How do you tell your husband...

[Wyl Staedtler]

...That you're knocked up when both of you made it clear you didn't want kids, both of you just took out student loans to pay for school, both of you are already working two jobs just to pay the bills and he just said last week how happy he was that you'd decided not to complicate matters by settling down and starting a family?

This is so silly, I know, and I can't avoid telling him forever but I've known for... oh, I guess a week, and suspected for a couple more and he's still clueless and I can't keep lying by omission because I suck at it. I just don't know how to tell him. If I come right out with it he'll die and I can't afford the mortgage on my own. :(

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Oh man. ^_^;

I asked my husband and he says that if your husband is a football fan tell him during halftime when his favorite team is playing BUT ONLY if they're winning.

I think you can't go too far wrong with cooking his favorite meal to soften him up. And then just come clean. Make sure he knows that it was a total accident - you weren't trying to blindside him with a surprise - and half his fault. Well, don't use the word "fault" when discussing the pregnancy. But be honest, let him know whats going on.

If your husband is as great a guy as he sounds like from what you've said in the past, he SHOULD be able to get over this. If he leaves you over this you're better off without him.

My hubby also said you should make sure you cry too. ^_^;

[Wyl Staedtler]

He doesn't watch football. :(

He knows something is wrong though and I sent him an email today saying we needed to talk. I'm hoping that maybe he'll be so relieved that it's not a Dear John conversation that he'll cope. We can't do much about it now anyways.

Thank you, and thank your husband too.

[Arya Ravenwing]

You are most welcome. :hug I'll be praying for and thinking about you!!!

[Sanis Prent]

Start looking at your options. Don't just lay the news on him. Be prepared to give him contingencies. And although I hate to say it, you will have to look into major sacrifices. If you're having this much trouble scraping by, you may really need to think about one of you putting school off. Do you have relatives that can provide child care?

[Wyl Staedtler]

Either of our families would do it in a heartbeat, though neither of us would consider asking unless all of our options were exhausted.

I'll probably end up postponing school, seeing as how I've only just started and he's two years into it. We ended up fighting last night because I'd told him we needed to talk then panicked and said I needed to sort some things out before we did. He, rightfully, jumped to conclusions and it all ended badly with things said that weren't meant to be said and him sleeping downstairs.

I can always take on some massage clients, during the afternoons when I'm not at one of my jobs. That might help. If we hadn't bought a house we'd be alright but then again, we hadn't planned on getting roped in with a kid. It'll work out somehow, I know, it's just the legwork that bites. >.<

[Loklorien s'Ilancy]

I had to think about this last night cause I didn't know what best to reply with when I first read it, and to be honest I still don't.

About all I can offer is to try and not get overwhelmed. Don't think it's entirely your fault, because it's not. Try not to think the worst of him though, in terms of dealing with the news; who knows, he might just surprise you. Sometimes people react in the completely opposite way when told such life-altering news, and despite what he'd said last week, he might think differently when he finds out that he's going to be a father.

I don't want to give you any false hopes in how he'll react, but just remember that there are other possibilities rather than simply 'doom and gloom'.

He made a vow to be with you no matter what, and this is just one of those times where his word is going to be tested. There'll be hard times, and no one said marriage was easy. The same goes for kids, but at the same time the reward is something that there's no substitute for.

Just don't get too down about this :hug

[Oriadin]

I would sit him down and tell him outright. Now, he may flip out because that can be quite a shock to the system so be understanding towards him. On the same level he has to be understanding towards you. Let him know your worried and scared about it too. The longer you leave it the more difficult it'll be to bring up and the longer you have to deal with this alone. He is your husband, your partner and your best friend. You should be there for one another if your worried about something and from what you've said you both will be.

In my experience, nothing in life is as bad as you imagine it could be. Not knowing how someone might react, is worse than them flying off the handle because as soon as that happens, you can get to work in sorting out what your going to do and what changes you have to make.

Also, as mentioned above he might take it well. I concur with the statement above with you crying. Do the crying as you tell him! If he has the wrong end of the stick about why you want to talk to him, perhaps you being pregnant will be much better news than he was expecting?

Tell him, dont leave it any longer than you need to and im sure you will be fine. Good luck! :)

[JMK]

Here's how you do it:

1 - Tell him you're pregnant...initially, bad news. He turns white like a sheet.

2 - Then tell him it's not his kid...first: anger. Then: relief...it's not his to look after.

3 - Then when you tell him that you were joking. He'll be so glad that you didn't two-time him that he'll be ecstatic about the wee one!

Ok, so it's not such a good plan, but I was trying to come up with something *unconventional* because the good folks here have already basically told you what you need to know.

If it were me, and my gf were preggers and didn't know how to tell me, I'd hope she'd cook me my favorite meal, pop in Empire Strikes Back and cross her fingers. Maybe I'd take the news well, maybe I wouldn't. But that gives her the best chance of me not passing out and falling out of an open window.

[Kraehe Branwen]

I wish I was in your shoes. :\ I've been trying to get pregnant. But since you were trying not to, then you should calmly tell him that despite all the plans you two made and how much you wanted not to be pregnant, it happened and discuss what the two of you want to do. I personally don't believe in abortion or any of the sort, but he may bring it up so decide on how you stand on the matter and think about what you'll say if he does bring it up.

And since the two of you are working two jobs, if you do decide to keep the baby then maybe you can sign up for medicaid? Plus there is always WIC to help out with the food you'll need during and after the pregnancy.

It all depends on what kind of guy he is really... If hes a nice stand up guy he'll take it like a man. If he's a childish jerk then he won't. I've survived a childish jerk that didn't want our son and I survived, so don't give up hope if things don't turn out. A child can really show you a person's true colors sooner so that you don't get caught later on regretting it.

And if it makes you feel better, I can assure you that it'll be nothing like what happened when my ex found out I was pregnant. He's the only man in the world that would literally throw a temper tantrum. Your guy seems to be more mature than that, so don't worry about how he'll react. Sure, he might not be happy but you two can figure things out together.

[Wyl Staedtler]

I told him. I'm really not sure what's going to happen but he's been on the phone a lot with his younger brother, which is either a) good, because Rawden often has a calming effect on Ben and really, really likes us as a couple or b) awful, because Rawden is more liable to spook than Ben.

We aren't sleeping in separate rooms anymore, though we've both kept busy to avoid each other. Which is fine since we both need space to come to terms with this. I think it's going to be okay.

[Dasquian Belargic]

:hug I hope everything turns out for the best.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

:hug I hope everything turns out for the best.
Ditto! :hug I'm glad things are at least ok for the moment. :)

[Jedieb]

First off, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! This is a blessed event, and after the initial shock, that's what both you and your husband are going to realize. Don't get hung up on the short term problems. Money problems are secondary, you've got a bundle of joy on the way and it's going to completely change and dominate your life. This is a good thing. Tell your hubby as soon as possible and deal with your anxiety right now. The quicker you pull this minor bandaid off the quicker you and your husband can begin to enjoy your first pregnancy!

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Jedieb knows, he's got... three little ones? I can't remember. ^_^; But yes, I didn't say it before, but congratulations. :)

[Kraehe Branwen]

I'm glad to hear he took it well. You're very lucky to have him. And I hope things run smoothly for the two of you. :) It may seem like things are going to be impossible now but once you take a look at that little face it won't matter how hard things get. Everytime I feel like I'm about to cry because of real life stress, I go into my son's room and just seeing his smile or his peaceful sleeping expression makes me feel so much better. Children are so precious and you don't realize how much you can love someone else until the baby is actually there and in your arms.