The endless circle of time (LV)

[Sasha Kovalev]

Rash. He had made so many rash decisions in his life. But he had also made some very thoughtful, well thought out, well reasoned decisions. And as he considered the decisions he had made over his life time, he could easily recall some of the more foolish ones – trusting Feliciana, for example – and some of the more intelligent ones.

And one of those, he truly believed, was his departure from the Sith Order. Sasha had chosen to leave to follow his Uncle. A kid who had never known his family and sought always for the guidance of a father figure, following his Uncle had been something that had been a necessary step at the point in life that he had taken it. Following his Uncle to the Black Hand, and then on to Balmorra to continue his training with Maester Wargrave.

There was no doubt in his mind that those had been things he had needed to do.

Wargrave was still his master, but…well, Sasha had allowed his anger to get the best of him one evening, and he had allowed words to pass through his lips that he would forever regret. His master had offered to teach him swordsmanship of the old style of blades. And Sasha, in a foul mood over his fiancée cheating on him, had retorted that he would certainly be interested in learning about swordsmanship. He’d want nothing more than to understand the skill that had made his father leave him and his mother.

And Wargrave, who was (though unknown to Sasha) Sasha’s father, who had not chosen swords over his family, but rather had done what was necessary at the time to save his family, had never forgiven his pupil.

And Sasha had never forgiven Wargrave for not accepting his apology.

And with both of them so much alike – so stubborn and unyielding, well, it had given Sasha reason to search.

To search for the style that truly fit him. And with all the anger he could feel inside, he knew it was not on Balmorra that he would find the answers that he would need. His uncle would never be able to train him. And Wargrave…well, perhaps one day he and Sasha would come head to head once again. But for now, Sasha knew that it was not Wargrave who could help him to guide the anger within.

It was….a master of long ago. It was Lady Vader. His devotion to her had run deep – to the point that he had cut off his own hand upon her bidding to prove to her his respect and his loyalty. As his ship landed upon the earth of Corellia, that hand flexed, and a small smile might have tugged at the corners of his lips.

It was…it was like returning home.

Only different.

Because he knew Lady Vader to be a woman of her word – and he knew her to have a hatred of Dark Jedi. He wasn’t sure he would call himself such right now. He wasn’t sure there was anything that could define what he was.

And that was perhaps why he had come….here. Home? Come to where it had all begun. Whatever you would call that right now.

He did not doubt she would feel his presence. He made no effort to hide it. There was no hiding from Lady Vader, despite how much stronger he might have become over the years. And as he returned to the Outpost, he could not help but feel conflicting emotions. There was no doubt that he looked forward to seeing her. But he could not ignore the small feeling that reminded him that she might not look upon him as she once had.

He could recall their conversation as he had asked for her blessing to part ways. He could recall, even, his last conversation with Shenraun, his last visit before he had passed through the doors of the Order to pursue what was calling him.

“You have forseen this moment.” He commented to the seemingly empty room. But there was no doubt…he could feel her presence there.

(ooc: hope youre ok with the last part, if not let me know and Ill edit. Just trying to move things along, I know you don’t have a whole lot of time)

[Lady Vader]

The Outpost was a place where outworlders and potential recruitees came to have audiences with members of the Sith Order. It was a well guarded facility, armed to the teeth and a good ways away from Coronet proper and the Palace that shadowed the city.

LV was indeed waiting for Sasha in the room, waiting for the wayward pupil to arrive. His presence had been unmistakable as he had enetered Corellian space, and it was only confirmed by traffic control when Sasha made no move to hide his identity. The platforms guns had been trained on him, but she had instructed space traffic control to let him pass.

Now she stood in the room, in the shadow of a doorframe opposite where Sasha had enetered. And she answered hia remark.

"Indeed." She took two steps forward, coming to stand in the light of the room. The room itself was sparse, save for a small table with a few chairs arond it. It was a meeting room at best.

Her single word was enough to send a cautious air towards Sasha. She didn't klnow who he was after having been gone so long and after having followed the Dark Jedi claiming to be his uncle.

The silence hung between them as they gazed at each other, measuring their strengths. It was for a brief moment that LV allowed her eyes to stray to Sasha's artifical hand, before looking back up at him. "Why have you come back?"

[Sasha Kovalev]

He was a different kid than the one that had left, and Lady Vader was wise, certainly, to question who he might be after the time that had passed. At a first glance, he was much the same. Just a bit older, perhaps, for he was now in his late twenties, pushing thirty, even, next year. His violet eyes were still bright and there was still an intensity to his gaze, but there was something more to his surface. Something a bit more….mature. He was still a young man, and one full of much anger and resentment, but there was an air of confidence about him that had maybe not been there the last time he and the Lady Vader had spoken.

On the surface, he was much the same. What could not be so easily visible was the experience the years had brought to him. He was a bit wiser, a bit more knowledgeable. He had continued his training throughout the years with Taylor Millard, and with Maester Wargrave and his presence in the force was significantly stronger than it had been those years ago when he had chosen to request his leave from the Order. Throughout all that he had done, his training had always remained a top priority, and he had worked hard to improve upon his skills. He had attended flight school as he had always wanted to do, and at University on Balmorra to boot. He had fallen in love, had his heart ripped from his chest, and found a way to go on. He had, for some time, had the family he had always longed for.

But something was still missing. There was much anger within Sasha. Anger directed at a father he had never known. A father he had known as a toddler, but could not remember and certainly could not know. There were too many questions left unanswered, and Taylor Millard and Wargrave had those answers and refused to let them be known to Sasha. This drove him insane with anger. To be treated like a child who was not old enough to understand something.

And so he had chosen to leave. Chosen to take that anger and return to a place where it was welcomed. Where anger was one of the keys to success. Where he had truly felt….well, where he had truly felt he had belonged.

Always, with his Uncles family, he had felt that he was a burden. Felt that he wasn’t living up to some unknown expectation. Always felt under scrutiny. Always felt that somehow, some way, for some reason, he did not measure up.

Was he quitting? To leave like that? Some might have thought so. Sasha chose instead to believe it was fate. To believe that there was a reason that the tide was pushing him away from Balmorra and toward a place he had once called a home. To a place that had taken him in and given him a place to call home.

Those violet eyes of his did not leave his former master. He looked to her not in boldness or challenge, but with full honesty. With the integrity that had always been a part of his core. And in the silence, he did not feel uncomfortable. He did not shift in discomfort. He remained stoic, remained calm, collected, and confident. And he had done as Lady Vader had done, perhaps, sought to measure her. Sought to measure the strength.

And he was not disappointed. Lady Vader was still the master he had parted ways with. And she, too, seemed stronger.

"Why have you come back?"

He had known she would ask this. And he could have prepared an answer. But she would have known. A part of her would likely have detected any sense of insincerity. And so rather than preparing a statement, he had chosen instead to speak to her from his heart, as he always had. He had never been dishonest with her, had never given her reason to doubt him.

He knew that his departure would now give her reason to doubt, perhaps, but destiny had a funny way of causing things to happen. And Sasha believed Lady Vader a wise enough woman to know that sometimes, some things just had to be done.

“Because right now this is where I need to be.” He replied quietly, without a sense of entitlement, but without any sense of groveling, either.

His left hand, the artificial limb flexed, his fingers briefly closing before they opened again. It was a reflex, perhaps, of memory. Being back on Corellia brought back so many memories, and an odd feeling of comfort, despite the potential for hostility. Sasha did not return here assuming anything. He did not assume, for instance, that he would be allowed into Corellian space. He’d had a pretty good feeling that he would be allowed - he did not doubt Lady Vader would at least be curious about his return, or anxious to put an end to a dark jedi, should he claim to be such a thing. And he most certainly did not assume that he would be welcomed back into the order. He understood that there would certainly be questions. And that it might not ever be a possibility. He had been made aware of this when he had left.

But he knew that returning would certainly not be a possibility if he did not ask. And that was why he had returned and sought out Lady Vader for a face to face conversation.

[Lady Vader]

LV continued to eye him, gauge him. "This is where you need to be?" She echoed his words.

"Tell me, Sasha... what makes you believe this is where you need to be." She corssed her arms over her chest, only a slight movement underneath her closed cloak. "From all accounts, you were quite willing to leave and follow in the steps of a Dark jedi... the bastardized, watered-down version of the Dark Side."

Her eyes narrowed to slits. "What makes you think that the Order will have you back after you left with all intentions of not coming back? You're loyalties can lie with only one side, Sasha. Even you are wise enough to know that."

[Sasha Kovalev]

Sasha would never have imagined that those simple words would be the end of it. Would never have assumed that just like that, everything would return to the way it had once been. Because he knew that it couldn’t. Life wasn’t that simple. It never was.
He listened to her as she spoke, faulting a decision he had once made, degrading a belief he had followed, and demanding to know why he felt he had any right to return.

Once upon a time, this would have triggered his temper. Perhaps not with Lady Vader, but with anyone else who would dare to demand such things of him. Today, standing there, he was a bit more mature, a bit more tempered. And he could now, in his maturity, understand why she had every right to ask these questions of him.

His hands remained as they were, calmly at his sides, but for a brief moment, his gaze left his former masters and flickered away. Perhaps there was a sadness deep within those intense eyes of his that he did not wish for her to see. A sadness that she couldn’t not inherently understand the decisions he had made. A sadness that a master who once trusted him as she had would question him now.

But then he turned back to her.

"You know why I left, Lady Vader. I came to you and sought your approval to leave. I explained to you the reasons why – that to continue my life here was to be living a lie and you yourself agreed that to live that way was not the wisest thing.”

He gave a rueful smile.

“And yes, you did warn me that leaving was not the wisest thing either. But at the time that was what I needed to do. To remain here without testing the waters to determine what was right would have made me stagnant. And it would have made me a terrible example of a Sith, as well.”

He did not miss the way her eyes narrowed at him and he chose his words carefully.

“I left because my loyalties could not remain true here. And now that I have had a chance to be away to learn, to grow, to understand more about the force and my beliefs about it, Ive had a chance to figure out where I need to be. Where I want to be.”

He sighed softly and looked away for a moment, his gaze coming back to his master a moment later.

“You should know me well enough at the core, Lady Vader, to know that I would not return without my loyalties being my own to pledge to the order. I would not have come back were those not my intentions. And Ive come with no assumptions that I would be welcome. I would not pretend to think I can come and go from the Order as I please. You should know that, for I gave you all the respect I could in asking your blessing to leave. And now I have come to ask for your permission to return.”

His violet eyes looked to her, something in them still so reflective of the young pupil he had once been.

“And perhaps even more boldly, Ive come to ask for your guidance.”

[Lady Vader]

LV mulled his words over. His eyes spoke no mallice, and though he was stronger, he was not yet as strong as her. He was being earnest. Yet, that did not take away the wariness she felt.

"Sasha, I do not doubt your senserity. However, you also understand why i must be cautious."

She bore her eyes into his. "You may have my guidance. But as to entrance once again to the Order... you will be under a probationary period, it's time span to be determined by when the Elders and I see fit to make you a full member again."

"Those are the conditions I lay before you."

[Sasha Kovalev]

Under the circumstances, Sasha considered the offer by Lady Vader to be fair. He did not like the idea of a probationary period, for it only reminded him of the oppressiveness of his relationship with his Uncle and Maester Wargrave back on Balmorra, but there was little that could be done. Those were the terms and he knew he was fortunate enough to receive them, even as they were.

And besides, perhaps what he sought the most – the guidance of Lady Vader – had been given. And that did not have a probationary period attached to it. That was hers to give without the approval of the Order, and she had given it. That in itself was enough for Sasha, for he knew she had not been pleased with his departure before. To agree to mentor him once again was….well it seemed to him that it was forgiveness, if she was capable of such things.

He did not answer her immediately. He did not jump eagerly and without thinking onto making the decision. Instead he took a moment to weigh her words, to give them the consideration due before simply flippantly making a decision.

And then slowly, he nodded in acceptance.

“I accept the conditions you have offered, Lady Vader.” He finally replied. This answer was the answer of a man, not of a boy, not of a student.

“I further accept the challenge of proving to the elders and to you, that my intentions are trustworthy.”

Violet eyes displayed his sincerity. He knew this would not be an easy task. It was the nature of the Sith to be unforgiving, and he did not doubt many would wish to challenge him and cause him to go through trials to prove not only his worth but his dedication and loyalty.

But he was prepared for this. He would not have returned unprepared.

And while he was looking forward to beginning this quest, this new journey, he had also learned patience enough to know that there were things that needed to be out of the way before he could ask about the things he truly wanted to ask about – Lady Vader herself, Shenraun, and the source of his desire to return – an anger beneath the surface that refused to be quelled.

“Are there other conditions or requirements to be place upon my return?” He asked, not impetuously, but perhaps with a businesslike tone that might have carried reflections of his uncle, for they were, afterall, related.

[Lady Vader]

"Perhaps one more." She let her arms come unfolded from over her hcest to rest once more at her sides. "Because of this 'propationary period', you will be followed by a guard of my choosing through out the Palace."

Sahsa's face didn't show any movement, but she felt his conciousness sour ever so slightly. "You must understand, Sasha, that because you left to follow those we oppose, and suddenly to come back, we must take precautionary measures." She tilted her head. 'Had our positions been switched, you would be doing the same to safe guard what you have built... you home."

[Sasha Kovalev]

A guard. Was this to be Balmorra all over again? Not that he’d had a guard following him, necessarily, but everything he did had been reported back to his uncle. And access was always limited unless he revealed identification – no matter how many times he had passed through familiar points. It was perhaps why it had never felt like home to him – having to show identification to walk into the place where his bedroom existed.

His expression had remained stoic, but as Lady Vader explained, he had looked away, shaking his head maybe the slightest bit and allowing the smallest smirk of displeasure. But then he turned back to Lady Vader and finally, slowly nodded in acceptance.

“If that is what you wish.” He answered. He voice maybe carried a hint of resentment, for he did not like feeling this distrust from Lady Vader, but he had no choice but to accept her conditions and to know that some day, perhaps, he would once again gain her trust.

But his mind was also working – questioning and forever a student.

“Is there something in the future you can foresee that has you concerned about my presence here?” This was not asked defensively, for he had put aside now the annoyance with the request. He had nothing to hide. And instead his question was asked as if he wished to be prepared for his future – for she had foreseen his departure and his return. Perhaps there was something more that he saw, and this had him somewhat puzzled, for truly, his intentions were not betrayal of the Order.

But he’d also seen others return – and they had not been followed by a guard – so he could not help but wonder why she would insist upon this. He could understand the reasoning she had given him – he definitely could – but did she honestly consider him a risk to her home? Or was this a subtle form of payback for having left in the first place?

[Lady Vader]

LV shook her head, a sad smile ever so slightly visible on her lips. "No. I feel you are sensere when you say you have come back and have nothing else to do with the Dark Jedi."

She spread her hands. "Dark thngs are approaching us fast on the horizon; things that we will not be able to obliterate. But we will be able to stop it."

"It's not so much you or where you're coming from, as it is the security protocals we are taking to ensure nothing goes amiss." She looked at him earnestly. "Think of this not as a burden, but as a way to show us you mean to help the Order."

"I promise you... you won't even know the escort is there. The being I have in mind has a nack for being unseen and un heard. He won't be in your way."

[Sasha Kovalev]

If nothing else, it was a partial relief to hear her say that it was not where he was coming from or where he might be going. It was not something she foresaw. He had been working on these skills, certainly, but he was not one who necessarily believed as much in the power to foresee, at least, not in his abilities to do it. But others...others he knew did have this gift.

And Lady Vader was one of them.

Her suggestion of the one to follow him being subtle and out of the way made him curious. He raised an eyebrow in question.

There was a guess in mind, but he couldn’t be sure. Not after…not after all of this time away.

“Is it someone I know?” He asked, accepting the fact that like it or not, he was to have an escort. The idea of that escort being someone who would not be so noticeable did tend to ease his annoyance a bit – for that would allow him the freedom to go about his business without a constant reminder of the lack of faith and trust his former master had in him.

He reached to unbutton the cloak that he wore, remembering as he did the burden he bore within it. He reached inside to pull a letter from a pocket and handed it to Lady Vader. It was from Feliciana – a woman who had left a taste so bitter in his mouth that even the sight of the letter stirred emotions of anger so deep that they radiated from him.

“I promised I would deliver this, and being a man of my word, it has been done. I have nothing to do with the one who wrote it anymore, and I don’t know her whereabouts.” His words carried a venom to them, a venom born of anger, distrust, and disappointment.

Long ago, Sasha had mentioned to Fel that he planned to return to Corellia to speak with Lady Vader. She had given him a letter apologizing for her departure to bring with him, should he ever make the trip. And now, having returned, he kept his word, despite having been lied to and cheated on.

[Lady Vader]

LV looked at Sasha before loking down at the letter. She opened it and read it. When she was finished, the hand clenched and crumpled the helpless piece of paper between her fingers.

"This one is dead to us. There is no need to speak of her or what she has done." She looked back at the balled up paper, opening her palm. "And there is no need to keep this note." The paper sizzled and began to smoke before bursting into a hot flame. It consumed the paper completely, leaving only a small pile of ashes.

She brushed her hands clean of the ashes and continued the conversation.

"The one that will be shadowing your steps is not someone you have met. I will summon for him when we are done here." She raised an eyebrow. "Were there any other questions you wished to ask?"

[Sasha Kovalev]

The anger smoldered there, simmering beneath the surface. Sasha was a kid of his word – one who did not take promises lightly. And having had a promise broken to him the way one had been by Feliciana was not something he would ever forgive. It would be a source of anger for many years to come. It was not something he spoke of to anyone, the things he had discovered about the woman he had once loved. It was not something he would ever speak of, for even the thought of it brought a heat to his cheeks of having been betrayed, lied to, and made to feel a fool for ever having believed in her.

He looked to the ashes as they scattered to the floor, his violet eyes set with a hardness. And when they had faded into non existence, his gaze returned to Lady Vader.

“I have only one other question.” He replied, for there was one other with whom he had to make amends upon his return.

“Shenraun,” The young man began, a tone of question in his voice, “Is he still around?”

[Lady Vader]

LV raised an eyebrow and nodded her head slowly. "He is." She didn't need to hear his next question, and instead spoke again. "Come. I'm sure he will have much to discuss with you."

She turned and began walking, letting Sasha decide to follow her or not to her waiting vehicle that would take them to the Palace. The ride there was quiet as neither spoke. The only noise that permiated the silence was the hum of the vehicle and LV using her comm to contact Sasha's escort. "Rakahb, I require your services. Meet me at the Palace entrance in 10 minutes." A gravely reply answered "As you command, Mistress.". You could almost hear the bow after the voice had spoken before the transmission was cut.

The rest of the ride after that was uneventful. And finally, they arrived at the Palace (http://www.swforums.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=38076).

[Lady Vader]

*BUMP*