No Probalo! (Open)

[Joda Cardgage]

It was a sunny day on the Ithorian City-ship Tafara. It was nearing midday, and the city was a bustle of activity - with the exception of one small, inconspicuous building. An old, hand-painted wooden sign hung above the door, announcing its message to the crowd in dusty, muffled tones:


Joda Cardgage:
Mortgages
Used Speeders

Inside the old, musty shop, Joda Cardgage sat at his antiquated wooden desk, loudly munching on a half-melted chocolate bar. Scattered throughout the room were several small office cubicles, inside which sat Joda's many "handsome talkin' experts." They were as much a figment of his imagination as was the woman who stood before him now.

"No probalo, Balindas!" Joda's voice was old and scratchy, just like everything else in the abandoned apartment that he called a "store." Reaching up, he scratched his goatee. "We can give you a free canceltation. Just come on over and talk to one of our talkin' expert people."

Standing, Joda took hold of a small grocery bag that had been laying on his desk and began to walk toward the back end of the thoroughly empty apartment building, leaving the half-eaten chocolate bar on the desk; it was time to check out some tremendous savings action in the used speeder department. Pulling his sleeping bag from the storage space of the only speeder he had in stock - over thirty years old now, and completely unusable - he began to unroll it, sitting his old grocery bag on the ground for use as a pillow.

Just as he was about to lay down, a soft whistle drew his attention. Glancing across the room, he saw a single figure walking through the door. What gender or species was anyone's guess - the figure was silhouetted by light from Ithor's sun. Standing back up, Joda squinted to make out the figure.

"Oh, a customer. I havnat seen one of those in years." Making his way back to the front of the store, he picked up what remained of his chocolate bar, munching it very loudly as he walked toward the customer, stopping dangerously close to the silhouetted figure. The unmistakable smell of pea soup wafted through the air as Joda introduced himself.

"Goo' mornin', Victoria. Ahm Joda Cardgage with Joda Cardgage's Speeders and Mort-gages. Would you like a free canceltation with one of our handsome talkin' experts here? We can help you get a leg up on that pile thing there."

[Juney Briggs]

Juney Briggs, fourteen years old and living out on the streets. Well, it was better than living in a house with his parents. At least out on the streets no one could tell him what to do, and he had learned a few tricks while he was out there. A few things about the trade.

He was wiry and fast, standing up at almost five foot two inches, with his ruffled blonde hair and his emerald green eyes, he looked like something out of the movies. His tattered shirt was starting to droop off his body. His jeans were even worse off, with a hole in the knee, and one starting to develop in the seat, showing his lack of purchase of under garments. Oh well, maybe if all went well he could steal clothes from this guy.

Juney stepped into the room, having read the sign and looking around, he saw that there was really nothing in here. A bunch of old boxes were stacked up making desks, and a half eaten candy bar sitting on the edge of one of them. When the old man approached him, Juney looked up and smiled slightly, putting his hand over his mouth and trying to not stifle out a laugh.

He couldn't help but laugh at this mans sluggish appearance. It was simply hysterical. After all, it was just plain funny, an old man playing pretend in the sanctity of his own home. He just shook his head and stopped smiling long enough to start talking. He would have to remind himself of this whole situation later, while he was sitting in the corner of an alley somewhere. It was all just too funny.

"Yea, um. . ." a soft snicker came out through his lips, "listen, I live out on the streets, and well, I was just looking for a place to stay tonight. See, I'm an orphan, my parents died some time ago, and well, I just don't have anywhere else to go. Is there any way you would take me in good sir?" Juney did his best to put on a pouty, saddened expression. After all, he was trying to guilt someone into letting him stay with them for an evening.

[Joda Cardgage]

"No probalo, Jennifer. Jus' step righ' this way and get some vera low prices."

Joda walked toward the back of the apartment building again, still chewing his chocolate bar noisily. The boy didn't follow at first. Instead, he merely scratched his head, the awkwardness of the situation obviously getting to him. Nevertheless, Joda stopped at the broken speeder, holding one arm out to display it.

"This is our best-of-the-day speeder thingy. We can rent or sell it to you for a good time mort-gage applicatory, or maybe a blaster racket. Those are good things, right?"

With that, Joda dropped to the floor, curling up in his sleeping bag. No one could stand to talk to him for more than four seconds, so this boy had probably left already.

15 years alone in the Ithorian Jungle made for a very sketchy, if not mentally unstable, individual.

[Juney Briggs]

Juney watched as the man curled up into the speeder and fell asleep. What an odd little man, he was a little crazy to boot. Juney felt that sleeping here would do him no good, seeing as how Joda was a tad bit insane. He felt a little insulted but what Joda had done, and as such, delivered a swift kick into his thigh.

The kick connected with full force, hopefully waking up the silly little man.

"Wake up!" He said as put his hands on his side. When he saw the old man start to stumble he remembered he had called him something that wasn't his name, so he placed his hands behind his back and put on his innocent face again. Maybe the old man wouldn't think that he had kicked him. Juney didn't mind causing a little mischief to get what he needed, but in this case, he could cover it up.

"I think something from the top shelf fell sir. Are you alright, can I get you anything?" Juney smiled sweetly and tried to give the man his best pout. Juney was planning on at least getting some food out of this deal. Maybe he would steal some cash, honestly, the guy did sell speeders, surely he had some money. Juney had all the intention of finding what it was that he really wanted in life, this was just a pit stop.

[Joda Cardgage]

Joda hadn't even fallen asleep yet when something hard and pointy poked him in the side. Reverting to instinct, buried by nearly twenty years of unuse, he spun into a combat stance. Reaching to his belt, he pulled up a pair of slender metal objects - they appeared to be antique flashlights. With a flip of a switch, they erupted with a double snap-hissss, casting a glow on the room in odd shades of blue and green.

"Ahh! Elisagerth!"

Shaking off the sudden shock, he deactivated the flashlight sabers and reclipped them to his belt. Scratching his head, he glanced up to the top shelf, from where, appearantly, something had attacked him.

"Absoposly not, ma'am. The top shelf is like a little dog, or maybe a shelf."

He looked back down at the little boy. Wait. There was a little boy here? He leaned down for a closer look, lowering his glasses for a good view. Yes, there was a boy here.

"Goo' mornin', Valerie. Ahm Joda Cardgage with Joda Cardgage's Speeders and Mort-gages. Would you like a free canceltation with one of our handsome talkin' experts here? We can help you get a leg up on that pile thing there."

For some reason, he had the strangest feeling that he had just said that.

[Juney Briggs]

Juney watched as the man sprung into a battle stance and pulled out the metal cylinders from his belt. For a moment, Juney thought he was in serious trouble. He didn't know what exactly to do, but he rolled his eyes, seeing as how Joda was now just repeating himself.

"Look," he said to the old man, "you're repeating yourself, you realize that?" He rolled his eyes again, and thought to himself.

Prolly not, the old man didn't even realize I was here until now.

"By the way, my name is Juney, not Valerie. I'm looking for a place to crash for the night." He was tired of playing games with the old man, either his problem was going to get fixed or Juney was going to have to attempt to knock him out.

"How long have you been out here anyways?" He looked around the room, seeing how much in disarray it was. This man was obviously not healthy, why Juney was still here was a mystery even to him.

[Bloodcrest]

Marcus Fey, a middle-aged man with a reputation as rugged as his three-day old beard, walked slowly down the street, turning both ways as he searched for what he was looking for. At thrity-eight years, he had seen more than most people had in their entire lifetimes, but then, most people didn't dedicate their entire lives to treasure hunting.

He stood at 5'9 with the air of self-confidence most people lost when they turned twenty. His short cut brown hair, a little messy right now because he had spent the last few hours sleeping on a piece of junk disguised as a ship from his last stop, matched completely with brown eyes that, together, made it possible to look like a native from most planets. With no accent to speak of, he did nothing that someone unskilled or untraveled would be able to recognize as particular to any kind of planetary heritage.

He brushed his black leather vest off absently as he finally stopped and smiled. He had found what he was looking for. Marcus started towards the small apartment that someone or another had given him directions to while looking for someone experienced with the Ithorian jungles. He slowed as he saw some kid walk in. Carefully and as silently as possible, he creeped up to the doorway and watched the scene unfold before him. From what he heard, the older man inside, supposedly the man he was looking for, was clearly insane or mentally unstable. He watched as the kid kicked the old man who looked as though he was about to fall asleep.

Marcus was amazed when he saw the man become instantly alert with a look in his eye that held untold battle experience. Marcus wondered what exactly the two flashes of metal he saw in the man's hands were, but casually dismissed them as junk most likely. He watched as the the old man repeated himself before walking across the street to sit in one of the alleys there. He would wait for the kid to leave and then confront the older man whom he had been told was the most likely to know the exact location of his next target.

[Joda Cardgage]

Joda scratched his head in mild confusion. Who was this boy again?

"My right name is a place to crash tonight, Sarah Lee. Ah've been here for lots o' goo' years."

Waving the boy toward the front of the store, he began munching his chocolate bar again.

"Jus' come on over here, Melinda. We'll talk to one of our handsome talkin' experts here. We have home lawns, VCR's, or you can ge' your degree."

The boy probably didn't understand what Joda was saying. Joda probably didn't understand what he was saying, for that matter. Nevertheless, that was Joda's way of... well, not saying no.

[Juney Briggs]

Juney listened to the old man continue to ramble on and let out a sigh, the air travelling upward and ruffling up his bangs. He just looked at the old man, still rolling his eyes.

Whether or not the man had said that Juney could stay there, he didn't care. But now, Juney was going to get the old man for everything he's worth. Hopefully the man had some money that Juney could take, but if not, well, then Juney would just take some food. It didn't matter to him, it was all the same. He would find something he could sell he was sure.

Juney started rummaging through his things, looking for any valuables, money, food, clothes, anything really. The old man didn't seem to care too much what he did, as long as Juney played along with his little game.

"Uh-huh old man, I'm Melinda. You're right, good ole' Melinda. Hey, I think I just heard someone at the door, maybe you should go check up on them!"

Juney was just trying to get the old coot to leave the room so he could take full advantage of getting everything he could from it. Juney wasn't lying too badly either, honestly, he had heard someone at the door, but they'd walked off. If all else failed in here, Juney could just pick pocket whoever was outside.

[Joda Cardgage]

Joda scratched his head again, moving to where Juney was rummaging through an empty box. Munching especially loudly on his chocolate bar, he stood right behind the boy, almost touching him, all the while making especially loud smacking noises.

"No probalo, Janimeth. I can check on the door righ' now."

He didn't move. The incredibly pugnant oder of pea soup began to fill Juney's nostrils as Joda continued to watch over his houlder.

[Juney Briggs]

Juney slowly pulled his head up from the box as he felt the mans hips brush against his back. His face went red from embarrassment and he stood straight up, turning around and lightly pushing the man away from him.

"I said go check the door. There's someone there." He couldn't help but huff at the old man's stupidity. He had seen some crazy people in his life, but this guy took the cake. As a matter of fact, Juney didn't know if he was getting a little scared or not. He just went back to rummaging through the box.

"And by the way," he asked, "can you please chew a little lighter on that chocolate? It's not like it's a jawbreaker." Under his breath, Juney let out a sigh and softly spoke again, "Jeez, you would think the guy had a little common sense."

[Joda Cardgage]

It was another thirty seconds of abnoxious munching before Joda finally walked to the door. When he got there, he opened it, walking on out of the building and straight across the crowded street. Without any need to deviate from his course or current pace, he made his way safely through the heavy speeder traffic - though you might not say the same about the speeders, several of which had been driven off the road so as not to hit the old man.

Without even noticing the catastrophe behind him, Joda kept his path perfectly straight, ever munching on the chocolate bar - he was taking very small bites. After a moment, he found himself at the end of an alley. A rugged-looking man sat there, but Joda merely passed him up. After walking another few steps, he stopped, looking down at someone who obviously wasn't there.


"Goo' mornin', Gracie. Ahm Joda Cardgage with Joda Cardgage's Speeders and Mort-gages. Would you like a free canceltation with one of our handsome talkin' experts here? We can help you get a leg up on that pile thing there."

As he spoke, he gestured around himself. Obviously, he had neglected to notice the absence of a "store" here.

[Bloodcrest]

Marcus sat where he was for a moment trying to figure out what had jsut happened. He had been watching, waiting for that kid to leave when suddenly the door had opened. At first he had been ready to get up thinking it was finally the kid leaving. Then he saw 'Joda', or whatever the older man's name was supposed to be. Because Joda sounded closest to what his last contact had said, he decided it was Joda.

Joda was walking straight towards him. Thinking that maybe the whole insanity thing was a coverup and that Joda had been told Marcus was coming, Marcus stood up and held out his hand. Joda walked right past him. Marcus laughed to himself as he realized what happened. He turned around and saw Joda talking to himself again as though he was back in the apartment.

He tried anyways, "Uh, excuse me, Joda was it? I uh..." Marcus thought for a moment, "I was wondering, could I uh buy a speeder? See I'm looking to go exploring down on the planet and I need a good speeder."

Marcus felt ridiculous doing this, but he had done worse and dumber before living up to his reputation of willing to do "anything" to get whatever treasure he was trying to find.

[Joda Cardgage]

Joda turned around. There was someone here, too.

"Oh, hello, Jessie. We have a goo' deal for you today. Don't let another minute go you by before you ge' one of our handsome speeder things! Just step over to this place here."

Joda began walking back toward the apartment, but stopped at the end of the alley, holding his arm out over the sidewalk as if displaying his newest speeder.

"This is our best-of-the-day value. You doe not want to miss out on this grea' opportunity! An' if you're goin' to the fores', you should tal' with one of our handsome talkin' experts over there." He gestured toward one of the alley's graffiti-ridden walls. "Ah was 15 years in the jungle one time."

[Bloodcrest]

Now they were getting somewhere. "Really? 15 years you say? Did you have a good speeder with you because I was looking to buy one. Any tips you'd like to share for transversing the jungle?" He knew he would probably get nowhere with this, but he felt that it would be a waste to leave this strange man without being absolutely sure that he could do nothing to help Marcus.

[Joda Cardgage]

Joda merely stared into space for several moments. Just as the stranger was about to walk away, though, he spoke.

"Ah haven' sold a speeder in lots o' good years, Jessica, but you won' need one in the fores'. There's lots o' trees down there, an' vines."

It was almost as if, just for a moment, his mind had managed to piece things into reality. He turned, this time looking straight at the man.

"Ah got these two goo' swords here. Ah can help you get a leg up in the fores', Hillary."

His speech was still less than sensical, but the memories of the forest had, to some degree, brought his mind back to Ithor. How long it would stay there was anyone's guess.

[Bloodcrest]

Swords? The question was the first thing that ran through his mind. He looked the old man straight in the eye and he saw something that had not been there before. The man no longer had the look of insanity in his eye. He was slightly focused; as if talking of the jungle had brought him some sanity. But what he said did not match up with the look in his eye. Swords? The last time he had seen something that could be classified as a sword, he had been holding the ceremonial kris of some tribe that had long been extinct...that had caught a hefty price on the historical artifacts market.

"Swords you say? Would you mind if I saw these...swords?" He may not need to go down to the planet after all. He may have enough treaure right here. "And what good would a sword do in a jungle anyways?"

[Juney Briggs]

Juney huffed his hair out of his eyes as he dug through the old mans things, looking for something to sell or keep. He found nothing. No clothes, no money, no food(except for candy bars). . .it was like this guy never did anything. After looking through a few more drawers, Juney started his walk outside, and as he did, something caught his eye.

There, perched on the old mans desk, in plain view, was a small bag of money. Juney picked it up and opened the bag up, pulling it's drawstrings. There must've been at least 500 credits in that bag! That was plenty to sneak off to some other planet. A smile etched across his face, and a boyish chuckle left his lips. Tying the bag to his hip and heading for the door, Juney felt as though he had accomplished something.

As he stepped out of the door, he saw the old man talking with another old guy. Juney called out to Joda, "Hey Joda, you old coot! Thanks for the credits!" When Joda and the man turned around, all they saw was the tanned flesh of Juney's rear end. Juney let out a hard laugh and pulled his pants back up, and began running to get out of their reach. He smiled as he turned the corner of an alley, breathing a little heavier. He tossed the bag of credits in the air and caught it.

"We steal, we pillage, we plunder and take. . ." with a cocky grin on his lips, Juney casually said the last line, "Yo ho, a pirates life for me."

[Joda Cardgage]

Joda stood in silence for a moment as he watched Juney running from his store, hands tightly grasping a bag of chocolate coins Joda had been munching on. The boy was taking his chocolate! Something had to be done.

He looked back at the ambitious treasure hunter.

"Excardon me for a momen', ma'am."

With his grocery bag still in tote, he slunked off, walking calmly around the corner of the apartment building and out of sight.

--------------------

"We steal, we pillage, we plunder and take.... Yo ho, a pirates life for me."

The boy had reached the opposite end of the alley by the time Joda turned the corner. Looking back, the boy was undoubtedly prepared to yell back some taunt or other, but stopped short - Joda Cardgage was no where to be seen. Nevertheless, the boy kept running. He turned the corner, only to find Joda emerging from behind one of the bushes that lined the streets of Tafara.

"Hello, Beverly. Ah can give you a great deal on givin' me that chocolate."

How he had gotten there was anyone's guess.

[Juney Briggs]

Juney stopped dead in his tracks and fell on his butt. He shook his head and wiped his eyes. This couldn't be, that guy was that quick?! Juney smiled when he said chocolate and he pulled out one of the coins.

"Fraid not old man, this is real," he bit into one of the coins as a small spray of melted chocolate went into his mouth, ". . .chocolate." He threw the bag at the old mans feet, "There ya go ya old windbag. Look old man, you know a place where I can get some credits to get out of here?"

He sighed, maybe he would never get off this accursed place, but for he prayed that he would, and hopefully soon.