What I've Done

[Lilaena De'Ville]

In this farewell,
There’s no blood,
There’s no alibi.
‘Cause I’ve drawn regret,
From the truth,
Of a thousand lies.

So let mercy come,
And wash away…

What I’ve done.
I’ll face myself,
To cross out what I’ve become.
Erase myself,
And let go of what I’ve done.

Put to rest,
What you thought of me.
While I clean this slate,
With the hands,
Of uncertainty.

So let mercy come,
And wash away…

What I’ve done.
I’ll face myself,
To cross out what I’ve become.
Erase myself,
And let go of what I’ve done.

For what I’ve done

I'll start again,
And whatever pain may come.
Today this ends,
I’m forgiving what I’ve done.

I’ll face myself,
To cross out what I’ve become.
Erase myself,
In this farewell,
There’s no blood,
There’s no alibi.
‘Cause I’ve drawn regret,
From the truth,
Of a thousand lies.

So let mercy come,
And wash away…

What I’ve done.
I’ll face myself,
To cross out what I’ve become.
Erase myself,
And let go of what I’ve done.

Put to rest,
What you thought of me.
While I clean this slate,
With the hands,
Of uncertainty.

So let mercy come,
And wash away…

What I’ve done.
I’ll face myself,
To cross out what I’ve become.
Erase myself,
And let go of what I’ve done.

For what I’ve done

I'll start again,
And whatever pain may come.
Today this ends,
I’m forgiving what I’ve done.

I’ll face myself,
To cross out what I’ve become.
Erase myself,
And let go of what I’ve done.
What I’ve done.

Forgiving what I’ve done.

Linkin Park
What I've Done

And let go of what I’ve done.
What I’ve done.

Forgiving what I’ve done.

Linkin Park
What I've Done


The dark haired woman grunted as she spun around the warehouse, slender pole in hand. Flowing from defensive to offensive stance and back again, she slashed and parried, battling imaginary opponents as she worked up a sweat.

The nightmares had come again, and so she fled from her bedroom to the warehouse in the industrial district of Iziz City. Exercise was the only way to dispell the uneasy feeling that they gave her. And ever since her ordeal on Coruscant at the hands of Y'roth Helgast, the nightmares came nearly every night.

Lilaena slapped the practice pole against a stack of heavy crates, hard enough to crack the slender wood. Frustrated and angry, she flung the tool away from her and her lightsaber found her palm. Ingiting the purple blade, she attacked the crates, the saber biting deeply into the duraplast containers.

The 'plast bubbled and melted where the lightsaber tarried too long, but the contents of the crates must have been sensitive to heat because one of the middle ones exploded. Lilaena threw up her arm, forming a shield of air with the Force to protect her from the flames and debris, though the heat of the blaze pinked her skin.

For a moment the air she held before her seemed to burn as the flames licked around it, then the conflagration subsided, confined in the remnants of the fireproof duraplast crates.

Lilaena dropped her arm and stood there with her lightsaber extended at her side, staring into the flames. Her eyes glittered with emotion, but then she became aware that she was not alone.

[Darth Callidus]

“An interesting trick,” a voice said, as a figure slowly emerged out of the shadows that clung close to the walls of the warehouse. He seemed to materialize from nothing, as if he had only then been breathed into existence.

“Perhaps you should be a little more... careful in the future.”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

"Perhaps you should not spy on me," she spat, turning around to face Callidus. "In the future."

Face smudged with soot, Lilaena cast a hand behind her and the flames extinguished, leaving behind only dark smoke. "Have you already put your apprentices to bed, and come in search of other sport?" She spun the lightsaber in her right hand, cutting through the smoke that was beginning to swirl around her feet.

[Darth Callidus]

Behind his mask, Callidus smirked. He allowed a moment of silence to pass, a punctual pause.

“I have no desire to fight you,” he said, at last. “Unless that would please you...”

His head canted to the side somewhat, as he considered the woman stood before him.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

"And since when has what pleased me been a concern of yours?" Lilaena raised an eyebrow. "I rather thought Anxia might be high on that list." Her lips twisted with mirthless humor at the thought of the petulant ward of the Queen.

Swishing her saber back and forth, Lilaena flicked the tip through the smoke idly. "I would not be a good sparring partner tonight, my mind is troubled."

[Darth Callidus]

Calmly, Callidus folded his arms behind his back. His expressionless white face followed the movements of her saber with a deliberate slowness. It was clear that she was vexed and he had no intention of dignifying her heated words with a response.

“... and what is it that troubles you?”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Lilaena stabbed the tip of her lightsaber into the floor, the duracrete hissing
angrily as the white hot blade penetrated it. "Must you wear that mask, Callidus? Are you so afraid to show your face to the galaxy?"

She paused, pulling her saber from the ground and switching it off. "Perhaps I should follow your fashion statement. Travel has become difficult these days."

[Darth Callidus]

With a casual air, Callidus brought one hand to his mask. It, unlike his face, was not covered and so his clawed fingertips could be seen in the dim light. “This is a necessity, as much as that precious weapon is to you.” This said, his hand fell once more. They both had their trinkets of protection, tools that safeguarded them. Salem simply required something with a little more finesse.

“You must feel... like a caged animal, unable to go where you please. It is no surprise that your anger has become so potent.”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

She stood still, her hands at her sides. "I suppose so." Her words were weak and small to her ears, and Callidus' imposing presence made them seem even more so. For a moment she wilted before the impassive mask and its white, opaque eyes.

But she had seen the man behind the mask, knew who it was who stood before her. Salem Ave was a man of power, political power, and power in the Force. She had felt it in him, knew him to be more learned than she was, despite the diligent efforts of Master A'na Eldhil.

Hells, she had danced with the puppet master of Onderon, and they had both worn masks then. How was it she had allowed him to strip her of hers while he still enjoyed the comfort of hiding behind his? I am not afraid - I do not hide.

A lie. She was afraid, terrified at times. Y'roth Helghast had laid bare her soul in a few short hours, and if she had not escaped... But she had escaped.

What was she doing on Onderon still? She had gotten what she came for, in a round about way, and the Mandalorians meant little to her. "My anger is a tool. It does not control me or my actions."

[Darth Callidus]

“Does it comfort you to think that?” The white mask tilted slowly to one side. “You forget how easily I understand you, Lilaena. You are a creature at the mercy of your own emotions. Everything you do is driven by them, regardless whether or not you care to admit it.”

Slowly, Salem began to smile. “Though... that need not be the case.”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

"An you would deign to teach me control, is that it?" Her face, unguarded and open watched his masked countenance closely, any smiles or facial tics hidden beneath it. "No, I do not think you have much to teach me about control.

"And all beings who possess emotions are in someway affected by them, though they may lie to themselves... mask their true intentions by some charade or another." Her face twisted slightly as she gave words to her disgust, "Some play games with power, simply to acquire more. Your aptitude and control of the Force may outweigh my own, but you merely further your own ends.

"My anger is fuel; I cultivate it to feed my acts of compassion." As any Jedi would.

[Darth Callidus]

“Compassion?” Callidus spat. There was no effort to hide his disdain.

“To whom? The Mandalorians, whose proud culture you seek to reduce to little more than an instrument of destruction for your own ends? You may clothe your anger in righteousness, but you fool only yourself. You are as self-serving as I am.”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

She bristled openly at his last comment, hands clenching at her sides. "I have never done anything for myself. I have no wealth, no companions, and while now I may oversee the Mandalorian people who have stagnated on your planet, I will take nothing from this for myself."

Lilaena opened one hand and shut it again, knuckles whitening as she began to tremble with barely contained emotion. "I serve the memory of the Jedi, the last warriors of the Force who were cut down by Palpatine and his dog, Vader. I serve according to the orders of my Jedi master, An'a Eldhil. I seek retribution for the evils done to them, and I do not spare myself any pain to see that my master's prophecy is fullfilled."

[Darth Callidus]

The emotion that bubbled beneath Lilaena's skin, threatening to overwhelm her, made Callidus grin with dark delight behind his mask.

“You seek vengeance, and you could have it if you only embraced what you truly are, what you could become... with my help!”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

I need no help, she thought, but she remembered Coruscant and the Inquisitorate. Something that Callidus knew nothing about, but she bore the marks of the event on her body. She had come too close to being completely helpless in the hands of Y'roth Helghast.

Master A'na Eldhil's face flashed in her memory, her dying grimace as the metal monster killed her. Lilaena flinched, her eyes stubbornly rooted on Callidus' mask. "What am I then?"

[Darth Callidus]

Many things came to mind, then, that Callidus did not voice. There was so much raw potential to the woman stood before him, potential that had been squandered thus far in the name of false justice and nobility.

“Lost... without guidance.”

As he spoke, he began to walk slowly forwards, towards her. The featureless mask of Callidus began to fade and diffuse like smoke, revealing the face of Salem Ave.

“Join me, Lilaena. Take your place as my apprentice and I will teach you, shape you into something far greater...”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

She took a step backwards as he approached, the mask dissolving and revealing Salem Ave's boiled egg eyes. "I will not be placed beside the two fools you currently own, Callidus, as another mindless tool."

Lilaena squeezed the lightsaber hilt in her hand as she continued. "What is in it for you? You never struck me as the type who would give without thought of receiving in return." Her eyes glittered, "There's always an angle with people like us."

[Darth Callidus]

“Is there?” Salem's lips pursed into a tight smile, as he stifled a chuckle. “Anxia and Creas have wills and goals of their own. There is a synergy to our alliances, a symbiosis... we all have something unique to offer one another, and you are no exception.”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

"Then what is it you want from me, Callidus?" Lilaena chose not to comment futher on his two apprentice learners, who she did not respect, no matter what their political positions on this backwater planet might be. She was certain that they had nothing to offer her, and she would certainly not be put into a position where she was in their debt.

No, Salem Ave was the only person who interested her, and she felt her heartbeat quicken as old memories of her early training with A'na Eldhil came to mind. To allow someone else to lead, even partially... She fought the unfounded flood of relief that tingled in her chest cavity, and waited for the Prime Minister of Onderon to answer her.

[Darth Callidus]

Many things... Words that did not form on the Prime Minister's lips, yet nonetheless seemed to resonate from within him.

“Your commitment... and your knowledge. Share with me what you already know, and I will act in kind.”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

"And what pledge of my commitment do you require?" She paused, adding, "I am passing my knowledge on to someone else already, and I will not be sending him away."

[Darth Callidus]

“Mmm, Mr. Grime...” Salem's lips became pursed for a moment, faintly cynical.

“He is of no interest to me,” he continued suddenly, with a dismissive air.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Her fingers tightened on her lightsaber, though the weapon remained inert. "And the answer to my question? What do you require from me?"

She looked at him almost disdainfully, the earlier feelings of relief shuttled away in favor of darker emotions. She was forgetting her training. She could trust no one, and the Prime Minister was no Jedi, as she was. Tying herself to him, even for a short while, could be too dangerous.

[Darth Callidus]

Though his mask was gone, discerning exactly what Salem was looking at was no easier. Without moving his head, his eyes drifted down towards Lilaena's saber hand, to the subtle change in her stance.

“Very little... attention, patience, compliance. I won't ask you to trust me, not yet... but perhaps in time.”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Patience. Not something that Master A'na Eldhil had ever had much of, though she had required it in spades from her young padawan. The scars on her back itched - the recent and the old ones as well. Lilaena rolled her shoulders and nodded, slowly.

"Then there is but one thing left." The saber hilt spun almost lazily in her hand, and the purplish blade ignited, pointed downward in a defensive stance as she adjusted her footing. "Prove to me you are worthy of my attention, patience, and compliance."

[Darth Callidus]

The mask of Callidus rippled over Salem's features, covering them once more. In his hand, the blue blade of a Jedi Guardian rippled to life in his hands. He assumed a defensive-forward stance, the hilt of the saber at hip height with the blade diagonally across his body. A student of the Jedi arts would have recognized it as one of the most common opening stances of Form I, Shii-Cho.

“Come, then...”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

"Shii-Cho," she said, lightsaber remaining tip down in front of her. "The way of the Sarlacc."

With a smooth motion Lilaena brought her saber up and angled slightly behind her head in a Form I offensive stance. Then she darted towards her opponent, and their lightsabers clashed, flinging colored light on the warehouse walls. Springing back from her initial attack, Lilaena pulled on her knowledge of Form IV, spinning towards Callidus with a whirling attack meant to slap his saber up and leave him open to be skewered.

[Darth Callidus]

A believer that the true nature of the soul was glimpsed in combat, Callidus could not help but smile. Ataru... the aggression form. As Lilaena spun towards him, he did not back down. His grip was firm, two-handed, and he held the length of the blade firmly against his opponents oncoming strike.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Thwarted in her initial offensive, Lilaena allowed her blade to be turned away and danced backwards out of the reach of Ave's lightsaber. Limiting her movements to sharp, stacatto swings, her speed increased as she pressed the attack again, drawing on her knowledge of the seventh form of lightsaber combat.

The Force swirled around her as she indulged in the thrill of the fight, dark emotions fueling her powerful and confusing attack.

[Darth Callidus]

Each strike now seemed more ferocious than the last, as dark energy threaded itself through Lilaena's attacks, lending them power and strength. However, for all she fought with passion, Callidus found himself sensing her movements. There was an undeniable familiarity to her technique, one which made their saber-play more choreography than combat. He feigned strikes here and there, simply to see how she would respond, whether her counter-attack would confirm his suspicions.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

She dared not break her concentration as Callidus met each attack with what appeared to be ease. Juyo was the most difficult combat style to master, and while she was proficient in it she was not its master yet. The Force lent power to her attacks, a darkness that was infused as though into her very lightsaber blade.

Lilaena countered a feint with an apparently wild swing, but after two or three more 'unconnected' attacks she would open a hole in Callidus' defense. He would not be a very good teacher for her if she was able to separate his head from his shoulders. The Jedi stabbed in towards him, then found the beginning of the opening she was working towards.

She smiled.

[Darth Callidus]

There was no mistaking it... the whirlwind strikes, the flurrying blows, all delivered with precision and accuracy belying their frantic speed – she fought with the much contended Seveth Saber Form. The darkness inside did not simply lend strength to her body, to the momentum behind each swing, but to the blade itself, imbuing it with a malevolent energy that hissed and snarled as it impacted with Callidus's saber.

Those Jedi who practiced the art were few in number, and fewer still were those who saw fit to pass the knowledge onto their apprentices. The likelihood of two such students meeting one another, in the vastness of the galaxy, was astronomical – and yet here Salem felt that they had defied such odds.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

At the last moment he blocked the blow that would have taken his head off, and Lilaena hissed an exhalation out through her teeth. She had known he would be competent with a blade, but he was matching her strike for strike. The air around her nearly hummed with energy as she strengthened her efforts, managing to cause her opponent to step backwards as she pressed towards him.

[Darth Callidus]

“Control your anger, Lilaena. Don't let it control you.”

They moved back and forth, each gaining the upper-hand for moments at a time, but neither emerging triumphant. Soon, Callidus began to tire of the struggle. He swept one hand upwards, and a wave of energy burst out towards his opponent – causing her to stagger backwards.

“Vaapad... who taught you to fight in the way of the Vornskr? Which of the old Masters?”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

She caught herself as he shoved her back, furiously drawing up into an agressive stance, lightsaber illuminating her face in the darkened warehouse. "I was trained by the Jedi Master A'na Eldhil until her untimely death eight years ago."

Lilaena remained as she was, barely restrained and ready to rejoin the fight at a moments notice. "You are trained in this form as well. Who did the great Callidus call teacher?"

[Darth Callidus]

In his minds eyes, Callidus saw himself as a boy – brash and arrogant – receiving reprimand from a woman with shocking white hair. The memory faded and his eyes refocused as he returned to the present. Some part of him had sensed the truth, yet it was no less shocking to hear it.

“The very same...”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Lilaena narrowed her eyes, and shook her head firmly, her hair falling into her face. "She had no other padawans. I would know."

[Darth Callidus]

The shift in his demeanour was pronounced. Though he did not lower his saber, Callidus's expression took on a look of candor.

“Search your feelings, Lilaena... I speak the truth. My tutelage must pre-date your own.”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

He was correct, she sensed the truth of his words even as she denied them.

Master A'na Eldhil had trained another? Before Lilaena had been assigned to her? She took a deep breath, suddenly reminded of the spectre she had hallucinated during her torture at the hands of the Inquisitorate. She felt betrayed, somehow.

"You did not finish your training...?"

[Darth Callidus]

“Not under A'na.”

Whilst he had been a boy of great potential, Salem Ave had also been an unruly student. Though Eldhil had taught him many of the skills which a Jedi's training was founded upon, she had not been the one to grant him the title of Jedi Knight. That honour was another's, one who was willing to overlook - and indeed encourage - the boys willful temper.

“Fortunate, I suppose. If I had remained her student, she would have been unable to teach you.”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Lilaena took in the information, still poised to return to the fight. "She was a great Jedi, and I will always feel honored that she passed her knowledge on to me." She looked at Callidus in a new light, as almost a brother she'd never known existed. Yet he was so different. He did not claim the name of Jedi, as she did.

"I... I have lived and breathed her teachings for almost my entire life."

[Darth Callidus]

“And that is where we differ.”

The Force, they said, worked in mysterious ways. Had it conspired to bring together A'na Eldhil's students for some purpose, or had the crossing of their paths been little more than an unlikely coincidence?

“Yet... it seems we are more alike than first impressions might have suggested.”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

"Yes... yes... you are alike. My padawans. Salem... Lilaena..."

Lilaena blinked at the voice that obviously her opponent did not hear, and could almost see Master A'na Eldhil circling Callidus, running her hand against his cheek. She blinked again, and the ghostly illusion faded. Perhaps it had never been there.

She knew what was asked of her, and she dared not resist any longer. That he had been trained by Master Eldhil as well was the final straw. Lilaena deactivated her saber and knelt, bowing her head low. "I have no more reservations, Callidus. Take me, if you will have me, I am yours to command."

[Darth Callidus]

Callidus paused. His eyes narrowed, only a little, as he moved towards Lilaena. The lightsaber remained activated in his hands, as he came to a halt in front of his kneeling opponent. The scene was strikingly familiar.

“I submit. You have bested me, Salem... I always knew you would live to outgrow me. There is no more I can teach you.”

She looked up at him, through a matte of damp brown hair. The rain did nothing to hide her tears. She looked... pitiful.

“Then you have out-lasted your usefulness.”

In his memory, he had struck her down, his second master – but this was not then. The lightsaber hissed back into its hilt, and he laid a hand on her shoulder.

“Rise, then.”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

She got to her feet and looked at him, at Salem Ave the Arkanian. She still could not recognize him from her time at the Order, but he was older than she.

"I realize why it is the Force brought me here, to Onderon." Lilaena spoke quietly. "I came in search of great power... and I have found such a source here on the planet." She straightened her back fully.

[Darth Callidus]

“Indeed. Together, we shall accomplish a great many things... Malleus.”

The death-mask had almost entirely faded away now, so that it was his own eyes which looked back at her. He touched two fingertips to her chin, lifting it, as if for inspection.

“Yes... Malleus. My hammer,” he smiled thinly. “You will shape the fate of this galaxy.”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Shaping the fate of the galaxy... What she had done since the death of A'na Eldhil would surely pale in comparison to the works she would do with Callidus' guidance.

Lilaena smiled.