I'm With Stupid

[s'Ilancy]

There was a strange taste to the air, like some sort of cheap cologne mixed with strawberries, Rodian whiskey, and bantha jerky. Oh it certainly wasn't bad, and in fact it was enticing enough to make her stomach rumble, but Lok s'Ilancy was in no hurry to crawl out of the comfortable pile of sheets, pillows, and comforters that were piled atop and around her. Instead, she burrowed deeper into the pile of sheer comfy. It was GREAT. It was WARM. And best of all there was someone else to share it with!

How much alcohol had been consumed the night before? Certainly not too much; there wasn't such a thing as too much. A lot maybe, but never 'too much'.

Like a sandworm she wiggled through the layers of coverings until she found her prize - the tip of a long, pointy ear. It twitched a little, and she grinned like some idiot savant on the verge of... well, of something. She would've whispered his name, but no. That would only serve to rouse him before she could pounce, and that simply wouldn't do.

No. There would be none of that.

Instead, she licked her lips and began to gently nibble at the very tip of her partner's ear...

[Adjerban the Interloper]

About a foot and a half downward, was me. In theory, I should be a great listener. I'm not. I'm a jerk. But I'm cute-butt's kind of jerk.

My eyes rolled within my eyelids. I should be hung over. I wasn't. I wasn't going to open my eyes in case it would stop the sensation. This was a good dream.

My hand had other ideas. It usually did. Hands get you in trouble. I mentally crossed my fingers and hoped it would be the right sort. My hand hit something soft and warm that wasn't covers. It curved downward then a little upward and there was something even softer right... there. The nibbling paused. No! Damn you! I could feel hot breath on my ear. Then, warm and wet. A tongue. Ooooohhhh. All thought disappeared.

[s'Ilancy]

Pointy-Ears was awake! That meant all manner of fun to be had, and s'Il was certainly not going to deny herself another romp around the bedroom. And hallway. And living room. And probably the bathroom too if they were feeling particularly froggy.

Her tongue went down the length of his ear, making swirly patterns as she went, and it wasn't long before she'd rolled clean atop him with a maniacal grin. Could mean anything, really. Course, could also mean nothing.

Wandering hands. Wandering hands and curious tongues were the devil's playthings they said. If that was so, then she was the devil's favorite toy. Pointy-Ears was her favorite toy, that was for sure.

Stopping a hair's breadth away from his nose, she bit his lower lip before whispering.

"You wanna have some fun?"

Loaded questions were always the name of her game.

[Adjerban the Interloper]

I was practically felating the gun barrel. Yes, I want to have fun! Yes! Bring me thy merrymakers, I will dance and sing and drink. Yes, drink! Haha! There was a problem, though. s'Il's definition of fun can kill you.

We could always stay in bed. Bed was mostly safe. We were not going to stay in bed. I kissed her neck.

"Yeah." With reservations, table for one. She wanted to steal something. I'd need more alcohol for this.

[s'Ilancy]

She grinned another manic grin. Today was gonna be full of fun. Course there were other things to take care of, and s'Il was of the mind that the only way to greet a proper day of merriment was to start it off on the correct scream. Or moan, whichever was preferred. She wasn't picky, no sir.

A little overjoyed hop on his belly, and the Lupine rolled over, pulling Pointy-Ears with her...

... and right off the edge of the bed.

Now in a pile of limbs and blankets (it was the best kind of pile, it really was), the Lupine threaded a hand around to playfully tweak his ear.

"In honor of our future endeavor today," she wrapped her legs around his middle, "... I think we should celebrate."

[Adjerban the Interloper]

I was, as usual, right. We were now out of bed. Hooo boy. This was gonna be a doozy. An awesome doozy. Doozy. Doozy is a fun word. Doozy doozy doozy. Doooooooo oooohhhh right there.

How long had that taken? A few hours...ish. She was still grinning up at me when we got in the shower. My shoulders had battle-wounds. She liked to bite. I liked it when she bit my shoulders and not my ears. It was a good synergy. I could work in marketing.

"I'm hungry." I said. Then it dawned on me. I had no idea where we were. She had a towel on her head, and nothing on the rest of her. Sexy.

"Hey. Where are we?"

[s'Ilancy]

Turning to saunter from the fresher, she made it a point to strut. She rocked her hips, baby. Aaaahhh, there was such a freeing sensation in simply letting oneself drip dry. Each little drop of left-over water that wandered down her legs and...

A little twirl as she walked, some light-stepping and a few hop-steps. The towel on her head came unwrapped, and the Lupine let it fall to the carpeted floor before purposefully bending down to pick it up and toss it on the bed.

A coy look back over her shoulder to Adjerban, and she soon set about gathering her scattered clothes. Where were her panties? and she was missing a boot, too.

"We're in a hotel room I think. Ummmm... " She turned to face him then, arms full of what clothing of hers she could find. "... but I don't know what planet we're on."

[Adjerban the Interloper]

There was a strong possibility that we'd fallen asleep a tangle of limbs, woken up on another planet, gotten drunk, and never bothered to find out. I searched my pockets for clues, and found Lok's panties. I strung them between my ears, and wondered how long it would be before she noticed. No, there were no clues in my pockets. I searched the room after I shoved the bed-bits back onto the bed.

She was so intent on finding her clothes that she hadn't noticed where her panties were. I got to find the boot, which meant I got to use it. She tossed my shirt over her shoulder and hit me in the face.

"Where... mmrggh..." She was grumbly. She was pawing through the drawers in the suite.

Hehe.

I walked up behind her, and kicked her ass, with her own boot. "Hahahahahaha!" I laughed. You'd laugh to. I didn't hit her very hard, but she felt it. I jumped back, boot still in hand. Do not fund your enemy!

[s'Ilancy]

Oh!

Now that wasn't expected in the least, and s'Il whirled around to stare wide-eyed at Adjerban. It took a moment for her eyes to travel upwards from the boot in his hand to the panties artfully placed on his ears. Her panties. HERS.

And yet, they looked so perfect on him!

Purposefully she began to pull on her trousers. Mmm, commando.

"I dare you to wear those outside," she grinned carnally.

[Adjerban the Interloper]

The thought was appealing. I'd go around with gasps regarding my aduacity to put women's panties on my ears.

"I don't think they're my color." Instead, I pulled them off my ears, and shot them at Lok. I didn't want the panties. I wanted what was in them. Lok dropped her trousers and stepped back into her panties.

I'd found my clothes, and bothered to button most of the buttons on them. I even found my jacket, which seems to be sapient. Sometimes, I think it stalks me. Lok found her coat, under the bed. The coat was probably hiding from my jacket.

"So... what's on the Fun menu?"

[s'Ilancy]

"Well, I was thinking we should skip Hutt parties," she started with a chipper voice.

Oh yes, she remembered how she'd met Adjerban. Now, while there was nothing wrong with the mutual situation (hooray for sex buddies!) they now found themselves in, meeting as they had wasn't exactly high on her list of 'things to do again real real soon'.

From the look on his face, Pointy-Ears was of the same mind.

Digging in her coat pockets to see if anything of interest presented itself, she paused as her fingers closed around something hard. It was almost the size of her palm at least, and feeling the multitude of its' smooth facets, s'Il scrunched up her face in confusion.

What was in her pocket?

Slowly, she pulled it out.

A diamond. A diamond!

A diamond?!

Emperor's black bones, what had they done to get this?!

[Adjerban the Interloper]

I let out a low whistle. That was a doozy. Hehe.

"Now that... that is a diamond." I grabbed Lok's wrist with two fingers and lifted it to eye level. It sparkled.

"I think it's real." I said after cursory inspection. We theives know this sort of thing. I scrutinized it for a moment longer before letting her wrist go. I couldn't remember last night at all, aside from Lok's legs around my head.

"Lets a grab a transport and sell this thing." I suggested with a grin.

[s'Ilancy]

Still befuddled at her find, s'Il reached up to scratch idly the upper tip of the scar at the base of her neck.

"I bet we'd get a fortune for this thing," she finally murmured.

But the bigger question was who and where it'd come from. Last night was just about the biggest fuzzy memory she'd ever recalled having, and with a rock the size of her fist in their possession, it made her suddenly want to know what'd happened.

Adjerban's suggestion certainly didn't go ignored however, and the Lupine stuffed it into a pocket along the inner lining of her coat while grabbing his hand and pulling him along.

Smiling once more, s'Il skipped around on her toes before hopping up onto his back. Piggy-backs were another good way to start the day!

"Where you think we should go?"

[Adjerban the Interloper]

I shrugged. We had to figure out where we were first.

"We could go to Nabonese wine country and roll around in grapes." I pictured Lok in mottled greens and purples of squished grapes and nothing else. I grinned. Lok looked a little dissapointed.

"They have art galeries." I added. Her eyes lit up like lightning in the countryside. She was now considering it.

I opened the door to the suite. A wave of opressive humidity hit me, much like a brick from an angry mob. I have intimate knowledge of bricks and mobs. Trust me. In protest, my ears flattened backwards, but I persisted, and scanned the outdoors. Steamy jungle. Rodians speaking Rodian. Lots of greens and yellows. I wanted gills. I closed the door.

"We're on Rodia." There was a strong possibility it was my fault.

[s'Ilancy]

Wine and art, art and wine. What a wonderful combination. What a wonderful world.

"I see skies of blue, and clouds of white," she'd closed her eyes, already picturing what it would be like.

Of course, the moment he'd opened the door her imagined future melted away. Humidity. By the maker not humidity.

A mortified expression came to her face as she stared at his flattened ears, then to his eyes.

"Rodia?!"

How in the name of everything carnal had they ended up on Rodia? Rodia??? Rodia was hot and wet and steamy and full of jungles...

She clapped her hands, starting forward like some intrepid explorer. The sooner they were away the better, and as she pulled the door open, the Lupine made sure to give Adjerban's behind a firm squeeze. It was probably his idea to come here anyway, and she was just too drunk to protest.

"Wine country it is!"

And out the door they went, her hand still parked quite happily on his rear.

[Adjerban the Interloper]

I am not in charge of my ears. Sure, they dealt with the same nervous system, but they did their own thing. Sometimes we agreed. Sometimes we did not. They were currently trying to hide from the air, and so was I. After thirty seconds, we were slicked in a light sheen of sweat. This wasn't the good sweat of sex or running. This was the sweat that was evil and insulated you. If I sneezed, it might start raining, but the rain would be so warm, I'd just be wet. I was already wet. I hate humidity. I should've put deoderant on my balls.

We shared a brief glance of mutually assured misery, a simultaenous grumble of defeat.

We'd need to find a map. Maps had spaceports on them, and spaceports had places that were not humid. The stale air of a starship would be downright refreshing right now. We were on Rodia, and my Rodian was poor. If Lok's was good, she wasn't letting on. They did us suckers the courtesy of labeling everything in Basic, too, for those who made the mistake of coming to such a meterologically opressive world. Not far from our suite, we found a tourist trap with all manner of marketing crap, useless trinkets and, most importantly, a map. We were only a few kilometers from the port. Normally, we'd walk.

"We could walk." I suggested weakly. Horror flashed across her face. I had leapt onto the platform of madness. Worse, I had crashed through the tapestry of utter idiocy to get there. I wasn't just coated in sweat, I was coated in stupid.

[s'Ilancy]

Well now he'd just flat out lost his mind. What'd he do, brush his teeth with moron-paste? Which of course made her worry, since they'd shared the same toothbrush. What if she said 'sure let's walk!'? She couldn't take much more of the humidity, and her hair had already become damp. At least his hair wasn't in much better shape. It'd been bad enough just getting to whatever little market place they'd found themselves in now!

How'd they get on Rodia anyway? Surely they weren't that unlucky; after all, they had a diamond that'd make the Emperor jealous if he wasn't currently in tiny nano-bite size chunks over Endor.

Screwing her features into a look of downright displeasure, s'Il reached over to a vendor's toy stand, pulling out a little trinket doll, done up in bright colors and beads and tassels and... huh!

How 'bout that, it had pointy ears.

"If we walk, I'm going to go find some needles and start pushing them right... "

She jabbed a finger into the doll's crotch, "... here."

[Adjerban the Interloper]

"Yeah well..." I looked down at her, her silver eyes glaring at me. It overrode my contradictory nature and pushed me straight into the territory of self-preservation. "...I think we should find a cab." I dunno if there is some kind of lupine voodoo magic but I'd gotten laid more in the past month than I had in the past two years and as a male I wasn't gonna put that on the line. No sir.

The problem was I hadn't seen a cab. Maybe they didn't use them.

"There are no cabs." I whispered with dread.

"Then you had better carry me." She growled through gritted teeth. Man, I am whipped. She jumped onto my back. They always win! How do they do that?

I trudged, grateful that Lok's pretty little ass doesn't weigh very much.

"Faster. I want to be dry." She grumbled.

"You could always..." No, she couldn't. No, she wasn't going to, because her boot said it could do for sure what the voodoo doll might.

[Barnaby Wednesdaydale]

The Lucky Minock Imports & Exports was a franchise shop of sorts, with over two dozen locations in the core, mid-rim, and even at the outer rim. Or at least, that was the story told. In practice, it was Barnaby Wednesdaydale's front for moving certain contrabands and sundries of interest, away from the meddlesome fingers of the Empire, Corporate Sector Authority, or anyone else who wanted their palms greased. Compared with higher profile Black Sun movers, Barnaby preferred to keep his illegal affairs on a low key, and didn't like getting flies in his soup, so to speak.

So when he heard about the job pulled on his Rodia City branch, it was natural for him to pay the office a visit of a sort.

"'old 'm comms Denis 'n get ya man a cool cuppa."

"Actually Mr. Wednesdaydale, my name's Rez, sir."

The old gent adjusted his heavy spectacles, and blinked as if noticing the man for the first time.

"Denis, actually. An' don' cop a half fucka lip bout th' particulars."

He folded his kerchief and blotted at his forehead.

"Like standin' unda a ripe rancor's taint, this weatha is. Get me th' fuck indoors Denis."

Rez, not bothering to correct his boss a second time, escorted Mr. Wednesdaydale inside. The activity in the office stopped as everyone realized the seriousness of the predicament they were in.

Barnaby continued to blot at the perspiration on his head, and Rez fetched some cold mint tea.

"Ah'm understandin' then, that some property's been nicked off this establishment?"

[s'Ilancy]

With each step her mood seemed to lift somewhat. It wasn't enough to get the damp perspiration to dry, but it was something at least. Why did Rodia have to be so hot and humid? Why couldn't they've ended up somewhere nice like Naboo? Naboo was nice, that was for sure.

Pressing her chest against his back, she felt the diamond as it was mushed between his shoulder blade and her left breast. They were gonna get so much money for that thing.

s'Il gave her ride a little nudge with her heals and hitched herself up so that she very nearly hung over his shoulder. With one hand she lifted up one of his drooping ears, waggling it around like an antannae.

Rodians to the left, rodians to the right, even little Rodians underfoot. How could they stand this weather?

They weren't far from the spaceport now, and the Lupine watched the incoming and departing flights with envy as she continued to fiddle with his ear. Those lucky, lucky passengers with their cool stale recycled air and comfy seats and cold drinks and unsweaty clothes.

"Hurry uuuup," she pouted.

[Adjerban the Interloper]

"If you leave my ears alone." She knew how much it annoyed me, but did it anyway.

"Ohhhkaaaay." Lok sighed again. I picked up the pace to a trot. I didn't want to be here any longer than absolutely needed. She put her head next to mine and I could feel her breath against my skin. Normally that is cause for applause and celebration, but it only added to the thick air. I was huffing a little now, having covered half the distance to the starport with Lok on my back. We had to be in great shape, us theives. Running away was a principal part of our profession. Run away to live and fight another day is wrong. Run away to live and take someone else's stuff without them noticing (maybe).

The closer we were to the port, the thicker the crowds got, and the slower our going. I started to grumble insults under my breath, in six different of the galatic languages. Huttenese has thirty different words for mud. I hate mud, and was going through the list.

We finally made it to a kiosk. "Two tickets to Naboo." I said with a big, dumb grin on my face.

"All transports to Naboo are booked for the next two days." I felt Lok squeeze me. The droid stared as droids do.

"But it's not that far." She whined.

"We have a transport for Kalarba (http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Kalarba) in... two hours."

"We'll take it!" I said, too enthusiastically. I wanted off this sticky rock so badly.

"One hundred credits each." The droid replied. Lok dismounted, and I located my wallet. I fished out my credit chit and closed my eyes. Please work. Please work. Please work.

"Two tickets to Kalarba." Two pieces of paper with embedded datachits spit forth from the booth window. I grabbed both and shoved them deftly in my front pocket.

[Barnaby Wednesdaydale]

"So, who's th' cheeky fuck we're lookin' for?"

A Rodian attendant pressed a datapad forward into his hands. He looked it over as he sipped his tea. The security footage showed two humanoids, one with freakishly-conspicuous ears, stumbling inebriated along the storefront after closing hours. The blonde woman picked a rubbish bin up and threw it through the window. They stumbled inside, and milled about for a while. Ears relieved his bladder on one of the countertops apparently.

"Them's th' two rabbits wot nicked that test'cle of a diamond?"

He shook his head at the sheer stupidity of the situation.

"'scuse me sweetness foh askin'..."

He gently laid a hand on the Rodian woman's shoulder.

"...Ah jus' gotta ask..."

He gave her a reassuring squeese as he looked into her big black eyes. The woman's antennae twitched in confusion.

"...why ain't the secur'ty bars down yew suckah-handed cunt?!"

He threw the tea in the Rodian attendant's face, causing her to cry, then turned around and threw the cup at Rez's head, who fell to the ground.

"OW, WHAT THE FUCK?! WHY ME?"

Composing himself, Barnaby explained to the lackey as he slowly rose up to his knees, wiping away some blood from a cut the cup caused.

"Ah needed sum tit ta bop on th' 'ead, an Ah don't hit a lady, Denis. But if yew needin' a reason, th' tea tastes of piss."

[s'Ilancy]

Oh wondrous days! They were leaving for somewhere that was distinctly not humid and hot. Not Rodia. She'd never been to Kalarba before, but heard it was nice.

Her spirits significantly lifted, the Lupine grinned wide at Adjerban as they headed into the terminal. Already she could feel the cool air being blown down from vents in the ceiling, and she shivered in delight. Ah such bliss.

Wiping a sheen of left-over sweat from her brow, s'Il cast her eyes in every direction. She was hungry... for what it didn't matter. She just wanted food. A sideshop had a display out showing various fast food combo meals, and licking her lips, s'Il pulled Adjerban along with her.

It was an Imperial Castle! She'd not had Imperial Castle in what had to've been ages.

Hell, they had two hours to kill, and it wouldn't take that long to eat...

Snaking an arm around his waste, her eyes glinted at the pictures of food shown. Ravenous appetites were the hallmark of healthy - and rich! - folk like themselves.

A crooked smile was sent up to him as they approached the order window, and s'Il dropped a credit chit on the counter.

"I want twenty-five Imperial Castle burgers, seven fries, and four large - I mean five large strawberry fizzyglugs."

A look to Adjerban.

"What do you want?"

[Adjerban the Interloper]

"Uhhh.... Ten burgers and fries. And you're paying." Damn Lok ate a lot. She looked at me, a little surprised. Yes, I have no idea how much money I have in my account. We tended to go through credits like water goes through sieves. It was ok, we were lucky. Usually.

[Barnaby Wednesdaydale]

Barnaby made a few calls, and once Rez tended to his head, was served a more proper cup of tea. By that time, a few local boys from the school of hard knocks had been assembled at the shop front.

"Now chums, lis'n up. Them two tits ain't inconfuckinspicuous round yew lotta sucka-hands. Stick out like..."

He held his hand up and waggled his thumb for effect.

"Any wigged cunt gets a rock like that, an' they bound ta bump moh gums than th' next. Swivel yah fuck'n ears thataway, an do someth'n fuckin' tremendously awful."

The hired goons nodded, gruffly affirming his dread request in Rodian as they lumbered off.

Barnaby watched them, a little non-plussed.

"Tell me them nail-heads ain't th' academia of this operation, Denis. Find me ah real fuckin' shootah, somewhere off this festered sphincta if yew will."

[s'Ilancy]

A smirk at Adjerban, and s'Il happily paid the clerk. In the process, she swiveled her head to look at the available booths. Most were empty, and by the time she'd been handed her receipt the Lupine had already chosen the farthest one in the back.

It was at least semi-private, and she was feeling frisky this morning. Course, the rock in her pocket added to the feeling of incredible luck.

Pointing at her desired booth, she looped her had through the crook of her partner's arm and led him towards it.

"How much you think we could get for it," she whispered.