Ghost of a Good Thing

[Wyl Staedtler]

It was not a difficult task, to be alone on Vortex. While there were more Jedi now than there had been in the beginning, they were still a small cluster and the Enclave's chambers were extensive. There were many little alcoves where one could hole away in. The world outside especially, with it's sweeping expanse of plains, afforded easy access to solitude. It was no surprise that the Vor were so reclusive, rarely making their presence known much less asserting their claim on the planet.

So it took a lot of work on Wyl Staedtler's part to be alone as little as possible. Whenever he was not being instructed by Daria, he tried to attach himself to one of the others; if they didn't need "help" with something, he'd find some reason to stay and talk or, in extreme cases, merely observe whatever it was they were doing. If he wasn't engaged in conversation or activity with one of his fellow Jedi, Wyl could be found scampering around outside, involved in one vivid imaginary scenario or the other. By all outward appearances, the boy was an extroverted, enthusiastic child.

It all served a purpose of course. Being alone was dangerous, because being alone meant that the only company one had were thoughts. Thoughts had a distinct way of leading to the places you least wanted to go, and Wyl's thoughts all led to the same end: his mother.

Oa had become forbidden territory in the boy's books, and nothing could draw him out on the matter. Daria had tried to discuss her death with him, but Wyl stalwartly refused to carry on with the conversation, opting instead to change the subject or simply pretend he hadn't heard his Master when that didn't work. Talking about the past was even worse than reflecting on it.

Unfortunately, her memory was sort of like an ambush; it happened suddenly, and there wasn't anything he could do about it when it caught him off guard. Today had been heading in a good direction--he'd worked with Daria on Force exercises, then meditated with Rhianna and Serena before scurrying off to see what the Rebel technicians were up too (he dreaded the day when they were completely gone and had no little tasks to supply him with).

It was late afternoon before he suddenly felt sharply homesick, racing back towards the Enclave after a fruitful exploration of one of the East caverns. The winds tended to die down for an hour or two before evening, and without their background noise, the city-raised boy was painfully aware of how quiet everything was. A longing for his old room tugged inexplicably at Wyl's chest, strong and persistent. It was always stupid things like that--a bedroom, or a smell, or a laugh--that he missed most. Little things that oughtn't to have meant so much, but did.

The boy sighed and slowed his pace, trying to ignore the heavy feeling. He could almost hear his mother's voice, the peculiar way it echoed down the hall when she called him for supper. They'd spent hours painting the small space together (well, alright, she'd done the painting while he flew model podracers, but he'd offered his opinion readily); a complete mural of the skylanes at sunset. Oa had chosen bright, bold colours that instantly lifted the spirits whenever light entered the room. She'd liked warm things.

As he entered the constructed tunnels of their new home, Wyl tried to smile. It didn't do much good; as soon as he found Daria, intending to regale her of his afternoon discoveries in the hopes of shaking his mood, the Jedi Knight obviously sensed his guarded facade. "Are you alright, Wyl?"

"Yeah." The boy shrugged casually. "I was just thinkin'."

"Thinking about what?"

"Oh, just stuff." And just like that he breezed past the subject. "Nothin' important."

Nothing important; if he kept repeating it, maybe, just maybe, it would become the truth.

[Ilias Nytrau]

He'd taken this trip alone.

Usually, Ilias would have cared where he was headed, knowing helped because the destination was always purposed. Every year around this time, he took a real break - not one of those so-called "working vacations" that he more frequently took. Those were something his staff, who worked just as fervently as he, forced him to take. This was different, though. Every year on this day, he could not bear to be anywhere near Coruscant. Especially not in the evening, as the sun was laying down to give way to the night. The specific day, the colours bleeding into one another and stretching across the sky, always served as a reminder of that broken feeling, the gaping wound caused by his nonphysical heart shattering to unreconcilable dust. The sky of Coruscant had somehow managed to always be the same one, everytime this evening came to pass. The one individual he had truly ever came to break any code of chastity for had been ripped from life, from feeling. There were no more chances at happening across that dear face again.

The doctor - not a doctor at this time - sat on a large chuck of driftwood, his elbows digging into his thighs as he stared blankly out at the empty waters. The planet on which he settled his form today, the name did not matter. He came here, anywhere, to be alone from the bustle and the reminders. Each day that had passed since his insistence that Oa would be safer where she would not be seen near him, and even more so since her life was taken, Ilias wanted nothing more than to just be...away. So here he was, every year, away from the surroundings that swallowed up his pain those few years before.

He could say he loved her, and it would be no less than truth. He would not have known otherwise if it was anything less than that - there was nothing in his life that he could compare it to. He thought it unlikely that there would ever be anything again that came close. There was the boy...but he had not an inkling of knowledge if one so young had at all survived if he was anywhere near his mother when she was taken down. Oa had to a point become his reason for living. Even though most every other day, the memories were good ones and brought a wistful smile to warm his features, this one day was the opposite. A Jedi is not swayed by his feelings, it was said.

These feelings were always too difficult to ignore.

My dearest, my life. What shall I do? Oa...I am so very lost.

[Oa Umi'u]

"Let's not be so melodramatic, for a start." Oa's voice echoed the eye-roll that didn't show on her face as she knelt down, steadying herself with a hand on the table's edge. The young woman looked expectantly at the little boy seated beside her. "Come on, it won't kill you."

Nhdrr lifted his chin, a stubborn scowl darkening his already-strong Zabrak features. Around him, the other Initiates of Tauntaun Clan were enthusiastically attacking their noon meal. Absolute disgust written across his face, Nhdrr surveyed the pile of creamed Kibla greens steaming on the plate next to his bantha nuggets. He made an gagging noise and shook his head. "Ick."

Well, the lad had a point. Oa herself found Kibla greens to be ick at the best of times, but they were ridiculously healthy. She sighed, and picked up a spoon, holding it out in front of Nhdrr. "Three bites."

"Two." Nhdrr countered. Oa shook her head.

"Only if they're big bites. Krayt Dragon-sized ones. And you have to have some salad."

"No fair!" Arms crossed over his chest, Nhdrr shook his head. "That's two greens!"

"Alright, three medium bites of Kibla, and two of rice. Then you can go." There was a pause while the child considered. Oa waggled the spoon temptingly. "Final offer, Nhdrr."

Reluctantly the boy nodded and seized the spoon. Oa smiled and skritched the back of his neck affectionately, standing to continue her circle aruond the table. Lunchtime with the littlest Jedi's in the Temple was always a delicate negotiation but years of experience had made Oa Umi'u a formidable diplomat.

As she paced, rescuing fallen utensils and squashing food fights before they could start, Oa couldn't help but smile. Although chaotic at times, the younglings were so full of life that it was impossible not to feel at peace around them. One day they would become full-fledged Jedi and carry the weight of duty on their shoulders, but for now they were merely expected to be children.

Out of the corner of her eye Oa could see Master Heri motion for her attention, and she met the woman's gaze warmly, eyebrows quirking in expectancy. At a discreet motion from the teacher, who was deftly wiping a food-encrusted face, Oa twisted to look at the third table in the lunchroom. One of the initiates, a small, violet-skinned humanoid girl, was sitting lowly in her chair. The child had pushed her food away so that she could lay her head against the tabletop, and was staring morosely at the wall.

A frown pinched the corners of Oa's mouth, and she quickly made her way over. "All right, Ellis? You haven't touched your lunch."

The little girl's shoulders shrugged. With a gentle touch, Oa brushed at Ellis' dark hair, tucking it behind her ear. Even without checking, Oa could tell the child had a fever; her cheeks were flushed and heat was radiating off her skin like an element. A pink rash was just visible, creeping over the collar of the small tunic.

Shaking her head at Master Heri, Oa placed her hands under the girls arms and lifted, groaning loudly. "Oof, you're heavy little one." Ellis sighed and lay her head on the woman's shoulder. Rubbing small circles on the child's back, Oa wound her way to the door and out into the main corridor.

"Where're we going?" Ellis whispered softly as they turned the corner.

"We're going to go visit the Healers. They'll make you feel better." Ellis quivered a little.

"Shot?"

"Maybe." Oa cast a reassuring smile down at the worried face, dismayed to see that the rash had already spread across her neck. "But don't worry, I'll stay with you." Ellis nodded and lay her head back down weakly. Her whole body was hot to the touch, and completely limp.

Oa pressed a kiss onto the nest of curls, and quickened her pace.

[Ilias]

"Remember, Vijas. It does not take a great expenditure of your reserves if you can isolate the root of the problem. Cultivating your ability for assessment will be of great assistance in this matter. I know well that you find it frustrating, young lady, but you will be a better Jedi for it, someday."

Still, the nine-year-old rolled her eyes at the healer. The aforementioned skill was incessantly frustrating to the growing padawan. Vijas was a bit moody and preferred ignorance over the heeding of her master's guidance this week. It was something that would have to be looked further into, perhaps during some impromptu meditations. Yes, that would do. He would bring it to her master's attention later. Ilias had caught the girl sulking in the corridor somewhere between the sparring grounds and the healer's areas, having been set out for her misbehaviour from Master Talfe's mentalics class. Seeing as he had time, he had stopped to talk to Vijas, and find out what all the hubbub was about. It had appeared she had hit a wall of sorts when it came to her mental skills. Ilias still wasn't sure that the girl had any sort of faith that it would pass. Nonetheless, the reassurances helped in the long run. He watched Vijas walk off, as it was time for the noon meal. As for Ilias, he had his afternoon shift in the healer's chambers.

Heading on his way down the bright corridors, he smelled nicely of a post-physical work washing. There was a towel draped around his neck, and his tunic hung over his right forearm as he whipped a right into the main area where the refined work was done.

"Good afternoon, Master Yuma." He bowed his head briefly, then went on to throw his tunic on a hook. He carried a fresh scent, and while this was preferable, he knew one sweet lady who wouldn't mind if he had come right out of a spar. For some reason, she had said, he didn't stink quite as much as the other men.

"Afternoon to you, Ilias. Have a good one." The tanned, white haired man from Tatooine gave a short nod, then exited, leaving Ilias to his duties. That was when Oa came speeding in, a little one in arms.

"Why, I just thought of you, and here you are. Now, I could have sworn my skills at summoning were not that good." He grinned, winked, then turned his attentions to the violet-skinned child.

"Well, what have we today?"

[Oa Umi'u]

"They're nearly as good as my skills ignoring hopeless flirts. " Oa smiled and shook her head as she set Ellis down gently onto a hoverbed. Though her chief concern was the child, she was pleased that Ilias was on duty. As talented as Master Yuma was, the old Jedi could be interminably dull which only made visits to the infirmary more unpleasant for young ones.

"Ellis is feeling poorly." Oa stroked the girl's hair and Ellis sighed, burrowing her face in the woman's sleeve. "She seemed fine this morning. Come on, El, let Healer Ilias take a look at you."

The girl shook her head, fists clutching the edges of Oa's tunic. Oa smiled and bent until she was near the child's ear. "It's alright, he's my friend. If he's mean to you, I'll beat him up."

[Ilias]

Ilias nodded absently, his attentions focused more on Ellis now. He assessed her as she sat, noting a rash visible above her collar. Then he gestured for the girl to lie down, and bent over her form lying on the hoverbead, to take a closer look. When he went to try and touch her forehead so that he might gauge her temperature, the girl turned it to one side. Ilias gave her a small smile, and spoke softly.

"You must trust me, child. I am kinder than this room says, and I will not hurt you." He took her small hand. "Feel. See, even my hands are warm."

Ellis turned her small head slowly, swallowing. She gave him a weak smile. Ilias placed her hand back on the bed, and gave it a gentle pat.

"Now, I want you to close your eyes and think of something that makes you happy. The morning sun, perhaps." He suggested, glancing up at Oa.

As the girl closed her eyes, finally relaxing and beginning to trust, Ilias reached his right hand over her head, stroking her hair. It wasn't difficult to get the girl to nap. Whatever was afflicting her was most definitely tiring her little body out. He glanced up at Oa.

"Virus. As common to her as the common cold. She will be fine."

Then he set to work. First, cooling her temperature, which in turn aided in abolishing the rash. He then felt her neck and chest, deepening his senses. Ilias' skill had roots in natural ability. Not many Jedi were truly healers, and fewer still had the innate gift. His strength in this art had progressed at an unusually high rate, and he was capable of longer sessions and greater feats than most of the other Knights. And was getting stronger by the day.

"I have given aid to her antibodies. While she naps, her own immune system will easily abolish the rest of what is assailing her."

The Jedi Healer smiled at the caretaker as he moved to take a seat on a small couch against the wall by the hoverbed on which Ellis was snoozing. "I...apologize for the comment when you arrived. I am sure you have little appreciation for such things coming from a Jedi bound to his code. I was out of line."

He wasn't really as bound to his code as he let on. Ilias Nytrau sincerely thought that certain areas of the code were...outdated.

[Oa Umi'u]

"Oh don't apologize, Ilias. It's a relief to know you Jedi have a pulse." Oa stood by the 'bed, dutifully watching the child. It wasn't the fairest of comments to make, but she didn't regret it. Lately the Temple had become a place of confinement, rather than comfort.

As time passed, it became more and more clear that her life among the Jedi needed to come to an end. Mek and Celen, her dearest friends, were soon to take the Trials which would mean even less time together. Her father and his apprentice hadn't been home in months. As much as Oa treasured her duties in the creche, there was a sense of missing fulfillment that could not be shaken. It was a bit like being raised among an alien race--eventually the differences outweighed the similarities.

A brief frown knit her delicate features together, but Oa quickly twisted them into a smile. She glanced over at the Jedi Healer. "I haven't seen you in a while. Jedi Younglings don't seem to fall ill very often. How have you been?"

[Ilias]

He just stared at her with that "pulse" comment. In all honesty, Ilias really didn't know what to make of it, outside of that...

Well, perhaps she is right. We, as Jedi, are far too stiff.

Inwardly, he smiled. His form relaxed against the arm of the piece of furniture he had taken up residence on. There were certainly admirable things about the woman presently occupying the room with him that over the years had turned from a point of annoyance to appreciation. Long since had the times of childhood disgust at the opposite sex passed, as well as the brooding and regular indifference of the teen years. Ilias had wised up greatly in recent years, and began to notice certain things more and more that the code did not make concession for, and it felt too stiff. It was in this fashion that the healer found himself stuck. There are certain instincts, especially for a man such as himself, that were incredibly difficult to ignore.

"Oh, me? I am...well, thank you." He gave Oa an honest smile, a soft look, before dropping his eyes, absently examining his interlaced fingers. Despite the feral darknesses that haunted him, Ilias emanated unconciously a strange sort of calm. Yet, Oa's presence made him a little nervous. Alright, it was the only thing that made him nervous, presently. Not a feeling brought by fear, but by something sillier entirely. "There is little action for a healer such as myself, being the prized and protected members that we are. We all know most any master would claim that the Jedi do not crave adventure, but believe me, it does nag at the conciousness."

Ilias could quite handily protect himself. He may be a healer, but his deeper nature, his other nature was one of a warrior. This was a point of frustration for him. He could quite readily protect others as well. He lifted his head a little and looked at Oa again.

"I..ah..." He paused suddenly, staring awkwardly, then shaking his head and waving it off. "Oh, forget it."

[Oa Umi'u]

Was he... blushing?

It was hard to tell because he kept looking down, but she swore she could see a faint rouge hue creeping up by his ears. In all her years at the Temple (many of which she and Mek had spent irritating Ilias) Oa had never once seen the man blush. Or stutter.

"By the Force, that's the first time you've ever been at a loss for words." Dark eyes shining in obvious amusement, Oa quirked one brow. "Surely such a prized and protected member of the Order isn't uncomfortable?"

She was poised to laugh teasingly, but at that moment Ilias looked up with a good-humoured grin and their eyes locked. Everything seemed to still considerably. A tingling sensation hummed in her extremities, and Oa felt her cheeks warm. All too quickly it became harshly clear where, and what, they were.

He was a Jedi Knight, bound by a code and a cause that demanded his entirety. She was... not.

Oa cleared her throat softly. Her eyes trailed to Ellis, who was slumbering peacefully, chubby face twitching in dream. "If she's not a danger to the other younglings I ought to take her back. Master Heri will be waiting."

[Ilias]

He breathed a heavy sigh. Why did she make him feel like that? He'd never been nervous or wordless about a single darn thing, but being even only somewhat alone with this woman made him freeze. It sped through his mind, the number of things he could have done in any one of those moments, like say something, touch her face, or...he closed his eyes. His right hand was digging into the arm of the couch as he mentally fought it all off. This was harder than it should be. Feral instinct had a strong grip, and he was finding that out over and over again. You think you have control, then you discover there's still a long way to go. Ilias hoped to be able to show dominance once and for all over this...thing.

Augh, this is driving me crazy.

Suddenly, Oa spoke, not really breaking his train of thought, but it grabbed his attention enough to make open his eyes, and move.

"If she's not a danger to the other younglings I ought to take her back. Master Heri will be waiting."

At that, he pushed himself up from the couch and walked, preoccupied, over to the hoverbed, to collect Ellis up from it. He walked around, and, face to face with his incredibly present undoer, shifted the child's form carefully into her arms, managing to somehow catch one hand on her wrist. He froze, dead still, locking his bright blue eyes with her eyes.

Ilias swallowed. Hard.

Oh, frell.

[Oa Umi'u]

Oa paused at the touch, her body hostage to the long, desperate moment that came before their eyes raked in opposite directions. In her arms--near to trembling--Ellis lay undisturbed and unaware of what the transfer of her body had inspired.

Ilias took a cautiounary step back, but the spot on the inside of her wrist where his thumb had pressed held the pressure like a mold. Oa felt her breath hitch and stutter, catching against the line of her collarbone like myrmins in a trap. There was a distinct shift in the air; the space between them was different now, unfamiliar.

"..." Hoping words would counteract whatever sorcery was present, Oa started to say something but found that there wasn't anything there. A crooked smile dashed along her lips, carrying embarrassment.

Before either of them could make greater fools of themselves, she turned and very carefully headed for the exit. The woman concentrated every effort on walking smoothly so that the child wouldn't be disturbed. She was almost out of the medward when she spun around, smoke-soft hairl curling about her foreignly shy face.

"Ahm... a few of us are going to update some starcharts tonight." Oa offered a questioning look. "You're more than welcome to come. It's a bit boring, but..."

[Ilias]

Phew.

The moment, shall we say, was quite awkward. Unbelievably awkward. In any case, it was enough that if Ilias were a block of solid ice, he'd have melted on the spot. For a few seconds, he just watched her go, stuffing one hand into a pocket, the other rubbed over his just overwarmed, red-cheeked face, before resting on his chest. Breathe. In and out. In and out. That moment was all too painful and yet, exhilarating and exciting and all at the same time! And the realization was that it was exactly what he had been wanting. That was probably the most shocking bit. Could he do it? Did he really have the gall to go against that part of his teachings?

Then she suddenly turned around in the doorway, and looked at him, questioningly. Yes, she definitely has a pretty face. It looked soft, and Ilias liked it all quite a lot.

"You're more than welcome to come. It's a bit boring, but..."

He raised the one hand from his chest, holding up a finger as if to silence her.

"I would like that. Very much."

He smiled, suddenly confident. Yes, he could do this.

[Oa Umi'u]

"Great." A dull ache was forming on each side of her jaw, the price of holding back so many smiles. "I'll see you then."

Before it could grow any more awkward, Oa nodded and hurried away with her charge. As she walked down the hushed halls, nodding serenely to passing Jedi, the woman forced herself to keep her eyes forward; she could feel Ilias watching her and one stolen view was more than enough.

* * *

Later that night...

"I'm not sure this is the best idea--"

"No. It's not."

"--having the children out this late. They ought to--"

"That's not what I mean. You cannot do this, Oa. You musn't."

Oa spun around with a scowl spilled across her face. Though she and her childhood best friend had held many an argument, there was a more severe undercurrent present now. Mekgan Tra'lalli cut an imposing figure, standing with arms crossed in the middle of the Observation Chamber.

"We're friends, Mek, that's all--"

"Don't lie to me." Mekgan interupted severely, dropping her voice as two giggling initiates raced by. It was a small group--a close circle of Knights and a few of the young ones--but this was a conversation for only two. "He is a Jedi, Oa, and as such bound by the Code--"

At that, Oa snorted and began walking again. "Oh, yes, the Code, we can't forget that can we? He's a man capable of making his own choices."

"Exactly. And you are a woman capable of making hers." A hand landed on Oa's shoulder and turned her, gently. With a sigh, the Mon Cal Jedi stared at her friend in worried exasperation. "Don't do anything that will make him think there's a choice to be made. It will only turn out badly."

The female's luminous silver eyes drifted over Oa's shoulder. Without looking, Oa knew who had entered the chamber. Mekgan gave her shoulder a final squeeze before discreetly excusing herself to go mediate a disagreement that had arisen between a pair of younglings.

She's right. Oh Force, she's right.

Disappointment and embarassment knotted in her throat. Everything seemed somehow sharper--the shouts of the children, the low laughter of the others, the hum of the projector--and against it all throbbed her exposed intentions. How could she face him now, with all that written on her face?

Oa drew a short, shaky breath and adopted a false smile.

She could do this.

[Ilias]

Aside from the visit that Oa had given with Ellis, Ilias' shift as 'healer on duty' had been relatively quiet. Some of the younger healers, either freshly knighted or learning the ropes, had come by along with their masters at one point, and that had provided him plenty distraction. He was easily six, eight, or ten years older than most of them, and their masters were his age, or a few years older. Ilias Nytrau knew all too well that the council was passing him by, because of his inherent nature and less than in-line personal convictions on the matters of the code. He was a known rogue of sorts, but there was little outside of withholding his advancement that the council would do, simply because his skills in more than just healing had an extraordinary threshold. He was an enigma, and most of it caused the elders concern. Along with Master Yuma, the council were at this time the only ones privy to the full nature of what Ilias was. Some were even so enlightened that they knew more of it than he himself did.

He didn't begrudge them for it. Sometimes he didn't even feel quite confident that his entirety could be trusted. There were so many unknowns. They had all been witness to the redheaded Jedi's skill as warrior, healer and mentalist. There seemed to be little to differentiate which of it all was the greatest in level, and that, dare it be said, likely scared some.

It was all so worrisome.

After his evening meal, and a late focus class, he had the rest of the night off. Ilias used this opportunity to head to the Observation Chamber, where Oa and some others would be gathered. When he arrived, Oa was already facing him, and Mekgan was wandering off to mediate a disagreement between some of the youngers. She had a smile on her face, but she didn't seem right. She still looked delightful, nonetheless. Ilias went to her, his hands folded behind his back. He spoke quietly.

"Is everything...alright?" He glanced over her shoulder, watching Mekgan a moment, before looking back, looking in her eyes. He had a confidence that wasn't there before. He could look at her without exploding inside. Control, that is what it was.

"Everyone knows I am not the most adherent. I can understand if there is concern."

The very same feelings he had confirmed for his mind earlier that day were still there, but he had reigned them in. His 'heart' was still uncertain. Oa had grown on him slowly from childness to maturity, and he could not help but notice. This was what he had been missing.

[Oa Umi'u]

"No concerns, my friend, everything's fine; I expect I'm just a little tired from a long day." Oa smiled. She smiled politely. Her hands were laced in front of her in a genteel manner, and they remained there despite the desperate impulse to stroke the Jedi's shoulder.

"I'm glad you came. We've just started on the Monaclor Cluster." The woman was doing a wonderful job of looking at everything except the space which Ilias occupied. It was a battle, and whether her success could be counted as a victory or a loss was up in the air. Oa breezed on in a voice that held little of the ease which had been so abundant earlier in the day.

"There are only minor adjustments to be made, really. But," Oa looked up at the illuminated dome of the ceiling, "It's rather a sight."

[Ilias]

She wasn't being completely forward with him. He could see that. Playing along, Ilias turned his bright-eyed gaze to the domed ceiling, noting how glorious the display was. He stood at her side, his hands remaining as they had been - behind his back. He would surely touch her if there were not other present factors inhibiting his desires. He would touch her and impart his warmth, if he could.

"It is an excellent appoximation. A beautiful sight it would be to behold in its real place. Simply stunning."

Like you. The unspoken words. He was definitely doing a bit of holding back himself, though it was not apparent. The necessity for self-control in other things had aided him. There was want. There was need.

He wanted Oa. He needed to wait.

She needed time.

[Oa Umi'u]

Across the room, Mekgan watched the two warily as she kept half an eye on the initiates. She didn't care that Oa had seemed to understand ealier--their clumsy hesitance spoke volumes louder than any embraces would have, and it troubled the Jedi. Deeply.

"Oa?" She called, guiding a young one to an open observation point. "Would you mind helping me, please? Rranor's having trouble adjusting the 'chart to reflect orbital pull."

Oa looked at her with an unfathomable expression before excusing herself from Ilias' side. She didn't speak to Mek when she got near, but they were old, dear friends and the glances they exchanged were conversation enough. Both understood there was a disagreement between them. Oa busied herself with one of the children and Mek did the same, after fixing Ilias with a knowing look.

It was only hours later, when heavy eyes started to lose the battle against sleep, that the woman and the Healer were close enough to share words. They filed out of the chamber beside one another, quietly.

"You didn't--" Oa was interupted by a giant yawn. "Excuse me; you didn't have to stay the whole time, my friend. You aren't expected at the clinic early, I hope?"

[Ilias]

A half-smile/half-smirk played upon his lips as he crossed his arms, her yawns not contagiously transmitting to him.

"Honestly? I only sleep three hours a night, if at all. It is all I need."

The look on her preciously beautiful features was one of tired doubting. Clearly she didn't believe that a man who was for all intents and purposes human needed little to no sleep. Even if he was a Jedi. Little she did know that there was more to it than that. She may never know that far. That was one thing he could not tell - how far either of them would go. How far anything would go. Her day-worn face surrounded the sparkling eyes that stared somewhat incredulously at him.

"You should speak for yourself, miss. It was not I that was scurrying from one youngling to another."

[Oa Umi'u]

Oa grinned even as she stooped to pick up one of the younger initiates who had begun to sway sleepily. "It doesn't tire me - I enjoy it. It's peaceful, being around the young."

Her voice had dropped significantly, and she rubbed small circles on the childs back. They walked on in companionable silence and when they came to a cross section, Oa stopped. Her quarters were to the left, near the creche. Ilias' were to the right.

"Thank you for coming." Mek was herding the rest of the younglings down the hall. Oa shifted the child in her arms and bit her lip. "Goodnight."

Without waiting for a reply she turned and silently wisked down the corridor.

[Ilias]

His hands had since shifted to folding behind his great expanse of clothed back. Her words that chasing after the youths was 'peaceful' spoke opposite of the yawns and sleep-wanting etched on her face. Mentally, he had shrugged.

"Fair enough."

The walk along a soft-lit corridor was definitely a most quiet one. The youngster had for all intents and purposes conked out, his head cocked and rested on the shoulder of Oa. When they stopped at the intersection, he brought his hands to in front of him, and laced his fingers there. It was at that moment that he felt a strange compelling to stroke the head of the child, and lay a soft kiss at the temple of the woman who carried him.

He thought better of it, only smiling as she offered her parting words.

"A good night, and a peaceful rest to you, as well."

He bowed his head to her. Then he turned heel and shifted down the right-hand corridor, fading into the shadows that had long since cast themselves into the dim-lit passageway.

A night of no sleep was what his physical self held in store for Ilias.

[Oa Umi'u]

...The propositions, their pages and pages,
I realized then that reading them all would take ages and ages.
While I nodded my brain a fuzzing,
Suddenly, there came a buzzing,
As if some wings were in a flutter,
Caught outside upon the...

Upon the...

Flutter. What rhymed with flutter? Butter; no, that wasn't it. Stutter? No.

Oa sighed and kicked back her blankets, sliding to sit on the edge of her sleepcouch in the alcove just off of the creche. The soft whistle of young lungs breathing in sleep was normally enough to send her to her own dreams. Not tonight however. She'd tried everything - tea, a quick walk, reading, counting banthas, reciting poetry. After three hours she was still as wide awake as ever.

And she knew why.

The restless feeling that seemed to rise in her chest with every breath was maddeningly persistant. Oa wanted to scream and might have, if the risk of waking every young initiate in the temple (and thus incurring the wrath of Master Heri) weren't so real.

"Oh, this is ridiculous." She had never been much for planning. Oa Umi'u was a woman of action. She rose in one fluid motion, grabbing her robe at the last second to throw over her pajamas, and quietly slipped out into the corridor, marching to the main bank of living quarters with purpose.

[Ilias]

Over the years, he had progressively needed fewer and fewer hours of sleep. At the most, it usually amounted to three hours, and not even on a nightly basis. The healer had put it down to whatever it was in him that was setting him apart, and had adjusted accordingly. Ilias had used the regular sleeping hours of most of the temple’s populace to dive into academic studies of things such as the medical profession as a non-force user would study and practice. And further understanding of the force, meditations on it, and the like. And while that would normally keep him well occupied, such was not the case this night. Something was itching at him, a feeling with scant familiarity, one that was still so fresh. It had hit him hard in the face earlier in the day, and taken hold of him as if by the throat. It had caused this very in-control and strong man to at once seem fumbling and weak. Biology and its funny little tricks.

Oh mercies... He thought, slightly exasperated.

At once, the Jedi Ilias closed off the file of text that was his current nightly project. A light current, that itching something, was calling him out and he could scarcely concentrate in a straight line for another minute. Leaving the datapad on his bunk, he hopped up and pulled his robes tight, smoothing them out. He hadn’t bothered to change into something more comfortable. This was one of those nights where sleep was not needed. Without further ado, Ilias passed with a masterful silence into the corridor that ran by his quarters, and headed down it towards the main intersection.

...This has got to stop.

That something was nagging stronger the closer he got.

[Oa Umi'u]

It was clear this needed to stop.

Oa rounded the corner smartly; she was a woman with a purpose who wanted to get a good nights sleep. There was only one way to do that, and it was to clear the air between her and Ilias. Everything had gotten quite out of hand.

They were adults, they could handle this like adults.

As she walked down the corridor toward his quarters, she saw him striding in the same direction from the opposite end. Oa adjusted her course to stay straight. They were scarcely a foot away from each other, both with politely serious expressions on their faces...

And then before she knew what she was doing, her tongue was in his mouth.

Oa drew back just a suddenly, face frozen in horror. That wasn't what she'd meant to do at all. She'd meant to say something sensible, rationalize the situation and define new boundaries in their friendship.

Although in a way she'd done just that.

The woman shook her head and opened her mouth. "Oh frell."

[Ilias]

Well, that felt different. Different, but oddly satisfying. Oh, what am I thinking…

What had transpired was certainly not his intention when he had left his sleeping quarters, and yet, what was in the past could not be changed. Of course, the fact that it had passed could not be denied, but still – oh, it was all so very confusing. This was what he wanted, right? Yes, yes…that appeared to be the case. His mind was siding with logic and reason and the jury heard the argument. But the fresh evidence that the rest of his being had been dishing out was speaking far louder.

Oh frell... Her words, the side-to-side motion of her head caused him pause.

His next actions made relatively little sense to his mind, but perfect sense otherwise. Oa had turned away slightly, and instinctually it seemed, he slipped his warm and oddly calming hands over her shoulders as he stood behind her. Then his arms just enveloped her, and he rested his cheek against the side of her head, obviously bending himself over somewhat.

"Silence. Curses will do nothing of use." Ilias whispered so softly, for her ear only. Strangely, his words had an unintended commanding effect. She was trying not to relax, trying not to give in and he felt that. He knew the effect his touch had. His was not merely learned ability, but an innate gift. Not only was it a healing hand, but at its basis, a calming warmth.

"How long this has been working up in me, I do not know. I once thought you a nuisance of a child, but the years have changed many things." He sighed, a release.

"This is unfamiliar to me. I admit confusion. And yet, it feels like a blessed chaos."

[Oa Umi'u]

For a long moment she resisted his hold with everything she could muster. This was wrong for so many reasons and still managed to feel right. Finally Oa gave in, leaned into the strong frame behind her and knew she was doomed. His heartbeat against her shoulderblade was a terrible death knell for everything they knew.

Blessed chaos was right - Oa laughed. What else could she do?

In Ilias' arms the woman turned, her face furrowed with uncertainty. One soft hand brushed against his cheek.

"You talk too much." She whispered back. "You've always talked too much."

[Ilias]

“Ah…” Ilias showed a smile, and reached up to take hold of her hand, and lightly kiss her palm.

He wrapped his other arm around her tighter, and then rested his chin on top of her head. He could smell her, something soft and gentle – it more than likely was calming to the younglings, he figured – that lent her a sweet delicacy. The fact that she thought he talked too much amused him. But he kept that to himself. He did not want to tarnish the depth of the moment.

“Perhaps talking while everyone sleeps is not the best course. It might wake someone.” His voice, a scant whisper. The smile remained.

[Oa Umi'u]

One eyebrow quirked out of quick habit, though her face held none of it's usual clever mirth. It had been replaced by a sombre expression, one which hid a faster current of something far more dangerous.

"Then maybe we should stop talking." Oa breathed, staring up at Ilias as she pressed her palms against his shoulders. Her pulse thundered so loudly it nearly drowned out her thoughts.

Without looking, Oa palmed the access panel to the man's quarters and backed in, gently tugging the front of his robes.

[Ilias]

Her actions...what she was doing or had intent to do...was unfamiliar territory. It raised an alarm of uncertainty in his head that was battling it out with the rougher, more untamed areas of his being. It was the portion of him that let her do this, the portion that was enticed and intoxicated, like a drunk man in a peeler bar full of twi'leks. That side was more forceful than his stoic and logical Jedi mind.

The door shut behind them, and as it did, he grabbed her wrists, and showered her face with a look of glaring intensity. They were, without a doubt, alone. And the temple would remained slumbered for a while yet. The logic was gone. Now the mischevious man taunted the beast within that would surely tear this lady apart if it had its way. The feeling was exciting, but the consequence of losing all control was not one that could be afforded.

He kept this stance for a along few moments and close his eyes, reigning it all in, then focused again on her face. A grin full of trouble crept over him.

"You wanted something?"

[Oa Umi'u]

Just everything I can't have.

Oa swallowed thickly and reversed her motion, pushing him back against the wall. Quickly reaching up, she framed Ilias' face with one hand. The other pressed protectively against the back of his ginger crowned head, cushioning it against the hard plaster.

"I can't think when you're around." She growled lowly. She shifted her weight against him. His body was so warm, his pulse just as erratic as hers.

A small frown glossed over Oa's sharp features, and she released her tight grip on his shoulders and stepped back.

[Ilias]

He reached out for her when she did her short retreat in front of him, but hesitated, his hand pausing halfway in the air between them. He was just as unsure about all this as she was, and it was frustrating for him. Being a code-bound Jedi and a unexplored threat underneath was a most difficult thing that he had come to have some mastery of control over...except when she was around. The monster within bashed in rage on the closed door of the deepest reaches of his psyche, wanting to get out. The primal urges of a being's basic and most ancient of natures were harder to ignore, resist and subdue in these circumstances, and in the case of this man, they lit the fire under the tail of something deadly. Ilias sucked in a deep breath, and let it hiss out slowly, dropping his hand to his side. The voice that came from his mouth was his own, but yet not his own. It was a mulititude of tones, an otherworldy sound that gave some sort of impression that a commanding magic was coming into play. Ilias' resistance was close to failiure.

"What..." He breathed in that voice, eyeing her. "...is the matter?"

[Oa Umi'u]

"This." Oa waved a hand between them. "This is the matter. I don't even know what this is but it's driving me crazy."

Even now, with frustration bubbling and spitting in her belly, she was having to forcibly battle the urge to tackle Ilias again. She would have jumped into him if she could have.

Instead, Oa pressed the heels of her palms into her eyes. "Oh Force," Raven hair quivered as the woman's head shook. "Tell me I'm not the only one. Please tell me I'm not crazy and you're feeling... whatever it is that's between us."

[Ilias]

He reached out...

...and then hesitated. He had never been so sure about being unsure - or unsure about being so sure in his entire life. The way this felt, it was confusing. It was want, want, want. It was fight or flight. It was stillness and insanity, bubbling like a maddened volcano. He wanted this, and yet... yet every teaching ingrained into him from his earliest years of understanding tried to pull him back like seafarers pulling in the catch amidst the perfect storm. The monster and the man had their battles - he hoped someday there would be a truce to hammer out.

He reached out, and grasped her gently by the shoulders.

"You... you are not crazy." The voice of effect wavered between itself and his normal sound, like it was being choked out. He moved his hands down her arms, up to her wrists attached to hands pressing into eyes, and wrapped his long fingers and strong palms around those wrists, not pulling. Then he kissed her in the dark, dark fibers atop her head, mumbling something further, his mouth and nose pressed there. He felt compelled to these motions.

"If you are crazy, then I am as well." He said quietly, finally.

[Oa Umi'u]

His confirmation brought with it a flush of relief, and then desperation. If this was a two-way lane, things had become much more complicated.

The steady pressure of her palms against her eyes was cathartic. Oa breathed into the touch. She was afraid if she pulled her hands away, everything else would fly apart, too.

This was wrong.

She couldn't do this to him. It wasn't fair. To ask him - to tempt him - to step beyond the bounds that he had diligently formed since infancy was selfish. More than that, it was cruel. Oa swallowed against the pulse beating in her throat. Every time she took a breath she smelt Ilias.

"I need," Oa's breath hitched. She pulled back. "To leave. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come. I shouldn't have come at all."

[Ilias]

Hesitant at first, he didn't release her, mild confusion crossing his face. After awkward moments it cleared, and he still held her by the wrists, his hold becoming gentler as she sought to resist. This territory was unfamiliar to him, but it felt like somewhere he needed to be, somewhere a part of him yearned for. As if that part had existed long before he had and knew of things he knew not of. Slowly, finally, reluctantly, he was bowing to her unspoken request for release. Through sheer force of will he let go, though very much not wanting to, and the instant of the release, feeling that something strangely indescribable had been torn from him. Like a slice of his sanity up and wandered away...

"I... No... Why?" He didn't seem to understand what was going through her mind at first, but his better sense soon caught up with him, and a darkly sombre look filled in his eyes. Ilias looked down at his hands, palms upturned, examining them as if something were not good with them.

"What if I wanted you to..." He stopped, then raised his eyes again, seeking hers, his expression momentarily looking quite certain. "No. Not a what if."

He narrowed his eyes, as if to chance a look into her soul, then furrowed his brow, determination setting in. "I want you to stay. Me, the man, the Jedi, the healer. All of me, for you, to stay."

Ilias stopped, and watched her still-unsure face, her doubt, her fears flowing over her like a show of many pictures, flashing one after another in sequence. "That is what I want - now, tomorrow, and the tomorrrows thereafter, Oa."

[Oa Umi'u]

"You can't." Oa replied, though the opposite sentiment was on her lips, begging to be said. She shook her head and very nearly reached up to press her fingers along the line of his collarbone; her hand paused in mid-air, bridging the space between them without actually touching.

This was mad. She'd instigated this, been the aggressor, and now she was calling foul and giving up the game. The incongruousness of it made her head spin.

If he kept looking at her like that, all her shaky convictions were going to come crashing down. "You mustn't want that, Ilias. It won't do us good to desire something we can't have. It's not possible... the Order... I can't let you throw that away. Not over this. Not over us."

She put her hands up against her face again, shaking her head. "Augh. No, no, I mean, there is no us, not yet, and that's what I mean, there mustn't be... there can't be. Oh stars, shut up Oa, just shut up."

[Ilias]

He got closer again, but hesitated this time in touching her, not following through, hand faltering, and taken in by the other hand. With this reluctance of hers, her fresh denial, he now wanted that Oa would come to him again, much like she had in the corridor when she sought him out in the strange, confusing frustration and tension that the both of them had noticed ratcheting up between the two of them in recent times. Just little things - looks, words, accidental motions - a careful seduction that neither was entirely aware of until tonight, in the slumbered world of the Jedi Temple.

"You cannot hide it from me, Oa Umi'u. You lie to yourself now like a child in disbelief over a loss."

I am curious, too curious perhaps, to know what will become of this...

Ilias pulled an arm up, a light touch to her shoulder, leaving the hand there. Then the same with the other hand, the other shoulder, and assumed a not too firm grip.

"Look at me, Oa." He near demanded, overcome by the desire her proximity gave him. "I do not know what it is I am asking, what I am getting myself in to, but I know that I do not want to be left wondering the rest of my life what I might have missed. You are more to me than I thought was at all possible, through some strange way. Do not run away from... this... from me."

[Oa Umi'u]

"I'm not running away. It's just. This. Ilias." Oa rolled her shoulders ever-so-slightly, creating a space between his palms and her humerus so that she could concentrate on language without the distraction of the energy that crackled between them.

"This isn't just an attraction between a man and a woman. If it were that simple we wouldn't be skulking about, whispering like criminals. You know as well as I do that if the Council finds out... if anyone finds out..." She shook her head. "And that's the least of the matter. There are rules for a reason. You've just said yourself that you don't know what you'd be getting into, what we'd be doing..."

The woman shook her head, again. Her neck was stiff and it opposed the movement, warred against it. "These feelings between us, they're... inappropriate. I worry that if one of us... if we act on them, everything will change. Perhaps not for the better."

[Ilias]

He'd heard her out on that point. The eye on her, while nervous, while wanting and many other things, was now critical. His hands dropped, albeit with reluctance.

"Would you be any better off living with the regret of..." And he'd trailed off, bringing one hand up suddenly to rub at his eyes, pinch the bridge of his nose in what he was certain was the onset of frustration. Ilias sighed and blew the useless emotion out with the used air, dropping his hand again. "...maybe you are right."

Ilias lifted his head and stared off and away from her, at the shapes of the room in the darkness behind her. He slowly tucked his hands into one another behind the small of his back and any emotion conveyed on his face began to fade. It would be right to shut down that factory, put an end to that production, would it not? His life until now and beyond now would be that of a Jedi, but...

...why now? Why couldn't he just switch it off?

"Are you so against me... against this that you would use the council, who shuns me for reasons so coldly irrelevant and completely distasteful, as your defense?"

As much as the code he swore by dictated what was appropriate, as much as emotions were not to guide thoughts and actions, Ilias found himself disappointed in her. Perhaps, he felt hurt. The redheaded man couldn't bring himself to look on her now, lest she see that he might, on the off chance, be ever so slightly displeased about it. He lowered his head, his eyes and frowned hard to hold back anything that...

"I... I apologize. I do not know what I was thinking with that."

[Oa Umi'u]

She bristled and this time when she reached out to clasp his face and force it to look at her, it was without the hesitant tenderness that had brought them here. Oa's eyes searched his roughly, anger curled and snapping in the dark irises.

"I am not against you." The words were slow and deliberate, enunciated crisply. "If that's not obvious to you, your senses need some work."

"I came here tonight to do... Force knows what to you. But now, now that we're here, I understand what Mek's been trying to tell me. I don't have a lot to lose, Ilias. You do. You have everything to lose. This," Oa shook her head, "This isn't worth everything that you would have to give up for it."

[Ilias]

He felt that hand intensely, even with the feeling of anger that was behind it. His eyes watched hers as they darted back and forth, looking for something in his. Then he reached up and touched that hand, just barely. He did not break his gaze, keeping his eyes locked on hers, an almost feral energy in them.

"Then say 'no'. Say 'no' and turn and leave and we will never speak of it again." This was not so much an open invitation to do so as much as a challenge, a dare. His voice was low, rough, almost edged with anger itself. He could tell that she was doing this for his sake, but from where he stood, he needed no favours. The question of worth was incredibly erratic here and now. "But before you do, ask yourself if such a choice is what you really wish. There is nothing that I regret, but..."

He dropped his hand from hers and raised it to her face, curling his fingers against her cheek. "...but I would regret not knowing more of this if you did."