Only When I Lose Myself [Alexander Mirit]

[Jiro Lawson]

Jiro pulled the collar of his suede jacket around his face to keep his ears warm. His breath condensed into white fog in front of him as he walked down the street, weaving through a group of people on the street. He had seventy credits by the time he was walking alone again.

The street was cold and wet and Jiro realized as he kept walking that he hated the cold. Glancing around, he jogged to the other side of the walk, his eyes always open for a likely candidate. He sped his pace and lightly knocked shoulders with someone, pocketing the credits he picked off them, shaking hair from his face as he smiled and apologized for hitting them.

Jiro had finally moved out of the apartment he had shared with Haruko and Taro, before Taro and Jes had gotten married, and he had bought his own little apartment a little ways away, nearer the Nihongo District. It was weird to live alone. He had grown so used to having Orange around as a constant background noise. But ever since the chaos on Naboo, and the bitter note she had left him, Jiro had lost his taste for her in general.

And since he'd returned to Coruscant, he'd gotten back in contact with Ren Wilcox, an old friend, and they had been hanging out so much that Jiro had forgotten that he was alone.

Living so made him remember.

Walking nonchalantly behind a bearded man with expensive clothing, he watched the man's hands, looking where he put his hand in his pocket so he'd know which to reach into.

Pick-pocketing sucked.

[Alexander Mirit]

The cold air rushed in as The Underworld's latest patron shoved open the doors, causing all of those seated nearest the entrance to stir from their alcohol induced trance. They shifted noisily in their seats, which eventually spread down the line of tables. Several customers glanced up to the stage to confirm for themselves what matter of being now presided over the entertainment provided. To their surprise, Alexander Mirit, the proprietor of the establishment, was hovering over the shadowed touchboard centered at the front of the crimson curtained platform. Checked into one of the ports on the keyboard instrument was a synthtone box that had been purchased for the solo acts that seemed more numerous with the more musically inclined employees he had tacked on. With a sly smile, barely noticed by those seated before him, he ran his index finger across the red switch that triggered the machine. Several moments passed as he inserted the settings of his liking. Luring the mic link attached to the back of the touchboard closer to his face, he opened his mouth and drew in a soft breath.

Then, expelling it in a heated breeze hinted with the cinnamon touchstone candy he had tucked into his cheek, he began. In the background, a soft scratchy recording of nothing in particular began. Then, his voice:

"It's only when I lose myself in someone else.. that I find myself, I find myself.." Another breath, the sharpness of it accented by the mic pulled up to his lips. Then, percussion filed in over the speakers, setting an andante pace for the song selected. He could hear the sleek drag of the record against someone's finger tips. Alec managed a smug glance over his shoulder at the silhouetted figure handling the chimes and slide, tucked back to stage left. Then, snapping his head back to the front just as the lights flickered in a most dramatic fashion, the fingers adorning his right hand rolled across the higher keys of the touchboard. An echoing scale hardly phased by timbre of his words.

"Something beautiful is happening inside of me. Something sensual, it's full of fire and mystery. I feel hypnotized, I feel paralyzed. I have found heaven." The Allutas were bowed behind the melody, spouting out a few melancholy but sped chords as his voice broke away from it all. "There's a thousand reasons why I shouldn't spend my time with you. For every reason not to be here, I can think of two. Keep me hanging on. Feeling nothing's wrong. Inside your heaven."

More solemn notes slurred from the strings, the heavy beat of the bass percussion in the background. Alec's hand swept over the keyboard in an almost lazy manner and flicked on the voice synth program. A jagged scoff tested the tone, rending his voice with an echo that seemed riddled with an electronic growl for the chorus.

"It's only when I lose myself in someone else that I find myself, I find myself.."

He noted the now wary audience betwixt the stage and the exit, pondering their captivated expressions and their posture which was far more than the slumps they had offered the other musicians. More slanted scales brought about by his adept fingers encased in that thick, black leather.

"I can feel the emptiness inside me fade and disappear. There's a feeling of contentment now that you are here. I feel satisfied, I belong inside.. you're heaven..."

The music, much like the emptiness explained in those words, faded and finally stopped completely - leaving that black hole he dreaded. His hand drew away from the instrument as if it had burned him. The stares continued, the desperate pleas for a finale went unheard but were clearly felt. Moving around the dais, he slipped from the stage with all the grace he was revered and respected for and silently made his way out of the lounge. The air hit him as he stalked out into the Coruscant night, like a bucket of frigid waters upon his already dampened mood. He walked on and still the music played in his head.

"Did I need to sell my soul for pleasure like this? Did I have to lose control to treasure your kiss? Did I need to place my heart in the palm of your hand; yours to crush, yours to command, before I could even start to understand?"

He rounded a corner, his gaze cutting a perfect line into the walkway. He had no idea where he was going, but he was getting there fast. He flicked those silver eyes upward and saw what he least expected. Before the mouth of the alley he had entered, where he now stood rooted to the spot, passed one elderly man and the wilily Jiro Lawson. Up to no good again, apparently. He was not noticed, he could tell the younger man was concentrating. Just as that hand would have caressed the credit pouch, a vice grip clamped down on the Odarian's wrist, allowing the would-be victim of theft to slip away unhindered.

"Jiro, Jiro. I've told you before. Never touch anyone unless you want to be touched back." He purred in that same deep voice that had worked the melody in his establishment. Flashing his sharpened, double canines in a wicked smile, he cast his forelock from his gaze with a cant of his head. Acknowledgement, a friendly greeting, a warning. Circumstances dare not say. It had been a very long time, though.

[Lyrics: Depeche Mode - Only when I lose myself]

[Jiro Lawson]

Jiro automatically pulled at the hand before his ear pricked and his eyes looked up at the face of the person who had grabbed him. His jaw slackened just a little when he saw the silvery eyes, the glint of sharpened canines contained in a smile, a toxic blend of good and evil Jiro had learned never to resist.

Alexander Mirit? his mind asked, supplying Jiro with a questioning look up and down the man's frame as if he expected him to simply drift into the cold Corsucant night as he had done when Jiro had barely known him. For a moment of stunned realization, the slight pain caused by that commanding grasp did not register in Jiro's brain. When it did, he pulled a little at his wrist.

"Ow," he said finally, even though the pain was not nearly bad enough to make not of it. He smiled up at the man, blowing a lock of his hair from his eyes. "Funny how you always seem to be the one touching back, Alex," Jiro said, his breath leaving his mouth in a fog that hovered over their heads for a moment before dissipating into the darkened sky.

Was Alexander different? Or was it just that being away from him had caused a strange miss for the older man. Jiro could not be sure, but even while Alexander had always held that certain alluring, mystery that could turn threat at any moment, the chance of it caused Jiro's stomach to leap.

[Alexander Mirit]

"You're far too sly for all the others. I figure I must make up for their neglect." He informed Jiro quietly, glancing down to his fingers that were curved non-too-gently about his wrist. He had barely noticed the gesture when it had been executed. He could only remember lurching after him before he slipped too far away and now, they faced one another as they had on the night so long ago. However, this time, there was hardly a trace of fear in the younger man's eyes upon the encounter. Alec wasn't sure if that was a good or a bad thing. Good to be recognized, bad to be taken lightly. But who knew him better? Aside from his brothers, of course. But even they knew very little about Alexander's current lifestyle. Their track of him seemed to have died with Mitsuru; that foolish child whose soul strayed the depths of his mind.

His grin waxed more at the thoughts and his grip tightened before it fell away completely. In truth, as with the recognition on Jiro's part, he wasn't certain that meeting him again was a good thing. They were such an odd pair when thoughtlessly thrown in together. Just the reason for his original departure from Jiro. Aiden had informed Alec of his plot for revenge, knew exactly where to find such weakness. Then, there was Laurent and Alaric, a whole different portion of a very macabre puzzle. Just another part of himself that he didn't want to dump upon Jiro. He was good. Too good. Easily changed but readily admired.

"I do not approve of this, of course. You shouldn't be wandering the streets, picking cash off of the weak. Your skills could be better served elsewhere."

[Jiro Lawson]

Jiro sighed, brushing off his jacket and rolling his shoulders. He patted his pockets to feel his comlink inside, and dropped his eyes a little before turning around to face the walk he had been on. The man he had been following had long since disappeared, and the street was now mostly quiet, except for the drone of a glowing sign, its light flickering, going out.

A bitter wind blew past him, nudging him forward a little. Of course, Alex hadn't ever approved of Jiro and his pick pocketing, Jiro really hadn't either, but after he'd stopped having sex for pay so long ago, he had fallen back into the old practice, and hadn't broken the habit yet. He reached up and tucked back hair that had blown in his face behind his ear, as he glanced back at the man and nodded.

"I know you don't," he said quietly. "But then again, my skills don't really concern you anymore, do they, Alexander?"

The words were bitter, but not really directed at Alex as much as himself and the things that had commenced after his and Alex's parting. Jiro had spent the better part of a month after seeing Alex for the last time making everyone else around him angry, just to make himself feel better. And after that, he had bounced from person to person; Orange, Mei-li, back to Orange, Ren, Mei-li again. He couldn't make up his mind. Jiro sighed out and shook his head.

"Sorry," he said, glancing back over his shoulder. "So, what are you doing wandering the streets?"

[Alexander Mirit]

Rather than wincing from the harsh remark that would have cut a lesser man to the quick, he merely arched a brow and folded his muscular arms over his broad chest. The long sleeve white shirt, pinstripe vest, and long black slacks did little to keep the bite of the cold air from his flesh. It was much colder during the winter months on Daethira, he didn't mind nearly as much as some of the other creatures on this city world. Besides, his hands were warmed by those custom gloves and his shins and feet were also covered with dark tanned leather up to his knees. Plenty of warmth to keep the half Odarian from seeking immediate shelter.

None of my business now, mm? You seem to forget whose block you are on, kid. Or perhaps, no one has been kind enough to inform you of The Underworld's take over. We'll have you well learned before this night is through. Manners along with proper respect for the ranks.

"I just thought I might step outside my establishment for a breath of fresh air. It's a nice place and all, but sometimes the crowd that is drawn there makes it stuffy. It's getting better though." He mumbled quietly, his silver eyes wandering over Jiro's face. He had seen better days. His eyes held a weariness unbefitting of his years. Too young, too much like himself.

[Jiro Lawson]

Jiro gave a slight nod, beginning to think maybe--as much as he wanted to stay there with Alex--that it was time he call Ren to see if he could come get him, or simply head home alone. He knew that Ren would come get him if it was a driving icestorm, hell, high water, tarred, feathered, no matter what, but he still didn't feel like seeing Ren at the moment.

"Well, at least you're keeping yourself busy," Jiro said. He fingered the silver ring he had on his left ring finger that he had recieved from his brother on his eighteenth birthday, not so long ago. He always fooled with it when he was nervous or scared, and now fell directly into the first category. Then his mind pricked slightly. His brow knitted together a little as he pushed his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

"I saw Ren the other day. He told me he met you?"

[Alexander Mirit]

"Seems Ren has been sought out by my Jack Mortmain. Quite an untamed shrew, that one. Oddly, she's quite a good leader when it comes to the business in which she is involved. She'll do him some good, I believe. Perhaps you should sign on to the Atropos as well, Jiro. Adventure, danger. Doesn't that sound fun?" He asked, his eyes slanted upward and his mouth curved into a most devious smile.

When Alec's sterling eyes again opened, they settled upon the ring Jiro was fidgeting with. It reminded him of a certain necklace, a certain time. But he was far more mature than that now. A business man of notorious importance; He couldn't go around swiping rings from unsuspecting ex's. But, he had to get his point across. The smile faded from his lips and his eyes lost the glimmer of mischief, though it still stirred beneath the surface.

"Couldn't be any worse than what you are up to now, could it? But really, you don't strike me as a big traveler. Something more grounded, local. There is a position open at the bar in my lounge. Of course, such a position comes with great responsibility. And you'd never miss a single bit of adventure or danger."

[Jiro Lawson]

Jiro couldn't help but laugh. If only Alex knew the adventure and danger that had occured in his life since they had separated. Ships, and colonies, and bounty hunters. He'd been nearly killed so many times it was hard to count, Jiro wasn't sure how much more adventure and danger he really wanted to deal with. After discovering his fraternal twin and mother in the same space of time, and his sister-in-law going through a miscarriage, Jiro had pretty much had his fill of anything that would cause his life more strife.

Then again, Alexander's middle name might as well have been strife.

Jiro gave his ex-boyfriend a noncommittal shrug, the offer not really taking up residence in his brain. Anyway, why would Alex want him around his lounge, anyway? Jiro had always been two or three rungs below Alex, Jiro doubted he belonged in any lounge the man mentioned or owned. Jiro freed his hands from his pockets again to slip the ring on and off his finger to give him something to do with his hands.

"I'm pretty sure you've seen my style of danger and adventure, Alex, and I'm pretty sure it wasn't quite up your alley," he said with a smile. He sighed, figuring he might as well humor the man, considering any extra time he could steal with Alexander would be treasured. "What kind of position?"

[Alexander Mirit]

"Bar tender." He said with a trace of innocence in his voice, unable to hide the crafty little quirk at the corner of his mouth. Obviously, there was more to it. One would think, without a doubt, that placing a spy under bar staff would be really quite an over done tactic. Easily expected. But one might also be shocked at how many new bloods were willing to spill their guts once a bit of very strong alcohol was kicked into their system. Too many of his enemies bestowed that precious information upon such people. Really, what he needed was a good listener. An informer. Someone he could trust. Quite frankly, there was no one he could trust more on this dratted planet; Save for Miss Kitty Cordel, of course. But she was already safely under his employ. There was no better way to control his weakness.

"And should you happen to over hear a bit of private information from the customers, I'd be inclined to offer for it. No more wandering the streets, picking off loose credit chips. There are apartments located beneath the lounge's main floor that are open to my employees, if you would be needing a better place to stay." He explained at length, as if the deal had already been signed and sealed. Alexander Mirit had this big problem with people who said no. Especially if he had his heart, that tainted thing with the shallow beating, set on them.

[Jiro Lawson]

Huh. A spy. An informant. That was just like Alex to ask Jiro to do that. Just like him to continue to explain it all as if Jiro had already said he would do it. Then again, Jiro had the hardest time saying no to Alex. It was a weird, annoying habit, to be able to refuse anyone else in the universe except this one person.

Jiro had to laugh, turning and walking out into the street a little, a cold breeze biting by him, chewing on his nose and cheeks, making them more red than they already were. His numb fingers fumbled and dropped the small silver band he had been playing with. It dropped with a light clanging sound, and before it had stopped rolling, Jiro reached down, picking it up and turning back to Alexander.

"Okay..." he said, sliding the ring back onto his finger. "So...anybody on Coruscant could do that."