The Talented Mr. Romanoch

[Kallum Romanoch]

Dear Kallum,
I'm writing to inform you that I have secured a deal with Corellia Today, they wish to visit and do a piece on Little Cubs, a week today to be exact. You have seven days to ensure it is the happiest and healthiest orphanage on the planet. I know you won't let me down.



Kindest regards, Taataani.



ONE WEEK LATER


Kallum woke to the sound of a commbox buzzing at his bedside. He rubbed at his eyes, rising mournfully after a long night of broken sleep and poked the comm, bringing it to life. The image of a plump Twi'lekk woman with mustard-coloured skin sprung forth prompting a bewildered grunt, he fumbled for his chrono then looked up in shock.

"Mrs. Wokburst? Shouldn' yeh be downstairs already?"

"Vrokberest!" she barked, thick arms folding, "How long has it been and still you do not know my name! And yet after one night Mr. Greebins, the lovely manager of Zu-Zu Vazoo, not only remembers my name but thinks my Falumpaset Surprise is one of the finest dishes he's ever tasted!"

"Zu- Zu-Zu Vazoo? The restraunt in Bela Vistal?" he asked, now sitting upright to offset a familiar sinking feeling in his stomach.

"That is right, Mister Val. I have found a place where my extensive culinary skill is truly appreciated," she said coolly, and draping a lekku across her bossom she started to stroke it like a cat, "You can consider this my formal resignation."

"Wha'!?" Kallum yelped, staring hard at the bulbous woman hovering before him. It wasn't the first time Mrs. Vrokberest had threatened to resign over salary issues and working conditions but Kallum always looked for a tell - she blinked when she was bluffing - this time, however, her luminous yellow eyes were hidden behind a large pair of sunglasses. He decided to play her game.

"Oh, come now Seezilynn, please reconsider. Yeh're cherished fer yeh wonderful work 'ere, by meself an' de children. Please, think o' de children. Dis is such a big day fer 'em an' an opportunity fer you teh take centre stage as de peerless chef wi' a 'eart o' gold. Jus' think, in a few hours there'll be a news crew in dis very buildin', an' together, it's our time teh shine. Help us, Mrs. Wokburst, yer our only 'ope!"

The commlink terminated and the bedroom was left in the gloomy colours of a Corellian dawn. Kallum rose to his full height, his shoulders rolled and chest swelled and his eyes fixed murderously on the silent little commbox.

"Frack you, Mrs. Wokburst!!"

[Kallum Romanoch]

Dressed quickly, Kallum decided to forego his usual lethargic morning routine, and was out the door grateful for some salvaged time. A broad flight of carpeted stairs led him down to the second floor, it was eerily still and a picture of serenity, pale light plunged through long windows and the walls sparkled sweet shades of pink and blue like sunset on a summer's day. It was, however, no time to enjoy the calm before the storm so he dived into the nearest room, rattling the door on his hinges.

"Mornin' sprogs! Time teh ge' outta yer pits! Wakey-wakey!" he cried, his hands making thunderclaps between tearing open sets of spacemen curtains. Shapes under all four beds were stirring so he moved onto the next room, making the same ungodly din.

"Rise an' shine, girlies! Quick now! Las' one outta bed gets me pigtails..."

On cue, a chorus of screams sounded from the bedroom as he left and the floor trembled with the sudden pitter-patter of many little feet, and onto the third room he burst in bellowing like a siren.

"Woooeeeooo! Woooeeeooo! Dis is no' a drill, fellas. Yeh know deh score, up, or it's 'Oh noes, 'e gets de hose!'" he sang effeminately, kicking one of the larger lumps so it rolled out of bed with a loud crash. That woke them up.

In the fourth and last of the bedrooms, all four occupants were already in some stage of wakefulness so there was no need for theatrics. It was another girl's room, and the eldest, a twelve-year old with auburn hair was sat upright and watched him, arms folded, as he peeled open their curtains to let in the day.

"I take it that was Pluto we just heard. That is the fourth time this week, you realise. He bruised so badly from yesterday's fall his butt looks like a giant blueberry!"

The youngest of the girls, a little zabrack called Mimi, squealed with delight and hopped from her bed, clinging to Kallum's leg. He carried her weight around the room as he shuffled from window to window, and through a fit of giggles, she chanted:

"Blueberry butt! Blueberry butt! Mister Tatvan has a big blueberry butt!"

[Kallum Romanoch]

The second floor now alive with a familiar exuberant buzz; girls debating dresses and combing each others hair while boys raced for the sonic showers and wrestled over toys. It wasn't quite as regimented as a school morning and Kallum allowed them that small luxury to compensate for the demanding day ahead of them. On top of that it granted him extra time to tackle the breakfast problem, heartache abound in the absence of their resident cook, Mrs. Wokburst.

Not yet disturbed by the daily ruckus, the ground floor lay in waiting, deathly still. The matron demanded a large open space for the living and dining areas, both at opposite ends of the building, to encourage a warm welcoming family environment. In pursuing that vision, Taataani also insisted on soft colours, round tables, swollen sofas, and plush rugs. The wall separating the kitchen to the rear of the building was unique in that not only was it made of transparisteel to maintain the expansive aesthetic but it was also decorated with freshly-painted pictures of the children's favourite things: a vibrant collage of smiling suns, candy rainbows, dancing farm animals, swooping superheroes, soaring spaceships, towering mountains and winding streams, all gathered around one all-important focal point - a family and a home. The sight beyond, however, wasn't so picturesque.

In the kitchen stood an entire mountain range of unwashed plates, pots, and pans, all soiled with grease and crusted sauce, bowls laced with dry namana custard and pieces of cutlery thick with yesterday's dinner. Kallum winced, it was worse than he remembered. Courage failing him, he retreated to a door hidden behind the staircase and after inserting his keycard it unlocked and swung open. Rickety stairs fell away into a gloomy basement, he followed them on cautious feet, cursing every tell-tale creak and groan until he reached the bottom.

Little Cubs, the Meorrrei Home for Orphaned Children, rose from the ashes of a derelict theatre destined for condemnation. And while the site had been renovated, evidence of its former life wasn't completely lost. The basement was a mausoleum dedicated to the theatre's memory, an alien underworld of dusty boxes and broken music stands set against a toppled backdrop of faded scenery - a castle wall, a balcony, and moat - and its bleak landscape populated by a host of naked mannequins, posing at suggestive angles, vacant faces betraying every inch of their sorry half-lives. The dank air swam with the scent of old clothes and rotten wood. Beyond was an ancient closet, riddled with scratches and burns, stood flush against the wall and crowned with a large rubber gungan head which had long since lost an eye and half its stupid drooping tongue. The closet doors gave a soft yawn, greeting Kallum with a blast of cold air, and between a row of neatly-wrapped costumes he disappeared.

[Taataani Meorrrei]

BING!

Taurrifar pressed the door chime to the Little Cubs orphanage, waiting under the spacious awning with his mistress. Neatly attired in a cream-colored seersucker suit, he stood at somewhat of a complement to Taataani's pastel yellow sun dress, matching shoes, and flop-brimmed hat. The matron stood waiting idly by, cooling herself with a folding fan in the growing morning heat, as she rolled her eyes behind large sunglasses at Kallum's predicted tardiness.

"Rrjing jit agajin."

BING!

Nothing.

Taataani disdained waiting, and it showed in the occasional twitch in her tail. Snapping her fingers, she extended a hand which was soon filled by a slender stim, supplied by Taurrifar from a case he kept on hand. She pressed it to pursed lips, and he, ever considerate, lit it for her.

"No doubt bussjyjing hjimsself afterr the ljittle oness."

She shrugged, exhaling a breath of purple smoke from her nose.

"jI gjive hjim two mjinutess, then jI'll be upsset."

The bustle of speeder traffic behind her caused her to glance back, and then down at her feet with some disdain.

"Damn sshoess. Torrturre devjicess, jI ssajy. When jI'm done herre, jI want jyou to rreturrn them. Full djisscount."

With infinite patience for slapdash requests, Taurrifar nodded.

"Of courrsse, Taataani."

She gave a sweet smile behind her stim.

"jYou'rre a peach."

[Kallum Romanoch]

Plastic hissed and crackled as Kallum passed through the closet and parting the contents of the clothes rack he stepped out onto the other side. He found himself in the corner of a small dreary cellar. A damp crypt of red brick walls tainted emerald by a growth of moss, it extented to the roof which was barely tall enough to accomodate Kallum's unspectacular height, and crept down the wooden support columns in thick beards. On one side of the room there was a long bench which boasted an impressive collection of items - a row of wooden racks filled with test tubes, metal stands with protruding arms and clamping rings linking a vast network of flasks, beakers, funnels, glass pipes and rubber tubing, and alongside there were unlit burners, scattered spatulas, blackened tongs and large powder-filled jars. On the other side of the room a small telescreen emitted a grey glow, its light chasing shadows to the edges of the room where a couple of occupied matresses laid.

"Decca!" he whispered into the gloom, "Nubb! Wake up!"

He strode across the room, knocking over an empty soda can, and one of the beds moved. In a heartbeat, Kallum found himself staring down the barrel of a blaster pistol, held firmly in place by a pasty-faced man with a scruffy beard and wild red hair. Kallum sneered.

"It's me, cock 'ead!"

Turning from the pistol, he assessed the bulk on the other bed, it being decidedly larger and rounder than the former. It rocked heavily after a good nudge from his boot then moved no more, Kallum tried again and for his efforts recieved a soft groan, then silence. Frustrated, he wheeled on the red-haired man, who was now unarmed, upright and rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"Wha's deh matter wi' 'im?"

"You got no chance, mate," he managed to answer through a yawn, "On the big stuff, 'e was, at it all night. I reckon we won't see no sign of life from 'im til... just a tick... what time do you call this?"

"Ge' up, Decca, I need a favour. Deh cook's gone fer a burton. Sort us suttin' out fer brecky, will yeh?"

"Again?" he blurted, scrambling to his feet. Kallum retreated a step and took a long look at him. Decca was a tall gangling man of thirty with pale skin and an abundance of flaming body hair. He was wearing blue jumpsuit bottoms held in place by a pair of braces and an old oil-stained undershirt. Kallum shook his head.

"Yeh can' wear da' in deh kitchen."

Far away, the doorbell rang and he visibly flinched. Eyes bulged in dawning realisation and he started unbuttoning his flowery summer shirt. He barked at Decca, a frantic edge to his voice.

"Ge' outta da' scruffy shit, lad! Quick! Den ge' yerself cleaned up an' fryin' eggs!"

In moments he was out of his shirt, his cream slacks and sandals, and was instead dressed in Decca's old loose-fitting attire. The doorbell rang again. He charged through the basement, scattering a pile of sheet music, and bounded up the stairs to the ground floor. The morning sun framed a couple of familiar silhouettes in the doorway, he cursed his luck as he crossed the foyer, then slipping on a winning smile and a cheerful disposition he threw open the door.

"Madam Meorrrei, so pleased teh see yeh! Please, come in!"

[Taataani Meorrrei]

"Kallum, jyou look ljike a djisscount mechanjic. Djidn't jI bujy jyou ssome decent clothess?"

Already starting before she was through the door, Taataani extinguished her stim on the ground before stepping in. After all, smoke was bad for the little ones! She stepped through the threshold, removing her flop-brimmed hat and sunglasses, and holding each to the side, where they were dutifully collected by Taurrifarr and put away. With a grunt, she kicked off her uncomfortable shoes, preferring to walk on her bare feet.

"Taurrifarr, mjy sshoess too."

"jYess mjisstrresss."

She padded over to Kallum, careful not to touch his dingy duds.

"jYou'rre gojing to change beforre the medjia jiss herre, jyess?"

[Kallum Romanoch]

"So quick teh judge, mam!"

Kallum held his hands up to add to his display of false disbelief - he'd fully expected the matron to begin picking the flesh from him the moment she was through the door. He rummaged around in one of his deep pockets and pulled out a pair of plyers, giving them a shake.

"While yeh were gettin' pampered an' dressed dis mornin' I've been up teh a birra las' minute maintenance. Now..."

He swung an arm out towards the living area and its assortment of bright circular sofas, inviting the matron to take a seat.

"If yeh would like teh rest dose dainty little paws o' yours, I will go 'n' make meself 'andsome fer yeh 'n' deh kids will be down shortly."

He turned to excuse himself but instead came full circle with a snap of his fingers:

"Unless me lady fancies a nice beveragé?"

[Taataani Meorrrei]

Taataani let a smile slip in spite of herself.

"jYess, that would be loveljy. Tea then?"

Easing onto one of the over-plush couches, Taa's smile grew as her bare feet nestled into the plush carpeting, the claws on her toes extending as she kneaded at the shag a bit. Nothing like a decent carpet job.

"And how arre ourr ljittle oness? Besst behavjiorr?"

[Kallum Romanoch]

"Hm. Iced tea," he decided, after considering Taataani for a second.

"Deh kids are tip-top. Yeh go' me a baske' o' good eggs, mam."

His voice faded as he entered the kitchen and went about preparing Taataani's tea. Siezing the opportunity, he deposited the first batch of filthy dishes and pans into the cleaner - which was a mercifully large model, meaning the job would be done in two or three washes - it came to life with a low hum. He heard the door open and started, expecting to find himself under Taurrifar's watchful eye. Instead there stood Decca, hair washed and combed, beard trimmed.

"Dat's berrer," Kallum nodded, and swept past with a tall glass of iced tea, "Yeh know where every'n' is... keep i' simple bu' nice."

Behind him he heard Decca groan, presumably at the sight of unwashed kitchenware, but moved boldly onwards. When he handed Taataani her drink he looked rather pleased with himself.

"I reckon yeh'll like da'! It's gorra slice o' lemon an' every'n'."

[Taataani Meorrrei]

Taataani tried to hide her impressed expression, but when he lips touched the glass and tipped back the cool tea - and mind you, a proper iced tea was something easily appreciated and somewhat tough to replicate - the smile formed on the rim of the glass.

A proper Cizeri iced tea. Yes, she knew she ordered the kitchen stocks (or better yet, had Taurrifarr do it), and thus had an overall creative control over the premises, but it had the transformative ability to take her back to so many sun-drenched mornings on her veranda in Hai'rathee district.

Careful not to quaff the entire glass, she eased to a coaster and pursed her lips a bit to get at that last drop that clung to them.

"jI haven't had tea that njice ssjince motherr made jit. That'ss a gjift."

Waving him on, Taataani gestured for him to go get a wash and a change of clothes.

"Go on now, jI want to ssee jyou look jyourr besst."

Her eyes tracked up to movement at the stairs, noticing a half dozen faces pressed against the bannister of the stairs to watch in hopeful anticipation of the houseguest. Taataani gave the children a wave.

"Now, who wantss candjy?"

That triggered an avalanche of little padding feet, thundering down the stairs as fast as they could safely (or otherwise) go.

[Kallum Romanoch]

"Da' is fer after yer breakfast!" Kallum called from upstairs.

When he returned he appeared to have kept the old colour scheme and tidied it up with a pair of navy blue trousers, a breezy white short-sleeved shirt, unbuttoned at the neck, and a pair of white plimsolls. It was a style sported by a couple of Taataani's well-to-do seafaring associates, except he made it look good. He smiled to find the matron surrounded by a semi-circle of children, gathered on the couches and rugs, enraptured by her every word.

"Why don' yeh tell 'em abarr da' time yeh were almos' kidnapped by pirates?"

[Taataani Meorrrei]

She looked up at Kallum with a sweet smile, as one of the little girls struggled to climb the couch, and was rewarded by being placed in the matron's lap. A dozen pairs of little eyes fixed on her, hanging on her every word as she spun an appropriately tall tale.

"Would jyou beljieve that? A pjirrate? Comjing to kjidnap me? jYou thjink thejy could?"

A chorus of "NOOOOO!!!" shouted back at her, the kids grinning ear to ear at the story.

She waggled a finger at them.

"jI told 'em all to get off mjy sshjip orr jI'd ssock 'em one. Nobodjy ljikess a djirrtjy old pjirrate. jYou know whjy?"

Hands shot up everywhere.

"Grregorr!"

A ruddy-faced boy with curly hair rocked back and forth on his knees as he spoke.

"Because pirates steal...and they hurt people...and do bad stuff!"

"Rrjight. And what do we know about sstealjing bojyss and gjirrlss?"

Again the chorus

"IT'S WROOOOOONG!!!"

Thrilled, Taataani clapped to her captive audience, easing Gregor up to the spare room on her lap to sit with the other girl, and she squeezed them both in a hug.

[Kallum Romanoch]

Kallum stood with his arms folded, rocking merrily on his feet, amused by the spectacle. Taataani's mothering instinct was strong and it was interesting to observe her in this environment, comfortable with an army of hyperactive children when she was regularly at ease in a room full of greedy corporate sharks. He was thankful for her presence, normally the children were irritable and restless when breakfast was late, but the matron provided a welcome distraction. Then he noticed a hint of movement out of the corner of his eye.

"Shaw?"

A small boy with dark unkempt hair appeared from behind the staircase and pressed himself against the transparisteel wall, peeking into the kitchen. He wore a long baggy shirt, heavily-frayed jeans, and a pair of muddy sneakers. Kallum strode over and caught him by the scruff of his neck before he could make a break. He writhed and thrashed, muttering empty threats as he was turned on the spot and led towards the group.

"What's he doin' 'ere?" he barked, "I ain't 'avin his stinkin' slop again! Gerroff me!"

"Jus' si' down, an no' anudder word, Shaw."

Finally, Kallum released him with and placed a sharp kick to his bottom to send him on his way. He skulked to the couch furthest from Taataani and wrestled his way between two smaller boys, adjusting his widly stretched shirt in the process. The disturbance drew little attention from the rest of the children.

Hareem, the eldest of the girls arrived at the foot of the stairs, carrying Mimi and stood patiently while the matron finished her story. By which time, there was a smell of fried eggs coming from the kitchen.

"Right!" boomed Kallum, "'oo wants some brecky?"

[Taataani Meorrrei]

Taa finished her story, watching Shaw sulk up to the couch with a frumpy-looking shirt, and not looking a bit happy about it. She didn't let that deter her expression, and as Kallum sounded the breakfast call, she hopped up and happily helped herd the children toward the dining tables. She held back a bit, putting a hand on Shaw's shoulder.

"Come on now, Sshaw, don't forrget to put jyourr sshoess jin the cubbjy holess. We don't want to carrjy mud jinssjide."

The damage was done, more or less, but there wasn't any sense berating the kid over it. She expected Kallum would have that attended to in due time. Shaw, for his part, reluctantly trodded off, soiled shoes in hand. She watched him deposit his duds, and then head back to join the other children, already forming a buzzing mass of little shrieking conversations at the table as they waited for their grub. The Meorrrei matriarch suddenly remembered that a certain someone was loitering like a bump on a log.

"Taurrifarr, be a peach and help Val wjith the kjitchen dutjiess."

Reverting back to Kallum's alias with others around, she gestured toward the kitchen. Taurrifarr, bewildered, had about as much idea about a forrda kitchen as he did an astronavigation laboratory. Cocking his ears at funny angles, he peered inside to shrug at the human.

[Kallum Romanoch]

"Come in, Taurrifar, don't be shy!"

Kallum bounded up to Taataani's hulking manservant and reached up to place a hand on his shoulder, leading him inside. He directed him across to where Decca was dishing up the breakfast, four plates to a tray, and moving in close Kallum gave the food a thorough inspection. The look of concern he'd hidden from Taurrifar evaporated and was replaced by broad grin.

"Yeh've outdone yerself dis time, Dec," he said, and planted a kiss on his cheek, "Thank yeh, darlin'!"

Whipping away before Decca could retaliate, he scooped up one of the trays and followed Taurrifar outside. The children squirmed in their seats, and craned their necks to get a good look at what was coming to them, meanwhile Kallum started to serve at the opposite end of the room to Taurrifar, closest to Taataani.

"Now lemme see... dere's baba ham, thick slices o' buttered toast, an' look a' deese gucked eggs... but..." he crouched down next to Mimi and pointed at the contents of her plate, then said in curious undertone, "Mimi... what's da'?"

"Bouncin' beans!" she declared triumphantly.

"Bouncin' beans?" Kallum repeated, standing suddenly upright with a face full of fear, "Oh, no! Not bouncin' beans! Mama Taa, d'yeh know wha' dis means? Tell Mama Taa wha' bouncin' beans means..."

There was a sudden chorus of raspberries being blown and the children fell into a fit of giggles. Kallum lowered himself to the matron's ear, draping an arm around her chair and he lowered his voice, a ghost of a smirk flickering on his face.

"So procede a' yer own peril, mam, an' tell me: will deh lady be dinin' wi' or wirrout 'er clothes?"

[Taataani Meorrrei]

Taataani cast a sidelong glance to Kallum, unable to prevent her amused smile from betraying her.

"Tea and clothess arre fjine forr brreakfasst, dearr Kallum."

Her tail, with the accuracy of a guided proton torpedo, slunk against the inside of Kallum's left leg and travelled up.

Her smile transformed into narrowed eyes and a smirk, she again kneaded the carpet with her bare toes.

"jI'm not rruljing out dessserrt, tjime perrmjittjing."

She whispered, giving him a gentle push away as her tail released and slapped his bottom. Becoming mama again, Taataani looked aghast at the children blowing raspberries at the table.

"Well, jyou'll kjindljy keep ssuch bouncjing wherre jit'ss apprroprrjiate."

[Kallum Romanoch]

A startled, unflattering kind of yelp escaped Kallum as he bolted upright from beside Taataani and after shrugging it off with a clearing of the throat, he promptly returned to the kitchen. He found Decca whistling to himself while scrubbing the contents of a soapy sink. He wore a pair of pink rubber gloves.

"Oi Dec, a word teh deh wise, if yeh ever find yerself in deh company o' a Cizerack girl watch ou' fer deh tail... things go' a mind o' its own!"

"Just a minute... do you mean... is she... the slippers!?"

Kallum was sounded out of the kitchen by Decca's raucous laughter, the last of the trays in hand. He sat with Taataani, and started tearing ravenously through his meal, raising a watchful eye from time to time to make sure no-one was about to start throwing food.

"So mam, yer deh bin-nis woman, wha's deh plan o' action fer today?"

[Taataani Meorrrei]

Calmly sipping her tea, the eye of a hurricane of rambunctiously-slopping kids, Taataani leaned back in her seat a bit and addressed Kallum's request for an itinerary.

"Not much to do, jit sseemss. A bjit of the whjite glove tesst, make ssurre everrjythjing jiss jin good orrderr beforre the medjia get herre. Chjildrren well-fed, clean, and on behavjiorr. Asss long asss we don't burrn the bujildjing down jin the prrocesss, todajy'ss jusst a vjictorrjy lap."

She sucked on an ice cube in the midst of a smile, then crunched it.

"jYou and jI get everrjyone to eat out of ourr handss, and have tjime of jit. Do jyou ljike to wjin? jI do."

[Kallum Romanoch]

"Yeh sound confiden'."

When it came to Taataani it was stating the obvious and Kallum knew that. Head down, he appeared to be engrossed in loading a piece of toast with as much egg, beans and baba ham as possible. He was of course procrastinating while he chewed over his next choice of words; in preparing for the big day he hadn't quite considered the implications it held for him, or his future. He glanced up at last, wearing a rather mirthless smile.

"Don' reckon' yeh've given much thought teh wha' happens teh me once deh cameras come ou' an' dis report starts circulatin'."

[Taataani Meorrrei]

She looked at him with a somewhat-incredulous expression.

"That ssoundss ljike the begjinnjing of a ssad sstorrjy, the wajy jyou sspjin jit."

Shaking her head, she leaned forward at the table a bit, resting a forearm against it as she gestured with her glass of tea slightly.

"What happenss jiss that jyou worrk jyourr wajy to fjinancjial jindependence. jYou gajin mjy rresspect and grratjitude, whjch, mjind jyou, arre valuable commodjitjiess. Furrtherr, jyou get mjy name on jyourr rressume. That wjill open morre doorrss forr jyou than jyou can count."

Somehow, Taataani had an inkling that for some reason, Kallum was referring to something else. She just couldn't quite put a claw on it.

[Kallum Romanoch]

Kallum was silent. He kept his eyes down and nodded slowly in comprehension of the matron's words. In his chest his heart pounded and old instincts were starting to kick, immediately he became aware of the nearest doors and windows and briefly his eyes flickered across the room to Taurrifar. His nod turned into a shake of the head and as he turned back to Taataani his face was twisted with contempt.

"Come on, Taataani, yer a smar' lady," he quietly hissed, "Figure i' out! Me face on deh news? No? Yer smarter dan da'. Yeh go' i' all worked out, 'aven' yeh?"

In his head it had become so clear. And the way she played it off? Taataani would make a hell of a criminal. He gave one glance to the children, who were too occupied with their breakfast to notice, and leaned in close:

"You ge' deh pretige an' yeh ge' teh lose deh deadweight in deh process!"

[Taataani Meorrrei]

Taa sat her glass of tea down with a little more force than usual, like a gavel coming down to interrupt court proceedings. She gave Kallum an expression intent on having him wilt where he sat, before tracking over to Taurrifarr.

"Darrljing, mjind the cubljingss a moment. Val and jI need to talk about thjingss."

Again, she looked to the human with a no-bullshit expression. If he wanted to play scalded dog, she was going to get this shit out of his system before the press came. She needed him working on all cyllinders.

Rising to her feet, she walked off, with the expectation that Kallum damn-sure better follow her.

[Kallum Romanoch]

He remained seated for a moment, part out of defiance, and part hesitance. The fork was discarded with a clatter and he rose, jaw locked, to follow the matron outside. It was a long walk, or at least felt like one, and gave Kallum time to think, to iron out his doubts. She led him past the kitchen and out into the garden. It was cool, bathed in the long shadow of the house, and now free from the children, there was a sudden oppressive silence. Kallum waited.

[Taataani Meorrrei]

Her back to him, Taataani stared at some of the carefully-arranged flowers mirthlessly. Her arms crossed over her chest as she heard Kallum approach.

"jI've neverr gjiven sso much to ssomeone sso ungrrateful forr jit. Abssoluteljy sshamelesss. A ssecond chance, a rreprrjieve frrom prrjisson, a wajy to forrgjive jyourr debtss, warrdrrobe, gajinful emplojyment and morre."

She spun about, dropping her hands to her hips.

"What now?"

[Kallum Romanoch]

"Tonigh' dis face will appear in a news report. On Holonet."

He ran a hand down his face, incredulous, and closed the distance between them.

"I'm a wanted man! Don' yeh ge' i'? Forge' deh brigh' frackin' future. After tonigh' I've go' frack all!"

He turned away, no, turned on the spot somewhat lost, and turned his gaze back on Taataani.

"Yeh deh smartest person I've ever me', Taataani. 'ow can dis no' be part o' some plan teh ge' rid o' me?"

[Taataani Meorrrei]

Again, she crossed her arms, looking a bit annoyed.

"Kallum, no offensse, but jyou'rre not exactljy Sasseeri Reeouurra. jI've sseen jyourr rrecorrd. Harrdljy bejyond rredemptjion, and even worrthjy of a ssuccesss sstorrjy. Tell me, do jyou feel rrehabjiljitated?"

The tugging corner of a knowing smirk began to form on her face.

[Kallum Romanoch]

"Wha'?" he blurted.

Inwardly, his pride was a little bruised by the matron's flippant dismissal of his sordid life of crime. It gave him pause for thought, though. Perhaps it wasn't that bad... Unless that was what she wanted him to think. His insides knotted and he started to fidget with the hem of his shirt.

"Deh laws deh law, inni'? Maybe I'm no Black Sun bigsho' bu' I'm no angel either..."

His thoughts ran to Decca in the kitchen, and Nubb in the basement, and he felt a twinge of guilt at that.

[Taataani Meorrrei]

"jI've alrreadjy petjitjioned to have jyourr rrecorrd expunged, on the condjitjion of jyourr ssuccesss herre."

Not letting him recover from that bombshell, Taa's smirk grew a bit more.

"jIn all trruth, afterr a healthjy donatjion to hjiss electjion fund, the Correlljian lowerr courrt judge thought mjy method of communjitjy sserrvjice wass rratherr prrogrressjive and a model forr futurre prrogrramss."

Her ears bobbed a little at that, and she looked rather chuffed at her own efforts to keep Kallum from being a liability.

[Kallum Romanoch]

His mouth agape, he leaned forward to take in everything she had to say, not quite able to believe it. His eye twitched as it roamed her smiling face, taking her in.

"Yer serious?" he asked, a little breathless.

It didn't make sense at all; it was too convenient, a fabricated tale planned, no doubt, to quell his revolt. But it was true. He knew it. After all, how could she resist? The gall of this woman, to manipulate the course of his life, bartering for his future. The obstinate kid from Nar Shaddaa clung desperately to paranoia but here he stood, for the first time in his life, truly free to make his own future. And in spite of himself he was grinning like an idiot.

"Please tell me dis is no' a joke! 'Cause if deh busies come knockin' a' me door tonigh' am gonna 'ave teh plan me grand escape over da' rose bush!"

[Taataani Meorrrei]

"jYou thjink jI want to be sseen wjith a wanted man on mjy pajy rrossterr? jYou musst thjink jI ljike to sskjip rrope and plajy wjith antjimatterr, too."

She dropped all sugary pretense at that, looping her tail around his derrier, and pulling him fast against her, she pushed a clawed finger forcefully against his chest.

"Don't make me rregrret the chojice. jYou've sseen what jI can do asss a cassual kjindnesss. Thjink harrd about what jI'll do jif jyou make me have to put efforrt jinto bejing unkjind. jI've ljived a long tjime, and jI have a long tjime to ljive sstjill, and plentjy of tjime to rrememberr."

Her ears switched back as she burned through him with a baleful look, before just as quickly letting him loose and putting it away. She glanced back to the house, sure that by now, breakfast was probably winding toward its conclusion.

"Neverrmjind all that, though, jit'ss ourr bjig dajy, no?"

[Kallum Romanoch]

"Da' i' is," he managed solemnly.

Kallum's eyes were downcast, and he rubbed absently at where his chest was now free of Taataani's prodding claw, he cleared his throat and dared to meet the matron's gaze, barely. He summoned the courage to approach her, a new kind of softness in his eyes, and a humble sincerity to his voice.

"An' yeh won' regre' dis, doin' wha' yeh've done fer me, I promise. When yeh said yeh could open doors fer me, I didn' really believe i'. Bu' when yeh tell me, like yeh jus' did, abarr deh things yeh will do if I disappoin' yeh, well, I believe da' an' i' go' me thinkin'. Yeh see, Madam Meorrrei, I wan' yeh teh know jus' 'ow grateful I am bu'... before I do, I 'ave teh come clean abarr suttin'... an' yeh won' like i'. Yer gonna see, Taataani, jus' 'ow much o' a disappointmen' I can be... Come 'ere!"

Suddenly, he lashed out and clamped his arms around her waist. Before she knew where she was, Taataani was up in the air, spinning in the garden. And beneath, Kallum squeezed her tight, laughing like a schoolboy.

[Taataani Meorrrei]

"Aaah!!"

The surprise was genuine for half a second as she was up-ended. This wasn't Taurrifarr swooping her off her feet. The deer she killed for dinner at their last encounter weighed more than he did! There was a very real chance that she was about to be deposited brusquely onto the ground at an angle that wasn't healthy...

"Hahahahahaha!!!!"

...but when she wasn't, her surprise and shock turned into a gleeful laugh that shook from within as her bare feet kicked about in the air. She could tell that, from his super-human exploits, a huge weight of worry and pessimistic expectation had been lifted off his shoulders. That was only going to work towards his benefit, that much was certain.

"Kallum, jyou be carreful, the lasst thjing jI need arre grrasss sstajinss on mjy asss!"

[Kallum Romanoch]

"Aahhh!"

Starting to feel the strain, Kallum settled Taataani on the grass and relinquished his hold. He beamed through a face pink from overexertion and fought back the last chuckles in his belly. A flicker of disbelief amongst the joy and he simply shook his head at the woman before him. How differently he saw her now, and even so, he still wasn't entirely sure what she was but all probability pointed towards some sort of pointy-eared guardian angel. He released a sigh of relief.

"Well, da' coulda gone one o' two ways. Deh alternative bein' me curled up on deh floor lookin' suttin like da' deer a' dinner... Woo! And you..."

He started to reverse towards the house, prodding a finger at Taataani, a wild kind of excitement in his eyes. His voice was a little ragged from heavy breathing.

"Yer suttin' else, Taataani Meorrrei; mad as a box o' nala frogs, bu' yeh, definately suttin' else. Now der's suttin' I need teh talk teh me- our cook abarr... won' be long... would yer excuse me?"

[Taataani Meorrrei]

Taataani gave him a curious look, not bothering to hide her smile at the sudden metamorphosis her street-savvy man of action had undergone. She shrugged, adjusting her dress as best she could in the process.

"jYou'rre the prroprrjietorr, Kallum. Don't mjind me. jI'll just be admjirrjing jyourr flowerrss."

She didn't seem to be paying the flowers any attention. He had her undivided attention.

[Kallum Romanoch]

Kallum swept through the house with a practised degree of stealth, avoiding the all-seeing eyes of hyperactive children, and slipped inside the kitchen. Decca busied himself with the dish-drying, apron and rubber gloves long since abandonned, and inwardly Kallum cursed his bad luck, figuring it would've been easier to tackle a difficult subject with him while he looked like a bitch. Silently, he braced himself.

"If you're after seconds you can forget it, mate," he said, tossing the kitchen towel over his shoulder. Silence. His hands fell to his hips and with a heavy sigh, he averted his gaze, "Alright. Let's be having it!"

"Wha'? I 'aven' said a word."

"But you're about to, right?" Decca laughed humourlessly, "Never play sabacc, Kallum."

"I need a favour," he confessed, another mirthless laugh but before Decca could pipe up he added, "Bu' dis is differen' an' you're no' gonna like i'."

"I never do."

"I need yeh teh be me."

"You what?"

"When Corellia Today arrives, I wan' dem teh think you are Val Tatvan. When dey ask fer interviews- woah! Woah!"

Decca made a move for the kitchen door, his face twisted with outrage. Kallum moved to intercept him but the momentum of his great strides pushed him flush with the door. There was a brief struggle in which Kallum clamped his hands on the taller man's shoulders and held him fast while he pleaded, blocking Decca's only escape route.

"Dec, 'ear me ou', please! Please! Jus' listen, arrigh'?"

Perhaps it was the fact that the scuffle could draw unwanted attention from the children, or maybe it was the pitiful desperation he saw etched into Kallum's face, clinging to his weak quavering voice, but something convinced Decca to relinquish his hold on him. He nodded, gently patted down Kallum's creased shirt, and gave him some room.

"Nice one. Okay... 'ere's deh thing... Der's a job. A big one. Deh kind da' will ge' you outta stinkin' cellars fer good. I 'ave i' worked ou' in me 'ead, righ'? Bu' der's one catch. I 'ave teh be seen as Kallum Romanoch an' no' Val Tatvan. Deh las' thing I wan' is fer deh people I'm gonna be workin' wi' teh see me runnin' Taataani's bleedin' orphanage, go' i'? Dis stupid alias o' mine could mess every'n' up fer us which is why I need yeh teh pretend to be me in front o' deh cameras today. I'm serious! Dis is fer real! Yer a good fella, Dec, an' I wanna do righ' by yeh, bu' yeh 'ave teh trust me."

He fell silent, and searched Decca's face with wide imploring eyes, waiting. Then at length, his friend folded his arms, and said, "Do you have any comprehension of what you're asking me to do?"

"Yeah, i' is risky bu', be 'onest wi' me 'ere Dec, 'ave I ever le' yeh down? Dis will work an' i' will change every'n'."

"But Taa-"

"Le' me worry abarr Taataani. I go' 'er sussed ou', no worries. Look, yeh know 'ow teh be around deh kids an' I'll be der, too. An' when dey corner yeh fer an interview I'll make sure deh old bird's eyes are on me. Arrigh'?"

"If this goes tits up..."

"I've 'eard da' before," he said, and feeling the thrill of success, he took Decca's hand.

Moments later he was outside again, and found Taataani sitting beside the rock pool, a toe in the water. He smiled, pleased with Taataani, pleased with himself, pleased with Decca...

"Our residen' chef 'as kindly offered teh look after deh kids tonigh'. Da' makes me a free man, fer one nigh' only, an' da' gives you deh rarest of opportunities," he offered her a hand, and explained: "Dinner in Bela Vistal wi' deh most 'andsome man on Corellia."

[Taataani Meorrrei]

She cast a look back at him, the bemused expression barely coming through to betray her deadpan rebuke of his offer.

"Mosst handssome man on Correlljia? A prrjince among pauperrss, ne?"

Her smile fully emerged, then she narrowed her eyes, thinking of something rather queer about this arrangement.

"Arren't jI ssuppossed to be the one to offerr jyou ssuch a trreat? Ljittle man, we majy be on Correlljia, but jI am sstjill Rrou'fai."

Pausing a moment to adjust his hair to a manner of her liking, she continued.

"Bessjidess, jyou'd be pajyjing the bjill out of pettjy crredjitss jI'm ssuppljyjing anjywajy, sso jit'ss mjy bjill whetherr orr not jI ssajy sso."

She then turned the entire invitation around with a little saccharine smile.

"Sso, jyou accept mjy jinvjitatjion forr djinnerr then?"

[Kallum Romanoch]

"Kind 'o yeh teh ask, mam. I'd be delighted teh sponge off yer inexhaustible wealth some more!"

There was a crash from inside the house followed swiftly by an upheaval of laughter. Kallum turned a knowing look back to Taataani and shrugged.

"Sounds like deh natives are restless. Shall we?"

He prodded out his arm for her to take and led the way back to the house. Inwardly, he rifled through the details of the difficult day ahead of him, and the long night to follow it. He grinned.

"Now, I know dis will be difficul' fer yeh bu' tonigh' I 'ave one request: no business!"

[Taataani Meorrrei]

Her widened eyes were a wordless command for him to perish the thought of business at dinner.

"Afterr todajy jiss done, jI'll be morre than rreadjy to put all carress assjide. We can watch the holoss, complement ourrsselvess on a job well done, and perrhapss kjick back wjith a pajirr of ssljipperrss on mjy feet."

With that bit of double entendre, she tucked her bottom lip under a fang in conspicuous contemplation.

Then, she saw the mess at the table.

"Oh Saanjarra, jyou ljittle helljionss..."

Her head on the swivel, locked on to the figure of a bigger felinoid, busying about here and there.

"Taurrifarr, jyou arre gojing to tend to the messs, jyess?"

[Kallum Romanoch]

"Taurrifarr migh' be your manservant, bu' 'e's no' mine. Allow me, old bean."

Passing Taurrifarr, he gave him a stiff pat on the shoulder and swooped down to pick up the pieces of a broken plate. Giggling children caught an uncharacteristic steely gaze from him and they immediately fell silent. His time at Little Cubs had certainly taught him a few tricks. The larger shards gathered, he retreated to the kitchen, taking a moment to advise the children in caution with sharp objects.

"Alrigh' Dec, 'ere's deh deal," he began the moment the door was shut, "Me an' deh boss are goin' fer a swanky meal tonigh', an' I need you teh pu' deh kids teh bed."

"You have got a frackin-"

"No' around deh kids, lad! Now dis is deh impor'an' bi'... once der asleep, I need you an' Nubb teh clear ou' deh basemen' o' all our 'ardware an' product, gorri'?"

Decca's pale face filled with a colour to rival his blazing beard, his mouth opened as if to eat him whole, but before he could scream objections Kallum thumped him in the gut. The taller man doubled over, wheezing, and used a table to remain standing. Kallum pressed his lips to his ear and hissed in a dangerous undertone.

"I'm gonna say dis once: we're movin' ou' an' dat's da', arrigh? A berrer deal 'as come along an' we're gonna take i', so fer a change jus' do wha' I frackin' tell yeh!"

When Decca rose the red in his face had turned purple and, with a pang of guilt, Kallum gave him an apologetic look and straightened out his shirt. Then he rested a hand on his shoulder and kneaded the tension out, the edge in his voice disappeared.

"Yeh 'ave teh trus' me, mate. I won' le' yeh down. Now, I wan' yeh teh go ou' der an' clean up deh rest o' da' spillage so I can introduce yeh to Madam Meorrrei. An' believe me, i' makes a good firs' impression teh be seen on yer knees."

Their eyes met and Decca smirked like a schoolboy. He broke away to collect a dustpan and brush before following Kallum outisde. The children stared as he went to work and Kallum rounded the tables to join Taataani, sweeping a broad gesture at the man crouched over a splatter of bouncing beans.

"Madam Meorrrei, I'd like teh presen' teh yeh the newest addition to the Little Cubs staff, Mister Brix. Our new cook."

He folded his arms, leaned towards the matron, and muttered, "Deh las' one abandonned us fer Zu-Zu Vazoo, I say we make da' our venue tonigh' an' complain abarr every las' morsel 'til we ge' a full refund."

[Taataani Meorrrei]

She looked at him a bit skeptically. Looked more like a speeder mechanic than a cook. And...that fur on his face!

Finishing her tea at last, she leaned forward as she regarded him with the usual sort of appraising fashion she was oft to use.

"Cook me ssomethjing."

She wasn't particularly hungry, but she wanted to see something dished up that would inspire confidence in the choice. She'd watched the children happily slop up a Full Corellian, but she hoped that wasn't the extent of it, or this little gaggle of nunas would have to learn to waddle for locomotion.

Pursing her lips a bit, she gestured at his face.

"And that bearrd, losse jit."

[Kallum Romanoch]

Decca stirred from his menial task, rising to his full height, and what an impressive sight it would've been were it not for the plastic dustpan in one hand and the sunshine-coloured brush in the other. There was a silence and a host of little faces stared up at him rapt curiosity.

"Food first, or beard?" he grunted, his beady gaze managed to pin Kallum to the wall, and all he could managed was a forced cough.

"Madam Meorrrei?" Decca added.

[Taataani Meorrrei]

Her mouth turned into the slightest of smiles as he afforded her a bit of manners in a proper addressing.

"Food fjirrsst. Ssomethjing njice. jI don't ssupposse jI have to worrjy about jyou ssheddjing jinto mjy brrunch?"

She honestly hadn't the foggiest idea about forrda food, and was probably just going to have Kallum eat it anyway, though she might hazard to try some slice of overcooked something. How humans made lumps of coal appetizing, she'd never figure out.

[Kallum Romanoch]

"Right. I'll be sure to keep my... fur under control."

And without another word, Decca left. Kallum watched him return to the kitchen with some unease, squirming uncomfortably where he stood, that sinking feeling returned. He should've seen this coming. He should've kept him hidden from Taataani. And now it was too late. A climate of excitement, barely contained, spread around the room as each table came to life with the whisperings of children.

"Arrigh! Listen up, me little sproglets!" Kallum yelled suddenly, "It's our big day today, inni'? An' wha' are we gonna do?"

"Beeehaaaave!" came their well-rehearsed reply.

"Aaand?"

"Beee gooood!"

"Dat's righ'! We're gonna make Auntie Taataani proud an' 'cause Auntie Taataani loves us all very much she 'as lef' yers all a little gift each..."

There were small gasps around the room, and they stirred in their seats, eyes fixed on the kindly matron. Kallum grinned and raised a finger pointedly.

"Now boys an' girls, da' is wha' we call a show o' good faith so yeh all berrer be on yer bestes' behaviour today, yeah? So... wha' d'we 'ave teh say teh Auntie Taataani?"

"Thaaank you, Auntie Taataaaani!" they sang back to him, eagerly.

"Good! Yeh will find a presen' waitin' fer yehs on yer beds. Now go on, ge' lost!"

The sudden clamour of screeching chairs and thundering feet was enough to make him cringe, but he folded his arms across his chest and watched as the children left in a giddy rush for the stairs, a small smirk betraying his satisfaction. He offered Taataani a sideways glance.

"Oh, I took deh liberty o' spongin' off some o' dose petty credits we were jus' discussin'. Consider i' an inves'men', mam: 'appy kids fer an 'appy 'ome."

[Taataani Meorrrei]

"Werren't jyou the one who ssajid jyou've got no talent forr cubljingss?"

Leaning back in her seat, she crossed her arms over her chest with all the body language of an I told you so.

She glanced back to catch an occasional glimpse or sound of Kallum's new-found chef. Might as well have been conducting alchemy experiements. Too much fuss and science involved in actually cooking food. That sort of thing wasn't unheard of among Cizeracks, but Taataani certainly wasn't about to learn a bit of it.

Coming back to the topic of the special gift for the kids, the Meorrrei matron had a brief snort, an uncouth laugh that she quickly clamped down on, but couldn't get rid of the smile left to hold the rest back.

"Wrrjite jit off asss an operratjing expensse, jyou goat. That wass ssweet, though.

jI'm sserrjiouss when jI ssajy jit, jyou'rre a naturral at thjiss ssorrt of thjing. jI've been a motherr long enough to know jit'ss not all ssmjiless and good tjimess everrjy moment, but jyou do what jyou musst."

[Kallum Romanoch]

"No offense teh yer maternal instincts an' da' bu' dis is jus' good business: yeh learn when teh give an' when teh take, an' da' isn' limited teh nine year olds either. You taugh' me da'."

Maybe it was cold, but the bright smiling faces of little children wasn't exactly what he defined as job satisfaction. Showing Taataani, even Taurrifarr, that he was capable of anything to which he set his mind... that was job satisfaction. It pleased him to know that, under the watchful eye of the matriarch, every small success was a step towards something bigger, something better, and that motivated him more than any empty promise from the Black Sun. He caught her glancing across to the kitchen again.

"Lemme tell yeh a little suttin' abarr our friend, Mister Brix. He once 'ad 'is own cantina, a nice family place in one o' deh smaller provinces outside Tyrena. Der 'e lived wi' 'is wife an' 'is two year old son. One day, deh big bad Empire comes a-knockin'. Dey ques'ion 'is ownership, tell 'im 'is lease is void 'cause some Imperial bigsho' 'as laid claim teh deh land. Nex' ding 'e knows 'e's ou' on 'is arse an' deh missus flocks teh 'er mudder in deh country wi' deh kid while 'e scrounges work.

Fas' forward a few months an' ol' Decca's visi'n' soup kitchens an' sleepin' under bridges, ashamed teh go teh 'is wife an' see 'is son. So wha' does he do? 'e falls in wi' some colourful characters 'oo's tradin' interests run teh, shall we say, deh exotic... 'e does 'is bi', 'e gets 'is cu', an' before yeh know i' 'e's livin' under a roof again' an' starts sendin' deh missus 'is money - 'appy days!

So summer rolls aroun', an' 'is little lad is due teh turn three, an' i' turns ou' daddy 'as saved enough money teh come visi'. When 'e arrives, arms full o' bir'dee prezzies, 'is missus answers deh door an' she 'as a few ques'ions fer our poor Decca. Where've yeh bin? Wha' job 'ave yeh go'? Where's all dis money comin' from!?"

The contempt on Kallum's tongue was palpable as he immitated Decca's whiney wife. Arms locked around his chest, he leaned towards Taataani and lowered his voice:

"A little secre' fer yeh: Decca's no' deh sharpes' knife in deh drawer so wha' does 'e do? 'e tells 'er every'n'! She's 'is wife! She'll understan' an' love 'im jus' deh same... 'e's doin' i' fer 'is family, after all! Righ? Wro-hong! Woman's been 'angin' ou' wi' 'er ma fer too long, takes deh moral 'igh ground an' slams deh door in 'is face. When 'e demands teh see 'is son she 'as deh comm ready teh contact deh authorities. Dat's marriage fer yeh, I suppose.

Las' I 'eard, she moved ou' o' 'er ma's place an' in wi' some frackin' used speeder parts salesman in Kolene, bu' 'ere's deh good bi': turns ou' 'is business is as ben' as a twelve cred chi'! 'e's doin' six years in Pragga Penitentiary an' she's facin' an enquiry fer pervertin' deh course o' justice. Now 'ow's da' fer a slice o' fried gold?"

It was easy to get carried away with such a story, and let it never be said Kallum Romanoch cannot flap his gums when he fancies, but he figured the old bird would enjoy a good spot of scandal all the same. The string of animated expressions which had accompanied his tale settled into a business face, and he leaned against the wall to watch Decca putting the finishing touches on whatever it was he was conjuring up for his potential new boss.

"Arrigh', so Decca's a little rough aroun' deh edges bu' 'e works 'ard an' if yeh ask me, 'e deserves a chance."

[Taataani Meorrrei]

Taataani couldn't help but suspect there was some sort of ghetto confessional hidden amongst Kallum's friend's sad tale. She considered his words, filtered mainly through her experience with the loveable con.

"All jI ssajid wass jit would be good jif he sshaved the bearrd."

She said it dismissively, but met Kallum's eyes to give a bit of understanding on both Decca and him. She wanted to ask him if his story had a similar tragic bent to it, but before she could, Decca brought out a piping hot plate to frame in the midst of the placemat and charger set before Taataani's seat. It looked...well...creative! The Meorrrei matron leaned over slightly, gave it a sniff. It smelled strange, but probably wouldn't kill her. Cocking her ears slightly, she looked up at the bearded cook.

"What jiss jit?"

[Kallum Romanoch]

"Gamorrean tendermeat and sweet chilli noodles," answered Decca, "Don't worry, love, it's not made from real Garmorrean."

Kallum noticed a thin smile buried beneath that cluster of thick rusty hair and wondered if Decca was beginning to enjoy himself. He rocked on his heels expectantly, peering over Taataani's shoulder to catch a whiff of the latest concotion. He frowned, nostrils flaring as he contemplated the spicy aroma and at last gave Decca a nod.

"Just something I threw together, ma'am, what with the news crew on its way an' all. Not exactly a morning meal, you understand."

No, o' course no'," Kallum piped up at once, offering him a reassuring look, "Good thinkin', Mr Brixx. An' i' smells spot on, da'. An' deh presentation, Taataani, no' too shabby, eh? Even if I do say so meself!"

From across the table he winked at his substitute chef.

[Taataani Meorrrei]

Now, how to go about this.

Taataani hoisted the fork, familiar enough to know how it's generally done. The tendermeat was fairly easy to recognize, even though it looked like it had all the flavor cooked out of it. That was rested against what looked like a mass of parasitic worms of some sort. Taataani kept her appreciative face, and it did indeed smell edible. How to suss this out exactly...

She dipped the prongs of the fork into the noodles, watching with concern as a fork full of dangly strands was hoisted up. She looked to Kallum, looked to Decca, and looked to her dress, which as was the custom for forrda was still on at the dinner setting.

She eased her fork down, placing both hands on the table.

"What'ss a noodle?"

She asked, with a mild inflection of Do I want to know left unsaid.

More comfortable with her fingers, she picked one up, carefully spooling it a bit around a finger before putting her finger in her mouth to remove the cumbersome food item. Mid-chew, she took on a really confused expression, and she spoke with her mouth semi-full.

"Rrealljy, what jiss a noodle?"

[Kallum Romanoch]

Decca suddenly found something fascinating about the corner of the room, the corners of his mouth twitched, and he was sure if he dared to look back to the matron - who sat mouth agape with a curious string of noodle peeking out - he would double over with laughter. Kallum, equally amused by Taataani's confusion, choked it back, and disguised it as an innocent clearing of the throat.

"Well, it's nottin' da' was once alive an roamin' deh savannah, if dat's wha' yeh mean, mam."

"Noodles are stretched pieces of dough, miss," Decca finally chimed in, addressing the matron through a restrained smile, "That is wheat and, er, eggs... miss."

"Come on, mam, where's yeh sense o' adventure? Ge' i' down yeh! It'll pu' 'airs on yeh chest!"

Decca turned away as casually as possible with something that resembled a high-pitched whimper. Kallum grinned from ear to ear as he coiled a generous helping of noodles around Taataani's fork and guided it towards her mouth.

"Now open wide fer deh traaain! Choo-chooo! Chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga..."

[Taataani Meorrrei]

It didn't take a cubling to figure out that both Kallum and his pal Decca were having a bit of fun at Taa's expense. The Matron gave a reluctant swallow at Kallum's explanation.

"Well, jit tasstess....loveljy, but what a lot of convoluted worrk and efforrt that musst be forr food."

She gave Kallum a look that might be considered withering if she wasn't threatening to smile and spoil it all. She turned eyes forward, away from him, and put on the best approximation of a stoic expression as she obediently opened her mouth.

[Kallum Romanoch]

The men gave a cheer, and after assisting Taataani with her first helping of noodles, Kallum folded in a fit of childish giggles. It had to be the nerves. The crew from Corellia Today were due to arrive at any moment, and there was still so much to do. Decca was laughing too, but he figured that was from relief at not having been eaten alive by his new boss. Rounding the table, Kallum clapped him on his shoulder.

"Dec, ge' rid o' da' facial fuzz, will yeh? Yeh look like a gian' - whatcha call 'em - leprechaun!" he managed through his subsiding laughter.

Decca gone, Kallum collapsed into the seat opposite Taataani, and slumped forward on the table. There was laughter from upstairs, indicating the little ones were pleased with their gifts. He heaved a long sigh and buried his head in his arms. It was the quiet before the storm.

"Never been on holo before... feels like me insides are dancin'!"

[Taataani Meorrrei]

Taa cleaned her plate, finishing up with a belch that carried a bit of bass. She spent a moment dabbing at herself obsessively with a napkin, paranoid that she had a spot of something on her clothes until she was sure she was clean after looking four times. She paused at Kallum's comment, clapping a hand at his shoulder.

"jI've sseen jyou act beforre, rrememberr?"

She gave him a wink.

"jI thjink that parrt of jit wjill come naturral to jyou. Don't pjick jyourr nosse orr currsse, orr do anjythjing jI wouldn't do, and jyou'll be fjine. Oh! Alsso!"

With a bit of a conspiratorial look, she waved Taurrifar over, and as he arrived, she reached into his jacket, fidgeting inside his breast pocket until she found a little discrete hip flask.

"Mjint sschnappss. Just a bjit takess the edge off, and no one'ss anjy wjisserr!"