Jeseth Cloak
Feb 23rd, 2005, 02:36:34 AM
This message is very personal, and I'm not even sure if I should be posting it... but my only other alternative is to PM half of the current board population. I'm not going to use names because it would be wrong of me to say anything about anyone's personal life, so I'm only going to say the things that matter where I'm concerned, and I know that those of you who I'm talking to will know what I'm trying to say.
It's been over a year since I left SWFans.net and stopped role-playing. I also dropped or abandoned any friends I made here (that I still had) and all of my role-playing projects. OOC, I was a very manipulative and reckless person. I never cared about who I was hurting, upsetting, or using. I lied without hesitation to many of my friends, and did a lot of things to people that just didn't deserve them. If any of you think I'm trying to get into anyone's good graces again, please understand that I'm not. I deserve whatever reputation I've earned, and aside from living with that; I have to live with the guilt that I feel about my behavior.
Some of the people that I pushed away were actually at one point great friends, even IRL. I never really stopped to think about it, but the fact that they were the first to resent me should have been a wake up call for me to revaluate my personality... Other people (that I had never met personally) still treated me so kindly, and I repaid their kindness by treating them so horribly. I think maybe I'm starting to grow up... at least a little. Some things about me, such as my ability to be in any sort of honest relationship, will need work for some time to come... as for the rest, I feel a little better about myself, so it might mean I've improved.
It was brought to my attention that people thought I would be a problem here again; I just wanted to say that anyone who felt I would ruin the environment doesn't need to worry anymore. I decided to do my RPing someplace else. I'm not offended or even upset, I just wanted to say I'm sorry that my actions left an impression which endured for so long after my departure, and I'm sorry I ever did anything to hurt or upset any members of this board.
It's been over a year since I left SWFans.net and stopped role-playing. I also dropped or abandoned any friends I made here (that I still had) and all of my role-playing projects. OOC, I was a very manipulative and reckless person. I never cared about who I was hurting, upsetting, or using. I lied without hesitation to many of my friends, and did a lot of things to people that just didn't deserve them. If any of you think I'm trying to get into anyone's good graces again, please understand that I'm not. I deserve whatever reputation I've earned, and aside from living with that; I have to live with the guilt that I feel about my behavior.
Some of the people that I pushed away were actually at one point great friends, even IRL. I never really stopped to think about it, but the fact that they were the first to resent me should have been a wake up call for me to revaluate my personality... Other people (that I had never met personally) still treated me so kindly, and I repaid their kindness by treating them so horribly. I think maybe I'm starting to grow up... at least a little. Some things about me, such as my ability to be in any sort of honest relationship, will need work for some time to come... as for the rest, I feel a little better about myself, so it might mean I've improved.
It was brought to my attention that people thought I would be a problem here again; I just wanted to say that anyone who felt I would ruin the environment doesn't need to worry anymore. I decided to do my RPing someplace else. I'm not offended or even upset, I just wanted to say I'm sorry that my actions left an impression which endured for so long after my departure, and I'm sorry I ever did anything to hurt or upset any members of this board.