Cause for celebration.....

[Tri'ahna Zylary]

As of 10:03 this morning (GMT+1) I am now officially divorced.

Ha!

And to make it even more celebration-worthy - I also got sole custody of my daughter!

*dances a jig*

:lol:D:lol:D:lol:D:lol:D:lol:D

[Miranda Tarkin]

yay! I am so glad that it worked out for you!!! :D

[Solani Naleen]

Congratulations on gettins sole custody of your daughter. Glad things have worked out for you.

[Jeseth Cloak]

That seems like it went really smoothly. He didn't put up a fight?

[Ilias Nytrau]

YAAAAAAAAAAY!! :glomp

[Molly Black]

:hug 's!!

Yay! Congrats, sweetie! :D:D:D:D

[Tri'ahna Zylary]

He didn't really have a case. As it is, he signed his part of the custody away when he was over here last Christmas, without even reading the paper.

As for the divorce, I am sure he's happy about that since it will just give him something else to brag about when he's trying to chat up women online.... :rolleyes

[Cat X]

Just remeber kiddies, divorce isnt the end of the world. It is instead potentially a doorway to a much wilder, scarier but in the end more incredible world.

[Jeseth Cloak]

I am divorced, too. And re-married. Amazing! :)

Well, I'm glad it went so well for you. Do girls like divorced men? I don't see why he'd brag about that. I get the impression most women don't like when a man has been divorced.

[Kvettch]

Who are you calling "kiddies" here? Last I heard, you're not much older than me.... :p

And Jes - I dunno. I think he's got the impression it makes him more mature. :rolleyes

[Razielle Alastor]

Oh here we go, where's my knitting circle of women?

:p

[Tri'ahna Zylary]

Knitting circle.... ahem....

[Khendon Sevon]

I plan on never getting married, much to my parents' chagrin.

Mother: "What do you mean you're never getting married?! How do you know?"
Khendon, with a shrug: "No one in their right mind would put up with me."
Dad: "What are you, gay?"
Khendon, with a laugh: "That'd give me an excuse; but, no. Sorry to disappoint."

I'm too saccharin for some, bitter for others. Ah. Life.

I think I'm getting into a diatribe...

So, right! Congrats on the divorce! May it be everything you hope it is.

[Ilias Nytrau]

That makes me think of my mother. She has a thing for saying that any man that would put up with her daughters is brave.

Lessee here...My youngest sister is married, and the next one up? Well, I'd say she's not far off.

As for me? Well, I'm the eldest, and haha... as it stands with MY luck, I'm more likely to be eaten by an elephant first. Not complaining.:lol

[Turbogeek]

Who are you calling "kiddies" here? Last I heard, you're not much older than me.... :p

And Jes - I dunno. I think he's got the impression it makes him more mature. :rolleyes

Strangely enough, I think he's exactly right but for the wrong reasons. Divorce is not somethign I would wish on an enemy even and it most often does force a lot of changes.

A friend of mine divorced got the shock of his life when his wife without warning walked out. Actually he could have seen the signs coming and the fact that he wasnt invited to her birthday party should have been the tip off. No, he lived in his own world, blissfully unaware she was already rooting someone else. And thence almost on his bithday, she walked out leavign a long letter of complaint and justification for her actions. And frankly some were justified, but some certainly wasnt. And he suddenly worked out why he had been always broke.

Anyway, while he tried to stay the normal chirpy happy go lucky guy he usually had been, you could see the changes as his life feel apart. even got drunk and he hated alcohol. He latched onto a few things to try to stay sane but he because a lot darker, a lot more closed and guarded. Tried to have a few relationships but they fell apart as he had a lot of anger and frustration at how things had fallen apart, especially when he had to sell his house, that really was a cruel blow. He took a trip to circuit break and became.... I dunno something else. He found ways to use his anger and bitterness, to take it out and harness it. He also got compeletely intolerant of people who wont help themselves and got a nasty streak.

But on the other hand he remembered those things she had said in her goodbye and and chose deliberatly the hardest road he could choose, began to put in and work not just on himself but with work. He becaome the success she had wanted, got of his backside and got fit. Dressed better, looked after himself a lot better, even did housework.

But he told me the most bitter night of it all was July last year after he had finally achieved a few big goals. He sat on the edge of this cliff and cried himself to a stupor because all that he had done and was becoming was exactly what she wanted and she couldnt have waited to see it happen. And he's kicked on even harder since then. He's even left behind his old name and taken up a new one. But he still feels that anger and sadness of what happened and he knows deep down the lousy bitch destroyed a good man and left behind a poisionous bastard, who just feels the hate, shame and rage, but on the other hand if he decides he is going to do something... it done and it's done incredibly well. Work, fitness... doesnt matter. He's the one who stays back and pushes another 20 minutes on a treadmill when everyone has long given up . Oh he's actually a much funnier guy but he's much more cutting and insulting about it.

He grew up all right. He's probably one of the most eligible guys you could think of and yet he knows deep down a good man is gone and he's just not fit to be with women. There's still a lot that he hasnt forgiven and while he can put on a good charade and he thinks even some days he's doing okay again... he's not. Maybe that will change and someone who can break through what he's become will appear. He doubts it tho. He's probably too far gone and too focused on himself - he also found out sometimes when your hurting and suffering, you have to be selfish and do things for yourself and to not wallow in regret. You have to sometimes put the bike on your shoulders and run up the mountain, no matter how much it hurts. You have to go the hard way and not take the easy road, because the easy road actually is the one that will hurt you the most.

Altho I'll give him one thing. He wont look back when he's got his head on right and he turned divorce into a lot of positives. So there might be hope yet.

So yes, divorce is a grow the hell up moment. for some men, they dont learn too much. Other's learn too much. Either way divorce sucks.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Divorce doesn't make someone grow up. People can use it as a quick fix "reset" button when things get too hard, etc, and they learn nothing about life except that they don't have to take responsibility for stuff.

That's in response to Mark. Which is a thread hijack, really.

Congrats on getting rid of the dead weight, Tri'ahna!! ;)

[Turbogeek]

Divorce doesn't make someone grow up.


You are wrong. Pray you never find out how wrong and how it can change you. You can talk all you want, listen to others who have been through it but until you go through the experience yourself, you dont know.



People can use it as a quick fix "reset" button when things get too hard, etc, and they learn nothing about life except that they don't have to take responsibility for stuff.

Not take responsibility for stuff....? What??

I'll tell you about responsibilty. It's looking at yourself in the mirror and seeing what a wreck you have become and realising that no one in this world owes you a living. It's realising that you are alone. It's knowing that you are the only person who is going to look after yourself and that you can not take anything or anyone for granted. It's about getting back on your feet and fighting back. It's about deciding to accept when your wrong and havign the balls to change yourself, having the Lord show you the choices you have and then looking the Lord straight back and saying "I will take the right path, no matter how hard or how long". It's about being honest with yourself and never deluding as to your own failings. It's about no matter how much your legs are burning and all you want to do is collapse and give up, is to look the mountain straight and say it is not going to beat you, select a taller gear and push harder.

I wasted 10 of what should have been the best years of my life and I have a hell of a lot to make up for. The Lord knows what is and wasnt my fault but there is no way I am going to deny responsibilty for my actions. You might think of responsibilty as something else - fine. I dont. and I'll live my life accordign to it.

I know the other side of divorce now. It's scary, it's hard, it forces you to re-evaluate your life, it may even as it did to me, turn you into a charmless and cold bastard. But in a lot of ways I now know I had to do it to understand exactly what comes out of the furnace when I'm thrown into it. It's been an experience and it's pretty much taken away any blinkered and sheltered view of life I had.

There is on the other hand called freedom. I can do so much more because I'm no longer tied down. But in that freedom there is responsibilty to use it well. It does have it's good points as well as it's bad, I doubt I would ever have gotten to do server work in a submarine or learn the beauty of the mountains at dusk jsut as you finally put that last pedal thrust in and crest the hill to see the Grose Valley in all it's glory psread out before you, with the birds screeching and calling as the sun sets.

Divorce does indeed suck. But there's a whole valley to explore in front of you if you know where to look once you have grown up enough to realise that is not the end - you can make it a true new beginning, one with a great deal of thigns to fear yes, but also The Great Unknown. One where you make of it what you will and you realise that only you can do that. And your only on the path of a longer journey if you want to take it. That's what growing up really is. it's not about houses and having rug rats, altho your path COULD have that - it's seeing the world for what it is, for all is ugliness, dirt and grime. But on the same time it's incredible beauty and wonder and absolute make of it what you will - and truly you dont fully grow up until you really understand how terribly important that really is.

And that's the real message - no matter how dark or rough life is, there is always hope and something unexpected around the corner. You need real maturity to know how to grasp it with both hands and then run like blazes. Divorce can and for a number of peopel like me it certainly has wised them up and forced them to grow up and see for themselves exactly what they could be and what this world really has on offer.

For me, it's also understand there really is a God and He answers when the days are at their darkest.

[Droo]

Divorce isn't something people merely choose to do when bored of their current relationship. It's not a testament to lack of commitment or laziness; it is a sad time when people are forced to accept that some things can't be repaired. For an adult, outside of having, or God forbid, losing children, is there an experience more personally altering? I have no doubt that when a person is expected to pick up the pieces of a once happy life and try to put them back together to forge for themselves a future without the love of their lives alongside them that they inevitably grow up and see things in a new light.

I wish you all the best for the future, Mara. You're a strong individual and I'm sure you have much happier days ahead of you. :)

[Tri'ahna Zylary]

Unfortunately to some people, it means just that: something they chose to do when bored with their current relationship. Some people truly do not learn anything from it, they certainly are not more mature afterwards. I'm aware that doesn't go for the majority of people, but unfortunately there are some that truly are like that. And since my ex clearly falls into that category, him thinking it will make him look more mature is nothing more than him thinking this will get him an edge with the ladies. He used to use it even when we weren't divorced yet, on various girls he'd meet online. The only difference now is that he won't need to be bothered feeling guilty about it anymore. If ever he did feel guilty, that is.

[Pierce Tondry]

Where divorce is easy, it's exactly what should happen.

Congratulations on finding new freedom.