Writing Critique

[Miranda Tarkin]

I know we have done critique the character threads, but I am curious as to some feedback about my writing. I often think my writing is plain and too stiff, or formal. I was wondering what did the community think?

So what is good?
What can I improve on?
Anything you want to see me try and do?

:)

[Hera]

I mainly follow Miranda, Grace & Navaria of your characters and I never find them too plain or stiff. They could be called "formal" at times, but that (with the exception of Gracey) fits with their characters.

You alway manage to put in a fine detail which really humanizes them, say the casually flipping of the coin down through the fingers as a character is talking (that was from an old Dale post, actually) - or something of that nature. It just brings the reader right into the room with the person. Makes you zero in on the character and not just on what is happening overall. I like the way you do that.

I am really looking forward to what evolves with Miranda and the impact this new roll has on her.

I think you write Arabella too? She is different again to the others. And that is not easy to do as these characters Ive named are all of a similar age and style ie: in positions of power or are strong women.

What would be fun to see from you is a character who is not strong at all, not too smart and has crappy luck. A poor looser type, or even just plain inept.

Maybe you have one and I am forgetting or I dont know it.

But, anyway, that is my input for you.

If you list your all your characters, that might help too :)

[Tear]

Hera hit it on the head. It those little things that draw in the reader you are so good at.

For example:


Moff Tarkin's Personal Office - Imperial Center

"... And Chancellor Anar will be present as well. Oh!" Amanda Sinclair, Moff Tarkin's personal aide continued to tap at the datapad with a stencil. She was sitting on the edge of Miranda's desk in a Felucian suit that was hand woven from the large silk worms that infested the planet's forest. The Moff had bought it for her as a thank you gift. Amanda was one of the few people she could trust implicitly on her staff. That and it did show off her legs very nicely ...

Amanda unfolded her legs to cross them once more and continued, "Seems that Inquisitor Valten sends good remarks on Sorsha."

Her blue eyes brightened as she looked at Miranda, "Mentions she'll make a fine Hand."

Miranda leaned back and laced her fingers together in an approving smirk. "Good. How goes preparations with Imptel?"

"A big lagging, but Moff Tearaden is certain that we'll learn which of the Grand Admirals will stand by your side by the end of the ... Waitaparsec..." Amanda scrolled down the datapad and scrunched up her thin lips into a pout of confusion. "Seems we have an incoming communication from Moff Yeart Quenn of Kuat. I'll spare you the suck up details..."

Miranda chuckled. Quenn was an interesting sort and one she couldn't quite peg. She felt that he wasn't too happy about her promotion given his reputation with his Telbun, but he always made things proper between them in the very few correspondences they've had at the Imperial Assembly Hall.

"He says he wants to speak to you personally and," she clucked her tongue and sighed, "at an undisclosed location. Awaiting response."

Tongue in cheek, Tarkin wondered if her plans had reached Quenn's ears. She had purposefully left him out of the loop due to his mixed reaction towards her promotion. He was hard to read ...

"Any idea why?" she asked.

"No," Amanda said, shaking her head. "Short and to the point. The only other information I have is that he did try to contact your office on Doldur first. So he has been tracking you down."

"I see. So there is some urgency to this request, but it is for personal gain or not?" Miranda sat up and tugged at her uniform jacket. "Find a time when I'm free. He has to work around my schedule since he is playing some game."

Amanda grinned and slid off her boss' desk with a sly grin. "As you wish Madame Governor."

Is by FAR one of my favorite posts I have read from you. In particular your descriptions of Amanda Sinclair, while seemingly just a relatively unimportant npc. You bring a sense of realism to her that drew me in. Your description of what she was wearing to how she clucked her tongue in passing as she searched while reading.

The dialogue between the two was very natural as well which made it very easy to read. Again drawing me into the story.

As far as critiques I do not really have any. Although I'm looking forward to how Miranda will handle the stress of ruling an Empire. Should be a fun read;)

[Miranda Tarkin]

<_< The sad part is Tear, is that I noticed a typo in my post! :lol I fixed it >_>

I do thank you for the critique from you both, as well as a few others that PMed or AIM me. Least I can focus on the things that you guys like :) I will say, I feel somewhat daunted about running the Empire with Miranda, but it will be a wonderful challenge!

Hera - I don't play Bella. Raz gets the credit for that!

good lord a list of characters?

SW - Miranda Tarkin, Lianna/Navaria, Grace Van-Derveld, Vishan Korogoth, Adraudia Basillie, Aria Sihin

WoD - Nara McKenna, Nikoleta, Michele Hawkins

MU - Ethan (Ion) Daniels

those are basically active right now

[Harlequin]

Hera - I don't play Bella. Raz gets the credit for that!





Adraudia Basillie was the character I was thinking of - I just hybrided the name wrong :\ Sorry.

[Miranda Tarkin]

Ah gotcha :)

And I am thinking about your suggestion for a character type too!