself a little. Beyond that, it might be nice to see a bit more of Miranda being "Imperial" - more grand and showy stuff like the wedding, or more displays of her flexing her power muscles like when she had the Inquisitors take care of the Moffs.

Navaria - She's so Jedi. I'm not really sure what more I can say about that. I don't have anything to input: I'm really looking forward to see how she steps up to leadership, and what problems might arise, given her sister and what-not.

Grace - Now that she's the Director, she's potentially one of the most powerful and influential people in the military. In the EU books, Airen Cracken was both feared and revered when he held the role, among both the rank and file and his fellow leaders. It might be interesting to read Grace getting to interact with the politicians a bit more, loathed as she may be to do that. Also, it might be interesting to explore the relationship between her and Torrsk Oruo'rel - the head of SpecForce. I have no idea how the two would get along... I think it'd be one of those "lets see what happens" scenarios... those are always fun. :mischief

Vishan - I didn't realise that Vishan was you until the other day, and I've only really been reading the Port in a Storm thread, but I'm enjoying him so far. Even if I am jealous that you get to be in Ben Browder's pants... :mneh


More comments on the others as I think of 'em!

[Lilaena De'Ville]

I think you're a great writer and you suffer sometimes from thinking too little of your own talent.

I'll get into your characters later, but I didn't want you to think I was ignoring this. :)

[Dai]

Miranda and Navaria have been amazing from the start. I'm happy to have RPed with those two characters, so I have first hand experience. Especially with Navaria. That character has been done so well that, it's sometimes hard to think of Navaria as anything other than the Jedi. I can remember all the way back when, in the first thread with Figrin D'an's "reset" character. Although nothing flourish from that thread, I was so amazed at how you wrote the character, the scenery, and painted the picture, that I had to create a character.

So in a way, you are why I even joined this place. And what you have done with the stories of these two characters, and their very design, deserved a lot of praise. Miranda and Navaria have basically climbed up their respective ranks through RP, and it's been a sight to see.

But, for the criticism. Miranda? Where is she at? I dont know if I'm just looking in the wrong places, but I haven't seen any drastic moves on her part as of late. Like most of my critism, I just like to see more of the characters I like.

----

I'll get to the others when I get some time. :)

[Saricia Ask'lan]

Sometimes I guess you don't realize what you can do until someone hears it... I really had no idea Dai and Co ;) you felt that way and that makes me quite happy to know this.

Miranda is going to get things moving again with Tear and more ... discussions about the future of the Empire and Independents. Right now I woke up not that long ago and have to go to work so more thoughts later :)

I do appreciate the comments.

Saricia - Except for the comments by Sanis :(

:p