14 reasons why you dont want children

[Darth Turbogeek]

http://www.noblejoker.com/2007/10/follow-these-14-simple-tests-before-you.html

And my favorite....

Test 8
Go to the local supermarket.
Take with you the nearest thing you can find to a pre-school child.
A full-grown goat is excellent.
If you intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat.
Buy your weeks groceries without letting the goat(s) out of your sight.
Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.
Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

[Carré Inirial]

Test 4
Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems:
1. Buy a live octopus and a string bag.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that no arms hang out.
3. Time allowed for this: 5 minutes.Oh hell Turbo, this made my evening...this octopus one is one of my favorites.

Of course, where I come from, step one and a half must be to ingest half a bottle of ouzo.

[Travis North]

Ouzo <3

I'd attempt dressing a child everyday if it ment drinking half a bottle of awesome. I'd even change a diaper, god knows I couldn't stomach that, but for ouzo I'd try.
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[Ilias Nytrau]

I have to tell you... the amount of sleep I get every night depends entirely on when I decide to go to bed, as my three-year-old terrorist sleeps through the night and wakes up at 0530hrs. So, if I want eight hours of sleep, I must be in bed at asleep by 0900-0930hrs.

Fuck that noise, it never happens, because the thought of going to bed that early is beyond me unless I am incredibly ill. I bemoan the fact that I can't stay up until 2am every night (as had been my habit for a very long time) because I also cannot function very well on less than six hours of sleep. Forget it if it's less than five hours - I might as well have not slept at all, because I'll fare much better on no sleep than on little sleep, oddly enough. I've tested this more than once, without the aid of caffeine. Me on no sleep and no uppers is... frightening. It makes people mistake me for a morning person, which I most certainly am not. :rolleyes

All that being said, DT, you made me laugh with that link. Thanks, man. :lol

[Charlotte Tur'enne]

Well I already knew I never wanted children...

All this just solidifies my viewpoint *nod* Thank you for the reminder.

[Carré Inirial]

Ouzo <3

I'd attempt dressing a child everyday if it ment drinking half a bottle of awesome. I'd even change a diaper, god knows I couldn't stomach that, but for ouzo I'd try.:eee Yes! A fellow ouzo drinker :D

[Lilaena De'Ville]

The one about getting no sleep for 5 years? Its more like 5 weeks. After that its cake. :) Owen sleeps 12 hours a night and Sophie is going for 8-9 hours at night with no waking up and she's only 3 months old.

Its just a matter of having the right information and being a disciplined parent when you're setting up your baby's schedule. Scheduling for the win!

And if you don't know how to take care of a goat in a grocery store, then I guess its true - you shouldn't have kids. ;)

[Darth Callidus]

Test 9
1. Hollow out a melon
2. Make a small hole in the side
3. Suspend the melon from the ceiling and swing it side to side
4. Now get a bowl of soggy cornflakes and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon while pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the cornflakes are gone.
6. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on the floor.
7. You are now ready to feed a 12-month old child.

Hahaha.. :lol

Yup, what Charlotte said.

[Travis North]

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</object>Think this is as good a place as any to post this vid.

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[Captain Untouchable]

I tried to do grocery shopping with a three-year-old kid running around trying to smack me in the ankles with an umbrella. Does that count?

Maybe my niece is just insanely well-behaved, but she really doesn't fit with any of the horror stories. Sure, she wakes up early: but so do her parents, in order to get ready for work, so she's programmed for that. She's easy enough to feed and dress, provided you know the right blackmail tricks and gimicks: at the moment, we prey on her being extremely competative, and tell her that if she doesn't finish her dinner, she "won't be the winner" - works pretty well. When I've looked after her because she was ill, she can be a bit disgruntled... but aside from that, she's not so bad.

Then again, I'm her uncle and not her parent. She's probably on her best behaviour when I'm around. :lol