Self Harming

[Oriadin]

Yesterday I found out that a close friend of mine was self harming. Im really worried about her as I know she is not having an easy time of things at the moment. After reading up on it a little and talking to her, I dont think she is seeking attention, but instead finds that self harming is her way to release the stress that she can't deal with mentally in her life.

I spoke to her yesterday about perhaps going to see a doctor and she wont do it. She said she doesnt want someone poking around into her business and knowing everything about her. She doesnt belive it will help. Im trying to be as sensitive as I can towards her but it is fustraiting because I want to help but basically dont know what to do. We've been the best of friends for about a year now, and she knows im always there for her but she just doenst like talking about anything that troubles or worries her. Does anyone here have any help or advice?

[Lilaena De'Ville]

I had a friend in college who was a cutter and she was friends with a few other girls who were also cutters. Well she didn't cut herself, but she would scratch herself to the point of blood and all that.

We talked about it all the time, and she'd agree that it was bad for her but she just couldn't help herself. I don't think she was doing it for attention either, she wouldn't flaunt her self inflicted wounds or anything like that. I was in your same boat, Ori, I didn't know what to do so I did what I could.

Which was, be as good of a friend as I could - be there for her, talk to her when she needed someone to talk to... She stopped hanging out with the other girls who were cutters (I didn't know them as well but they always seemed like 'fashionable' cutters to me, while my friend really had a psychological problem), and I would always tell her she needed to knock it off whenever she'd end up with a new wound on her arms (that or the back of her hand is where she'd scratch herself). She knew what I thought about it, and she also knew that our friendship wasn't dependant on her not hurting herself. If that makes sense.

I was supportive of her, but not of her self harming. Its important to be there for her, but not to seem like you're ok with her hurting herself. Don't be a jerk about it, but you don't want to enable her in this lifestyle.

After I left college my friend and I fell out of touch but we recently got back in touch and she's doing fantastic, and doesn't hurt herself anymore. So, a happy ending. :thumbup

[Oriadin]

I saw her yesterday and she cut herself again, in the same place as the day before. The worrying thing is its on her wrist and she even told me she scared herself over how much it bled. Im no good at stuff like this because any mention of blood and I feel like im going to pass out. She spoke to her superviser at work, who she trusts and has been given a number to call for support. Shes reluctant to call it though. She never discusses her feelings with anyone. She is incredibly shy and self contained. I dont think she is suicidal or anything but what if she cuts herself and it goes wrong??

I text her this morning to see how she was doing and she cut herself again, although this time at least it was in a different place. Im just worried that she might be in some serious need of help and quickly before she does herself some real damage. Im also worried that she wont go and talk to someone about it, and I cant put any pressure on her because it would probably make it worse. She knows im there for her, but its hard to just sit there when your friend is struggling with things so badly.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Yeah that is a very tough situation - my friend wasn't actually cutting, she was just hurting herself, so I wasn't worried about her accidentally bleeding to death.

I suppose that if you're seriously worried about her going too far (though it seems silly to worry about the degree of cutting oneself, when cutting is bad enough) you should go over her head and get her help. If she was suicidal you should certainly get her help whether she wants it or not.

Encourage her to call the number her supervisor gave her.

[Oriadin]

I will continue to encourage her. Yesterday I took her shopping and bought her a notebook, some pens and a couple of highlighters. I figured if she struggled to talk to people, perhaps writting it down would help. She likes to draw to clear her head and calm herself so I thought if she kept the book on her all the time, she can scribble stuff down, or use it as a scrap book or whatever!

I did a similar thing when I broke up with my girlfriend and I think it helps because I can read back and see how much ive changed since I first started it. Thoughts and feelings I had. Good days and bad. Helps put things in perspective and lets you release things you bottle up inside. Who knows if it will help but it has to be worth a try.