[Renegade Angel] - Merr-Sonn, Merr-Sonn, My That's a Big One

[Smitty]

Smitty sat at his desk and finished uploading the new account information for the <i>Angel</i>. He liked keeping track of all his girls. He pulled up the databank info on YT-2000 and was cross checking it against updates from the CEC when his comm interrupted him.

"Uhhh Smitty?" Sal's voice sounded like watered down tin through the ancient wiring.

"Wah!" he barked back.

"We've got a bit of a problem."

"Sal, how many times have I told you that you don't have to tell me every little nic you come across on the job?"

"aaaaahaaaahaaaah..."

Smitty could hear the Sluissian's tale start to wiggle through the comm, "Alright spit it out."

"aaaahaaaah... I think you need to see this for yourself." Sal killed the link before Smitty could respond.

"Eggs in a rat trap," Smitty dusted off his favorite cap and shoved it on his head. "That boy's worse than a girlfriend."

[Sal'i R'shnor]

Sal slid his way through the inner workings of the freighter. Mentally cataloging every wire, nic and misaligned piece of equipment that would require his attention.

He stopped, raised his head and flicked his forked tongue out. Something was leaking. He continued to sample the air with his tongue, searching out the liquid that should not be where it was. He came to a cross hatch. Yellow-green scaled eyelids folded down over his black eyes. He turned his head about and flicked his tongue in each direction.

His eyes opened and he shot off towards the scent until he reached a panel that blocked his way. Raising himself to his full height he climbed up the panel until he could reach a series of fuel pipes.

Leathery hands grabbed hold and pulled his body upwards. He flattened his torso and slid between the pipes until only his tail was visible. It wriggled in excitement as it disappeared into the maze of pipes.

Coiling about, sliding this way and that through the guts of the <i>Renegade Angel</i> he finally slowed and spotted the leak. A small flexible silvery tube covered with a greenish oil slick.

"Tssk, tssk, tssssk..." Sal grabbed a cleaning cloth from his belt and wiped at it. He couldn't see where the imperfection was located. Reaching into a small compartment on the belt he pulled out a pair of magnification goggles.

Fixing them correctly to his head he leaned in closer to the tube, "Now, letssee - "

"SAL!"

*BONK*

At the sound of Smitty's voice, Sal jerked his head and hit it on the bulkhead above him.

[Smitty]

Smitty walked down the ships ramp and looked about. <i>"Where the..."</i>

"SAL!!!" He called again.

He heard rustling coming from what sounded like beneath the ship. Cocking his head to one side he followed his ear. Reaching a portion of the belly where Sal had removed some paneling, Smitty placed his ear against the hull.

Movement could be heard from inside. Stepping back he pounded on the hull, "Come on! I haven't got all day!"

<small>"Be out in a minute."</small> Sal's voice carried through the layers of metal.

Smitty slapped a hand over his face and waited. Fidgeted, then pulled out a cigar and started to light up.

"DON'T DO THAT!"

Smitty jumped and turned around to stand face to face with an upside down goggled Sal hanging out of the underside of the <i>Angel</i>. "Cripes!"

Sal's magnified black eyes stared in horror at Smitty.

Smitty raised one eyebrow, "What? Now even smokin's bad for the baby?"

[Sal'i R'shnor]

"It is for this one." Sal leaned his head forward. From this angle he could see the underside of Smitty's jaw. There seemed to be some sort of red coloration under there he couldn't quite make out.

He flicked his tongue out to see if the red substance gave off a chemical signature.

Smitty jumped back further from Sal's tongue and did a hibbity jibbity dance.

[Smitty]

"I thought I told you to stop doing that to me."

Smitty shivered and put away his cigar.

[Sal'i R'shnor]

"But you seem to be leaking red."

[Smitty]

"Huh?" Smitty started inspecting himself, "Where?"

[Sal'i R'shnor]

"Under there," Sal flicked his tongue again and it lit lightly under Smitty's chin.

[Smitty]

"GAH!" Smitty's body convulsed involuntarily.

He bolted out from under the <i>Angel</i> and away from Sal.

After a few moments of the herky jerky he wiped his hand under his chin to see what Sal was talking about. Inspecting his finger tips he found traces of red tacky sticky stuff. He frowned for a moment then his eyebrows raised and a slight chuckle escaped his lips. <i>mmmmm... Delilah</i>

"Ah, it's nothing. I had my lunch <i>delivered</i> to me in my office earlier." he grabbed a cleaning rag and wiped the remaining traces of lipstick off his neck with a self satisfied smirk.

"Guess I didn't wash up as good as I thought afterwards." he wiggled his eyebrows at Sal and tossed the rag aside.

"Now what's this baby's diaper rash?" he motioned to the ship.

[Sal'i R'shnor]

Sal slid out of the <i>Renegade Angel</i> and slid around towards the ramp.

"She's taken quite a beating, lots of thingss missing and broken, lots of leakss."

[Smitty]

"Yeah yeah yeah," Smitty followed Sal up the ramp, "we know that already. I told you skip the line by line and get to the point."

[Sal'i R'shnor]

Sal led Smitty towards the back of the ship, "Funny you should say point." Sal stopped and looked at Smitty's gut and pulled the mag goggles up onto his forehead. "You've gotten fatter."

[Smitty]

Smitty sucked in his gut and jerked his pants up a bit, "No need to get personal pal."

Ok, so maybe business had been a little too good lately.

[Sal'i R'shnor]

"Not personal, just..." Sal pointed to where he had removed an access panel from the ceiling, "we have to go there to see the diaper rassh." Sal wasn't sure what diaper rash was but it sounded bad and bad was what he found.

[Smitty]

Smitty looked up and sighed, "Can't you just <i>tell</i> me what's wrong?"

[Sal'i R'shnor]

Sal shook his head, he spouted off all the reasons why but in his native Sluissese dialect. Basic just didn't have the right combination of words and if he did use the words he knew were applicable, there was a very good chance Smitty would over react and then things would get worse. Much worse... but then they wouldn't have much to worry about afterwards if it did get worse.

No no... better for Smitty to see first, then they could remove themselves from the ship and develope a plan.

[Smitty]

Smitty shook his head as if he understood exactly what Sal was saying. "Fine, fine, fine... just lift me up there then."

He started grabbing on to things to hoist himself upwards.

[Sal'i R'shnor]

Sal reached out and grabbed onto Smitty's legs and began to push him upwards.

"Be gentle, we don't want to make the baby mad."

[Smitty]

"That's it," Smitty's forehead started breaking out in a sweat as he pulled himself higher into the guts of the ship. "I'm coming up with a new metaphor, you're taking this <i>baby</i> thing far too..."

Smitty's head popped up in between a pair of pipes and looked about. "serioussss..." his eyes widened.

He looked down at Sal and whispered, "Is that? Is that... what I think it is?"

[Sal'i R'shnor]

"You sssee the blinking red light?" Sal struggled to hold the fat man up.

[Smitty]

Smitty's stared wide eyed into the innards of the ship. He swallowed. Still whispering "I see it."

There poking through a section of the ship sat the tip of what looked like a torpedo. And not just any torpedo, it appeared to be an Arakyd 3T3, a proton torpedo capable of blowing off the entire back side of the ship.

Panic started to rise. He scrambled down and away from the cheerful blinking death bomb that for some reason hadn't detonated when it hit the ship, or when it landed, or why it didn't detonate at all was beyond him. He wasn't a weapons expert. His expertise were a little more on the soft and frilly side of things. The fun side of things. The kind of things if he stayed much longer on the ship he might not get to do anymore side of things.

His feet hit the floor and he started a quick two step towards the ramp. He tried not to think about the chain reaction that would happen if it went off, the docks were surrounded with fuels, weapons, combustables... his stomache churned.