Work

[Park Kraken]

Ok so about a month ago I went to a class and got a class "D" security license, unarmed, and went to work immediatley. Right now I work 6AM-6PM Saturday and Sunday, and various 13-hour graveyard shifts during the weekdays. So I am working as a Security Enforcement Officer, and I won't be on as often.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Have fun while working. :) Don't shoot anyone in the eye with your flashlight. ;)

[Loklorien s'Ilancy]

Holly's right. You've got to hit them over the head with it :)

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Yes, blinking someone to death is actually impossible, unless they have seizures.

[Sanis Prent]

Good luck. I'm not too sure about the unarmed thing. I don't know what the purpose in having security guards who aren't armed is :\ stay safe!

[Lilaena De'Ville]

True - if you fell over, how would you get up again, with no arms??

[Khendon Sevon]

It's all good, they taught you some super secret martial arts to compensate, right? ...right?

[Ryan Pode]

You should invest in at least a 2.5 million candle power personal spotlight. It is an effective non-lethal weapon.

[Khendon Sevon]

Or invest in some nun-chucks... that's right, no one will bother you if you have two sisters on a rope!

[Lilaena De'Ville]

I thought chucking nuns was illegal!

[Loklorien s'Ilancy]

Gopher-chuks are cooler though. Get some of those.

[Park Kraken]

"unarmed" means no fire-arms allowed, which means we can still carry mace, wooden sticks, and 50-lb solid steel flashlights. And yes, we were taught some techniques. I plan to use the one where you get to stick one of your hands up the person's butthole if needed.

[Byl Laprovik]

Does your company provide your less-than-lethal weaponry? Do they cover expenses? If you need any help with that, let me know. I can show you some things that you might find useful.

[Khendon Sevon]

Originally posted by Park Kraken
I plan to use the one where you get to stick one of your hands up the person's butthole if needed.

Uhhh... why wouldn't you just punch him in the nose, throat, or temple?


I don't even wanna' know.

[Ryan Pode]

Now 'ere we 'ave the worlds most dangerous croc' an jus' to <smallfont color={hovercolor}>-Censored-</smallfont> i' off I'm gonna shove my thumb up its butt.

[Loklorien s'Ilancy]

I thought of that same exact thing. Lord I love South Park.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Swear filter. Tsk tsk.

[Park Kraken]

Because it's part of a take-down technique that leaves the person lying face down on the ground with you over them, bending one arm to it's breaking point behind their backs and putting your full weight with one knee into the small of their back. The grabbing of the butt is used to grab hold of something to where you can propel them forward onto the ground.

[Loklorien s'Ilancy]

You know what else the butt is good for?

Absorbing lightning. Or so I've been told.

[Khendon Sevon]

or you could do a neck-cranker and kick them in the back of the leg while putting forward weight on them, or you could pull back on their neck and sweep a leg, or you could do one of ten thousand things that are less risqu'e than your silly butt tactic.

:)

But, all to their own.

[Ryan Pode]

Originally posted by Lilaena De'Ville
Swear filter. Tsk tsk.

Didn't know that word was in it.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

NOW YOU KNOW!

And knowing is half the battle.

GO JOE!

p.s. I think you should only grab their actual butt if they aren't like, wearing pants. Otherwise I think a belt or the back of their jeans would work fine for tossing them around.

Incidentally for a skit once I was swung around like that. His hand was not in my buttocks. And then I rolled down some stairs.